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I'm smarter than you!: Women marrying down?

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Kimi
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I'm smarter than you!: Women marrying down?

Postby Kimi » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 1:25 am

I also came across an interesting discussion recently. We were talking about women who had master's degrees being encouraged to "marry down", education wise (or even financially), just so they could get a man.

Questions:
1. Whether you are a man or woman, would you prefer a person who has the same education level as you? Explain.
2. Is it okay if your partner makes significantly less money than you do?
3. When do you think it will be socially acceptable for women with college degrees to marry men who have a high school diploma? Or how about women who make, say, $60,000 a year who marry a man who only makes $17,000 a year? (Many of us may accept it already, but the fact that it is a rare occurance in Japan and I suppose here too, it shows that this is still not generally cool).

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Postby Bubbles » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 2:57 am

It's all about what you bring to the table, isn't it? Usually it's based on mutal attraction, and in many instances exceptional beauty, for instance, will over ride any perceived 'rules' about who should have what, and how much.

Everyone makes decisions about what they find to be the right balance for them in serious relationships.

Yes, some make conscious decisions not to stay with someone of a different, usually lower, educational standard, but in my experience there are wildly different couplings, most with nothing to do with he is top/she is top/he is good looking/she is good looking/he/she is successful.

But we'd be fools to say that having, say,
a. Education
b. Money
c. Looks
d. Youth
e. Great connections
f. Great personality

did not count...........of course they do, and they are the 'coinage' of all transactions in relationships....you automatically veer towards what you find attractive, and that's it. Whether that is education, money looks whatever, you're hard wired to find certain types yummy.

Now, whether or not they find YOU attractive is another thing.

It's all a game, and we're all playing it.

I just wish I had more of some, but hey, you have to go with what you have, and sod the rest.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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Postby YF » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 4:05 am

Well I will have my PhD soon and I think I would find it attractive if a girl had a PhD or graduate degree as well. Since I will probably end up being an academic, there could be a good chance that whoever I meet, will make more money than I will (although we still do pretty good as academics) I can't see it as being something that would bother me. That said, there are not a lot of girl who I have been attracted to, which also have PhDs or graduate degrees, so maybe I will have to "marry down" as well.

RDL

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 6:31 am

would i marry 'down'? i don't know. i don't know if i'll marry period, ha ha.

i know many couples where the wife earns more than the husband, and a few where the wife is more educated than the husband, a few where the wife is older than the husband, and a few where the wife is taller than the husband. so there are many senses of 'marrying down'.

personally i think to have the attitude that you're marrying 'down' does not put the relationship on a good footing to begin with. our choice of words determines our thinking and if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you are superior in some way, or that he is inferior, subconsciously that might create lots of problems. you have to accept, really accept, that it's an equal relationship cos all the factors weigh out and you each bring something to the table.

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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 7:27 am

One's intellect is not the only, or for that matter best, measure of a person.

'Marrying down,' a ghastly phrase at best, has no revelance in a world facing moral bankruptcy and rife with the confusion of 'lust over love'.

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Re: I'm smarter than you!: Women marrying down?

Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 8:30 am

Kimi wrote:just so they could get a man.


Argh!
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Postby Global Citizen » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 8:46 am

Since we're on the subject, I'd like to know what do any of you think Of Demi Moore's marriage to Ashton Kutcher?

Did she marry up or down or are they equal? It would certainly be helpful if you add your reason(s) to substantiate your opinion.
One man's meat is another's poison.

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Postby Vaucluse » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 9:15 am

What total garbage, absolute nonsense and irrefutable crap! 'Marrying down' . . .

What would the discussion be if this was a topic suggested by men - with the content being men 'marrying down' . . .

One should marry for love, commitment and a view for the future - where does this obsession with a piece of paper come from? Are people now really so self-absorbed that this turns into a deciding factor?

I'm glad Mrs 'Clause didn't think so when she married me - seeing as she has more and higher pieces of paper than I do - and guess what!!!! . . . she treats me as an equal (except at mopping time)
......................................................

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Postby dot dot dot » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 9:16 am

Guess in a marriage, one of the two is always 'marrying down' in one of the ways so well mentioned by Wimh and Bubbs?

Eric

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Postby madwolfie » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:03 pm

Hmmm.... wise to get married or stay single? [just a random thought] :roll:

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sapphire
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Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:06 pm

madwolfie wrote:Hmmm.... wise to get married or stay single? [just a random thought] :roll:

When you'll forget to ask that question to yourself is when you'll be ready to tie the knot.
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Postby madwolfie » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:19 pm

sapphire wrote:
madwolfie wrote:Hmmm.... wise to get married or stay single? [just a random thought] :roll:

When you'll forget to ask that question to yourself is when you'll be ready to tie the knot.


:lol: Thanks for the advise, wise one! Now I know... :P

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Postby locallass » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:25 pm

Okay I’ve done this topic a few times in different forums and no matter what I've to say, I get kicked anyway ;) So I’ll just be honest and say what I think.

To me, intelligence is important as far as I can have a good conversation with the guy. I’ve dated guys who were extremely smart and educated. I’ve also dated guys who weren’t graduates. Education doesn’t guarantee a good conversation. Some of the smartest guys I was out with were also some of the most boring.

As for jobs, there are too many factors that come into play. It’s not just about the woman. Would the man also mind? After all, in more traditional societies like Singapore, the men still expect to be the breadwinner. Would it hurt his pride and ego if the woman earns more? (Good case in point: local singer Stefanie Sun and her accountant boyfriend Dennis) And also, if the woman earns more than the man, would the man then be able to accept that he has to play the supporting role and spend more time taking care of the housework and children? It would be grossly unfair if the woman is both the breadwinner and homemaker. But to reverse the gender roles does take some getting used to. Last but not least, many people define themselves (or their sense of pride or social connections) by their job. I may not need someone who’s highly successful but he needs to be his own man. Does this make sense?

So my answers to Kimi’s questions:

1. Whether you are a man or woman, would you prefer a person who has the same education level as you? Explain.

It’s okay if he’s less educated if we are on the same mental wavelength

2. Is it okay if your partner makes significantly less money than you do?

Even though I’m doing relatively okay in my career, I’m not earning that much. I guess I would worry a little about making ends meet, given how high the cost of living is in Singapore. But I don’t expect a lot – living in a HDB flat is good enough for me. So my answer is, if we can manage along ok with our combined income, it should be fine. If we cannot get married without having to struggle very hard with finances, then I would prefer to wait till we are both more ready.

3. When do you think it will be socially acceptable for women with college degrees to marry men who have a high school diploma? Or how about women who make, say, $60,000 a year who marry a man who only makes $17,000 a year? (Many of us may accept it already, but the fact that it is a rare occurance in Japan and I suppose here too, it shows that this is still not generally cool).

If you’re talking about social acceptance (i.e. how other people would view you), then I would say that Singapore is still quite unaccepting in this regard. Not to say this is right mind you, just the way how things are.

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Postby Rose_YG » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 1:07 pm

Education doesn’t guarantee a good conversation



i agree with that quote.. not just book smart but if the person is also street smart that makes them interesting ..
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Postby sapphire » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 1:40 pm

madwolfie wrote:
sapphire wrote:
madwolfie wrote:Hmmm.... wise to get married or stay single? [just a random thought] :roll:

When you'll forget to ask that question to yourself is when you'll be ready to tie the knot.


:lol: Thanks for the advise, wise one! Now I know... :P

You're welcome little one. :wink:
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.


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