Fight or Flight?

[Wind In My Hair]

this forum being a microcosm of humanity has its share of squabbles and disagreements and what-not. and i've noticed something about myself, that when the temperature starts to rise i tend to back off. it's no longer important to win the argument or to prove i'm right or misunderstood or misinterpreted or whatever, in case the point-to-point argument escalates.

so i realise i have a "flight" response, and wonder whether it's part of being asian, to be non-confrontational, or whether there are other contributing factors like genes, education, family etc.

just wondering if anyone here has monitored their responses to disagreements here, and whether this mirrors what you're like in real life or not?

[Pinky]

Guess it really depends on who the disagreement is with. There are some people whom I just can't be bothered about and those whom I a bit head-strong with. sadly, the latter group tends to be those I am closer to..

[Bubbles]

Hmm, yes that's a good question WIMH. I sometimes have to bite my tongue in discussions, whether here on in 'real life.' I've always been a say it as you think it person and I have to admit that it's only in the past few years I've learned the value of buttoning it.

However............quite of few will tell you that my big feet have been planted firmly in the middle of quite a few argie bargies on this forum. I've had a lifetime of speaking out so it'll take more years than this to shut me up completely.

I admire that reticence, not sure if it's Asian, but you do like to perpetuate the myth if it's not the case, that you can keep your cool at all times. I should know it's not true really as I have some pretty firey Singaporean, Indian and Malay friends.

And some totally batty UK ones.

Bubbs.

[Strong Eagle]

I used to think that I was gaining patience and maturity as I got older. Now I realize I just don't give a sh*t.

[Global Citizen]

In my opinion, genes and cultural values play a part but it's more a personality thing.

A certain maturity attained over the years also shapes one's response I believe and as SE so succintly put it, in some cases, I really don't give a shit.

[Wind In My Hair]

just for SE and GC, maybe i should change the name of the thread to "Fight, Flight, or F*ck?"

Bubbs, as usual i loved reading your response. i can't imagine you being offensive though so shoot your mouth off all you want, it's all good! not sure if reticence is a good thing. sometimes confrontation, handled properly, leads to improved mutual understanding and a better peace than running away does.

i also agree with pinky to some extent. with some people i don't give a damn. but with others i will speak my mind and take the risk that it could go either way. still, broadly speaking i will generally flee an argument.

[micknlea]

I'm there with Pinky. If it is in a forum like this (where I don't know anyone personally) I tend to shy away and stay away from a fight, but if it is with people I really know I am not afraid to stand up and fight and argue through to the end.
I think it is about self confidence too, as well as giving a sh*t. Maybe as years fly by the confidence goes up (with the knowledge from experience) and the caring about what people thinks goes down...

[sundaymorningstaple]

just for SE and GC, maybe i should change the name of the thread to "Fight, Flight, or F*ck?"

Bubbs, as usual i loved reading your response. i can't imagine you being offensive though so shoot your mouth off all you want, it's all good! not sure if reticence is a good thing. sometimes confrontation, handled properly, leads to improved mutual understanding and a better peace than running away does.

i also agree with pinky to some extent. with some people i don't give a damn. but with others i will speak my mind and take the risk that it could go either way. still, broadly speaking i will generally flee an argument.

Believe me, Bubbs can handle most anything anybody throws at her. I've seen her dice it up good in the past. A certain thread in particular about one of the Expatriate Clubs springs to mind (The Hollaindaise Club if I remember correctly). Ah Lau can also attest to her rebuttal skills.

Age does give me something besides a broader perspective, and a "I don't give a sh1t attitude. It takes away my patience for pretenders and sucker uppers. As for me, I've been chastised, condemned, am dead in peoples eyes and called all sorts of names. In the vein of Rett Butler.. . . . "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

I've been told off, told I am too this and too that for Asia. But, I must be doing something right somewhere, I've been here an awfully long time to be doing it wrong? Maybe it like WIMH says, we each do it our own way. In the end it's the results that ultimately count.

For me it the first and last , flight only happens when I'm on vacation.

[dot dot dot]

In the vein of Rett Butler.. . . . "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

The edited one:

Why does sms not get the rules here?

Sms didnot answer locallass' question, but started to talk about something different, that's all...

Eric

1. Because sms has to work for a living now for somebody else, that means occasionally I am called from my desk while in the middle of a reply and don't get back for quite a while to finish my reply. I don't however go back to the thread just to see if eric has visited or not.

2. Frankly, I like to upset the applecart because it causes trolls to get wound up and also it seems to wind up a certain petulant registered poster.

Why does eric care so much? (see a question, albiet out of order by one - tsk, tsk, tsk!)

sms

Sorry to the other regular posters, I was unaware that he does not have a sense of humour.

And the original one before being edited by cool sms who 'frankly doesnot give a damn':

Why does sms not get the rules here?

Sms didnot answer locallass' question, but started to talk about something different, that's all...

Eric

1. Because sms has to work for a living now for somebody else, that means occasionally I am called from my desk while in the middle of a reply and don't get back for quite a while to finish my reply. I don't however go back to the thread just to see if eric has visited or not.

2. Frankly, I like to upset the applecart because it causes trolls to get wound up and also it seems to wind up a certain petulant registered poster who happen to be named eric.

Why does eric care so much? (see a question, albiet out of order by one - tsk, tsk, tsk!)

sms

This one's for you eric -

Xenophobe is usually a long-term discussion forum participant and he thinks of the forum as his private compound. Xenophobe regards new forum arrivals as mentally deficient and perhaps even having criminal tendencies, and they are invariably approached with suspicion and condescension. Xenophobe will mount a furious attack if a Newbie has the temerity to make critical observations about the forum's social dynamics, or questions its prevailing opinions.

And that's why he changes his postings to make sure he appears to be a 'good' guy...

He doesnot give a damn...

Sure....

Eric

[Bubbles]

AND IN THE RED CORNER..................................

[Vaucluse]

Definitely 'flight' for me . . . can't hold my own in an argument . . .

But seriously, folks - it depends. It depends on the topic - can I really give a stuff about the topic . . . if yes, then I will put my point forward. Whom am I agreeing/disagreeing with . . . if it's someone who is normally rational then so is my response - if they are accepted and continuing ars@holes then the gloves are off.

WIMH, I have a noticed a certain thread pervading your recent posts;

so i realise i have a "flight" response, and wonder whether it's part of being asian, to be non-confrontational, or whether there are other contributing factors like genes, education, family etc.

Exactly how is it Asian to be non-confrontational? You were kidding, right? (similar to another (not yours - hello sapphire ) post saying that life was peaches and cream before the marauding Brits destroyed nirvana)

Rarely do arguments come from 'left field' in this forum - part of the cleansing we had in barring unregistered posters - so we seldom have contentious posts anymore.

[sapphire]

Hello Vauvau, your use of the smiling emoticon at critical points of your post will not let you off the hook you know.

Ok, will come back to this thread when I'm awake and put my two cents worth.

[Mary Hatch Bailey]

Am I the only one who hears this playing when this subject comes up?


The Jets are gonna have their day, Tonight. The Sharks are gonna have their way, Tonight.
The Puerto Ricans grumble: "Fair fight." But if they start a rumble,
We'll rumble 'em right.
We're gonna hand 'em a surprise. Tonight ...

[locallass]

Vaucluse, WIMH is diplomatic and she makes an effort to cool down arguments before they escalate most of the time. I’m not sure however if this is an Asian trait because I, along with some of the other posters, don’t make the same effort.

Back to the topic, it all depends on who I’m arguing with. If it’s someone I don’t give a damn to, that person can be sure if he/she will get an earful from me. But if it’s someone I care about, I give the person more benefit of doubt, make more effort to consider his/her feelings or “face”

[Vaucluse]

Am I the only one who hears this playing when this subject comes up?


The Jets are gonna have their day, Tonight. The Sharks are gonna have their way, Tonight.
The Puerto Ricans grumble: "Fair fight." But if they start a rumble,
We'll rumble 'em right.
We're gonna hand 'em a surprise. Tonight ...

We are in Puerto Rico?