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Common courtesy?

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Kimi
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Common courtesy?

Postby Kimi » Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:04 pm

I must admit I was just told by an acquaintance that he thinks people are not initially good... and I refused to believe that it applies to everybody...
However, it did feel like a slap in the face when today after a long day at work I stopped by to the nearest food court to buy my dinner and missed a step on my way and fell right in front of people who were eating there!
The thing is, they were just staring or well just didn't care and I must admit it felt errr odd that nobody asked nor offered to help me to stand up again...
In Japan, I must admit I did have this kind of experience as well several times, even though not always, and it was said that because Japanese people tend to be private and wouldn't want to impose whatsoever, that is why heaps of people would hesitate even though it would look like a good intention... Is it the same here by some odd chance I wonder?
Last edited by Kimi on Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Bubbles » Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:13 pm

Come and live in Wales Kimi, by the time ten people had crowded around you, helping you up with 'Are you alright love' or 'Oh dear pet, come and sit down and have a cuppa' they'd have found out who you were, what you did for a living, your medical history and if you'd be a suitable match for their sons.

Some people think it's smothering, but I love it really. Not sure this would apply in London, but think it would to a certain extent. You'd be sure to get someone's help, maybe not everyone's but you'd not be left on the ground.

Perhaps it's because we're nosy but that seems to be the way it goes here.

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Postby Saint » Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:15 pm

When Mrs S first came to UK she found it strange just how polite us Brits are, especially the men towards the woman e.g. men holding doors open, giving up seats etc.

She also one for falling over and ever time without fail someone will give her a helping hand and ask after her.

That's just the norm here and must agree with you that this kind of politeness doesn't happen too often in Singapore.

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Postby Bubbles » Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:28 pm

Too true Saint, about a year ago my mum in law fell outside in town (Newport) and you'd not believe how kind folk were. The people in the post office sat her down, someone from a cafe brought her a cuppa, the local bobby was all concern, and someone even offered to bring their car into the centre of town to take her home. So sweet. Not all Brits are thugs, honest.
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Wind In My Hair
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Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 30 Nov 2005 10:37 pm

well, i'm tempted to move to wales myself after reading what Bubbles wrote!

yes it's sad how things are here. most people are either too much in a hurry to stop, too embarrassed to bring attention to themselves by stepping forward, or trying to help you 'save face' perhaps by pretending nothing happened and letting you move off with minimum fuss. it does come across as selfish and perhaps it is but i think it's more likely one of the above reasons.

kimi, next time make sure you fall in front of me, i'll help! :wink:

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Postby Saint » Wed, 30 Nov 2005 11:28 pm

Hey Kimi, you didn't tell us you sprained your ankle when you fell. Hope it's not too painful

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Postby Plavt » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:02 am

Strange such a subject should come up. I was at Newton Hawker centre during one of my visits when I noticed a young woman staggering holding her head - a few yards and she collapsed. My immediate reaction was to run to her aid and 'prop' her up so she didn't bash her head on the concrete - imagine the possible consequences. I did however notice that nobody else bothered to move despite the fact they could see quite clearly what had happened. However, an American I had been talking too and several locals joined us in reviving her with some water - one of the locals massaged her shoulders, presumably to restore her circulation. I don't think any of the locals were in any way uncaring but it did seem strange at the time. Perhaps the post by WIMH explains why but then were many other foreigners present at the time.

Bubbles, you said you weren't sure about London. Much depends on where you live and possibly the hour of the day. If you for example if you collapsed at say King's Cross or many of the other central London stations, you would get help from a large number of people very quickly.
A great many of the stations in central London are in close proximity to major hospitals as a result trained medical staff of various categories are traveling through at all hours of the day. In addition major railway stations often have customer assistance and possibly security guards and knowledgeable members of the public are in abundance.

That said where I live you could probably die on the street. Some years ago not long after I acquired my first First Aid certificate I was walking towards the Seven Sisters (notoriously unpleasant area) when I noticed a man slumped over a low wall. Others bypassed him presumably assuming he was drunk. When I looked at him, I noticed he was holding a medic alert card. By some good fortune an ambulance on a non-urgent call was passing so I got him in that. I don't altogether blame those who walked by, it was dark and given the nature of the area people are reluctant to get involved. Had the guy been just drunk, you don't know if a companion is going to turn up an accuse you of hitting him and then start having a go at you. I am not being melodramatic here it happens.

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Last edited by Plavt on Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Plavt » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:06 am

Bubbles wrote:Too true Saint, about a year ago my mum in law fell outside in town (Newport) and you'd not believe how kind folk were. The people in the post office sat her down, someone from a cafe brought her a cuppa, the local bobby was all concern, and someone even offered to bring their car into the centre of town to take her home. So sweet. Not all Brits are thugs, honest.


I find this true myself. People in smaller communites are a lot quieter and much more helpful than many city dwellers. It is a ptiy but so many areas of so many cities have become very threatening in nature and people just don't trust each other.

Plavt.

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Postby Kimi » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:20 am

Saint wrote:Hey Kimi, you didn't tell us you sprained your ankle when you fell. Hope it's not too painful


Yeah, cos I made another thread to ask what I should do with it.
Cheers for noticing :)
I have put ice on it but it's still a little painful. Will go to a doctor tomorrow.
It's not swollen yet but the thing is this is the same ankle that was sprained twice some years back, hope it's not going to make it dodgy...
Any tips on sprained ankle anybody?
My mum would bring us to a Chinese Sensei (sp?) but the process is quite painful and I prefer not really to see one actually...

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Postby Saint » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:32 am

Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation (RICE) is the normal treatment for sprained ankles, I've had a few in my time

Basically keep all weight off it for between 24/48 hours, use ice to reduce any swelling, bandage the ankle with an elasticated support bandage and elevate the ankle above the heart especially at night when sleeping.

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Postby Wild Rover » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:53 am

Kimi, so sorry to hear about the sprained ankle, horrible I know only too well. As for advice I echo Saint's advice of RICE - I've had bad sprains in the past yet been back running within a couple of weeks. After the initial stiffness, the sooner you can start with some low impact exercise (like cycling) the better.

As for the "common courtesy" thread, I'm getting more disillusioned the longer I'm staying here, and that's just a few months. The number of times I hold open lift doors for example in the condo to allow people to get in, without even a nod, smile or a thank you completely baffles me.

And OK us Brits are always ridiculed for our queuing etiquette, but there is a serious lack of that here, and as for driving behaviour, well I won't go there, it can be equally as bad or even worse in some European cities (eg Rome, Naples) etc.
What's worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care

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Postby micknlea » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 10:33 am

Wild Rover wrote:As for the "common courtesy" thread, I'm getting more disillusioned the longer I'm staying here, and that's just a few months. The number of times I hold open lift doors for example in the condo to allow people to get in, without even a nod, smile or a thank you completely baffles me.

And OK us Brits are always ridiculed for our queuing etiquette, but there is a serious lack of that here, and as for driving behaviour, well I won't go there, it can be equally as bad or even worse in some European cities (eg Rome, Naples) etc.


It didn't come as so much of a shock here as in HK no one even holds lift doors open and will often push past you to get in before the door closes. Here it was a pleasant surprise that people here actually hold the lift door open for you (not normal doors...that is another story).

I always smile and say thanks and I always smile when I hold the lift open as well, which seems to bewilder many. My big problem is that my kids are tending to take after everyone else and not me!

The place I have noticed that the opposite is true is at the hospital, almost everyone holds lifts and says thank you etc (I go regularly to Gleneagles). It always takes me by surprise.

On the falling down bit...I experienced the same thing just last weekend, I fell over at the Liang Centre and all of a sudden I felt very lonely...everyone virtually disappeared until I picked myself and my packages up and limped on my way!

Kimi I do hope your ankle is feeling better now.
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Postby Baron Greenback » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:32 pm

I have a shameful story to tell :(

I used to pride myself on being a gentleman, holding doors open, offering my seat, carrying bags etc the full monty. However after being here for 3 years it seems to have become diluted.

My girlfriend's father came to visit & I took him on the bus into town one day, as the bus pulled up I slipped into kiasu mode & stood infront of the doors, he asked "do we not let women on the bus first here then?" I could have died with shame :oops:
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Postby madwolfie » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:35 pm

Kimi, hope your ankle's better now. :console:

Irony of it is I had people shoo me off (when I tried to help them up), saying they are okay when they fall. Why? :?

Do we need to impose more fines for the people here to learn their lessons? hmmm ... hmmm...

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Postby Wham » Thu, 01 Dec 2005 1:01 pm

Kimi,

That is a sad story - but i believe that it IS true that the level of common courtesy here is lower than in many places. There have been similar threads that have discussed the historical reasons on and on - and sometimes tried to explain it as "just a cutrural thing" - but i personally think of it is the dark ugly underbelly of this otherwise generally wonderful place to live and work.

I also like to think of it as an opportunity to BE MORE COURTEOUS - as it takes SO LITTLE to stand out above the norm.
"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." Samuel Johnson


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