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I'm smarter than you!: Women marrying down?

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Bafana
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Postby Bafana » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 2:01 pm

At my present point in life after having gone through the grinder before with an ex-wife who was as highly educated as myself I would probably opt for the marrying down option.

Meaning that I would rather have a wife who was not as competive for attention on that level as I am. That is not to say that I would not pay attention to a future wife - Quite the opposite. I would devote more time and effort to providing for her and looking after her to make sure that she is happy and has everything she wants most of the time. This type of stress and care is different from your workload type. And as they say a change is as good as a holiday.

What I found previously is that the added stress of having a wife who was also a professional made my life harder rather then easier. We were always in competition - Who had the better job, who had the better education, who earnt the most, who got the best deal, who was better at their job, who wore the pants in the house...

These things added to an already stress ladened life in a competive professional industry was just too much. Imagine coming home after competing all day and breaking your balls only to go through the same thing all over again as both parties tried to let off steam and relax. Sure she needed the same relaxation and attention on that level that I needed but the point was that if one was to give the other took. There was never a common ground. And after all our own responsibility as an indivdual person is to look after ourselves as no-one else will or can.

Yes and congratulations to all the people out there who have managed to make it work in a simliar situation or have given over to their partners to let the process go smoothly - You are truly wonderful and blessed in your life. (Either that or your just talking out your Politically Correct hat and are living a miserable life lying to yourslef or are sittign in an arm chair surrounds by hundreds of cats wondering what went wrong with your life)

I believe that if love can be achieved and a balance struck between both parties that is acceptable to both then a some level marraige can work. But this is very rare especially when you look at people who work in industries where they are compelled to believe and insist that they are experts in their work, knowledge and lives (Consulting for instance).

Sure enough I would consider a highly educated woman as the next Mrs Bafana but it would only be after making siure she is not selfish/bossish and can realise that the base nature of a man should be respected.

Men are givers and women are takers. Its the way of life always has been and always will be. So if you are as rich or richer then your man at elast let him think that he is giving you soemthing that is vital too you otherwise he will give it to someone else who may be more appreciative (The maid perhaps or the cleaning lady - Actually there are some very nice Tiger Beer ladies running around the local coffee shops as well)

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Postby Rose_YG » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 2:20 pm

Very well said Bafana. One party has to give and the other take. It is not easy to balance work and private life.. One has to prioritize which is more important to him/her.
I believe that it is easier to change a job then to lose the 'love of your life'.
It doesn't matter 'marrying up or down' or whatever it is.Just have to find the essence of what makes the marriage work!
Being a woman is not easy either.. can't have the best of both worlds!

YG
"Every day is Christmas and every night is new year's eve... "

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Postby dot dot dot » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 2:33 pm

No chinese aunties haunting Bafana in this posting... :P

Thanks for that one Baf... =D>

I can relate to what you are saying...

Eric

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Postby locallass » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 2:55 pm

Bafana, this must be the first serious posting I've seen from you since I joined the board :lol: But I agree with you. It's stressful enough to have to compete at work. Having to do so at home too, and not receiving any support, just worsens it all.

Eric, nice signature. Very flowery indeed ;)

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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:17 pm

Bafana wrote:Men are givers and women are takers. Its the way of life always has been and always will be.


I guess pity is overriding anger at this pont. You must have been scorched very badly. Or put another way, stood to close to the fire.

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Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:25 pm

Bafana wrote:Men are givers and women are takers. Its the way of life always has been and always will be. So if you are as rich or richer then your man at elast let him think that he is giving you soemthing that is vital too you otherwise he will give it to someone else who may be more appreciative (The maid perhaps or the cleaning lady - Actually there are some very nice Tiger Beer ladies running around the local coffee shops as well)


Such a pity Bafana, until the paragraph quoted above, you were making so much sense...and then it all went wrong. Tsk...tsk...
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Mary Hatch Bailey
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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:28 pm

We both used the word pity -- this makes it gospel in my eyes... :P

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sapphire
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Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:33 pm

Haha, gospel it shall be then!

Seriously though, men are givers of what? Jeez! And women takers of what exactly? Its alright though, I think bitterness took over sanity in the last para. Time will heal that...
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Mary Hatch Bailey
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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:36 pm

sapphire wrote:Seriously though, men are givers of what? Jeez! And women takers of what exactly? Its alright though, I think bitterness took over sanity in the last para. Time will heal that...


Perhaps he's speaking in the physical sense...?

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Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:38 pm

Ohhhhhhhh! #-o
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:45 pm

Hell, I don't know. I just said maybe. And what of it? Is it supposed to be a metaphor for the rest of our lives?

Actually I am quite a 'taker' on retrospect:

I take the time to send his Mom flowers on her birthday
I take the kids to the Dentist every six months
I take the money he makes and selfishly buy groceries for everyone
I take his Dad all over town when he is here
I take the time to shut all the drawers & cabinet doors because I know he hates when they are left open
I take the christmas tree down all by myself, the saddest job of the year
I take him to the movies on a Saturday night

Hmmm...

Maybe Baf is on to something.

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Postby dot dot dot » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 5:31 pm

Baf has given you ladies some food for thought, but don't you girls take it too literally? :-|

Eric

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Postby Bubbles » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 5:48 pm

Hey, the truth is we are all 'takers AND givers.'
What the hell is the point of life if you can't give and take in a loving environment, i.e. a partnership?
I love to do things for people I care for, and I love that they do things for me, not in return, but because they want to.
I am not ashamed to ask for what I need, and wouldn't presume to think those I am close to should feel worried to ask me either.
Weird look on relationships some peeps have, isn't it?
Not just talking about sexual ones, but this applies right down the line to casual passing friends or peeps too.
Bubbs.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas.

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Mary Hatch Bailey
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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 6:11 pm

Bubbles wrote:Hey, the truth is we are all 'takers AND givers.'
What the hell is the point of life if you can't give and take in a loving environment, i.e. a partnership?
I love to do things for people I care for, and I love that they do things for me, not in return, but because they want to.
I am not ashamed to ask for what I need, and wouldn't presume to think those I am close to should feel worried to ask me either.
Weird look on relationships some peeps have, isn't it?
Not just talking about sexual ones, but this applies right down the line to casual passing friends or peeps too.
Bubbs.


Bubbs is always the voice of reason. When will people wise up and realise that generalising the human spirit is a colossal waste of time?

Eric, Baf is not as, let us say, emotionally intelligent, as you are -- especially concerning women. In fact, down right rude lately. So, I guess the moral of the story is not only do we NOT want his/her food for thought -- I personally hope he/she chokes on it.

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Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 6:24 pm

Hehehe, never one to mince words Ma'am Viceroy.

Don't know about others, but I'm just having fun with Bafs, maybe in the process he'll learn something?
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.


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