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BAD TASTE JOKES

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BAD TASTE JOKES

Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 10:37 am

I'll start with a few:

What's the best thing about a blow job from an ethiopian woman?
You know she'll swallow.

Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

How do you tell if a chick is to fat to freak?
When you pull her pants down and her arse is still in them.

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dammit Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

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Postby Baron Greenback » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 10:42 am

Oh I have a funny feeling this thread is going to upset a few people, but what the heck, it's only a joke thread......


Why did Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a setbelt
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
Hemingway

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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:52 am

A guy opens his packed lunch that his wife made for him that morning. He takes a bite of the sandwich and immediately spits it out cursing. Straight away he phones his wife asking, "What was in that sandwich you gave me?"
"Why?" she asked.

"Because it was disgusting." he answers. "What was in it?"

"Crab Paste." she says.

"Well I have never had anything that tasted that awful before. Where did you get it from?"

"The Pharmacy." she answers
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:54 am

After her fifth child, Mary decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory.

Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.

Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.

Who are these from ?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them."

"Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks."

"Ahhh, thats really nice" said Mary.

"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!"

"Brilliant!" said Mary. "And the third?"

"Thats from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse.
"He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!"
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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:56 am

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7, your call will be transfered to the Mothership.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, please try you call again later.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 11:59 am

Why don’t women need watches? Because theres a clock on the stove
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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 12:05 pm

An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese refugee had a discussion about the happiness of life.

"To me, happiness is returning home on a Monday evening, having a wonderful dinner prepared by my wife, then slouching on the sofa watching Monday Night Football," the American said.

"You Americans are not romantic at all", the French injected, "Spending a lovely evening with my lover, walking along the Seine river, and having a romantic dinner on top of the Eiffel tower. That is happiness of life."

"You call those things happiness", the Vietnamese said, "then you two still don't understand life at all. Imagine this. You are sleeping soundly at night in Singapore. Then suddenly you hear loud knocks on your front door. You hear loud voices, 'Mr. Nguyen Tuong Van , open the door!'. Awakened with fear, you rush out and open the door. Right there, you see two secret policemen ready to handcuff you. One man says to you, 'Mr. Nguyen Tuong Van , you are under arrest for possession of heroin. You are being sent to Changi to be hanged. Sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably, you reply to them, 'Comrades, Mr. Nguyen Tuong Van lives next door.' That moment is the ultimate happiness of life, my friends."
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 12:08 pm

Two British men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they each took gentlemanly turns with the lady.

Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - the two fought and one killed the other to have the lady.

Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they both had the lady together.

Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they killed the lady to have each other.

Two Australian men and a lady stranded on a desert island both dug until they found COLD beer, drunk and passed out before they get to the lady.

Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island the two are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

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Postby Baron Greenback » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 12:09 pm

CZ you are a wooly mammoth walking on extreemly thin ice, these are really making me wince. I thought my Diana gag was in bad taste, but jokes about Nguyen Tuong Van already? are you insane?
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."

Hemingway

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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 12:14 pm

You think that's bad - see my post on Nguyen thread :cool: Define 'insane'
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Postby CardZeus » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 12:23 pm

So it's OK to post jokes about Diana because she died years ago but not Nguyen because he died this morning?
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible.

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Postby Baron Greenback » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 1:46 pm

In a nutshell, yes. The nerve is not so raw.
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."

Hemingway

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Postby Bafana » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 2:19 pm

Keep em coming lah...

Wheres the Van Ngyugan Joke???

Is there something I am missing apart from a sense of respect for my fellow human beings and the plight of the suffering masses (For starters anyway)...

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Professional relationship

Postby Scorpion » Fri, 02 Dec 2005 8:19 pm

Joyce was with her doctor, Dr. Ginsberg.

Suddenly, she asked him “will you kiss me?”
When u Need Someone to Be Beside u And No One Is Around Just Gaze Up In The Sky,u Might Not See Me But Be Sure That We r Under The Same Sky,I wl'd Never B 2 Far....
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Postby banana » Sat, 03 Dec 2005 2:34 pm

Sorry Mum, I can't come home for Christmas, I'm just going to hang around Singapore.

Love

tuong van nguyen
some signatures are more equal than others


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