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Must women always have the last say?

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Carpe Diem
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Postby Carpe Diem » Sat, 29 Oct 2005 9:24 am

Since I am the one who created this "fight" I would like to comment...

Sorry, locallass, cannot agree with you here.

May I suggest that you don't post on that thread for at least 24 hours, cool down and enjoy your day, then have a good night rest?

Please reconsider your sayings. You know that when writing something on a forum, it has much more consequences than if you are talking in the "real" life. It's simply because different people have different understanding of the same language, based on their previous experiences and may be their ability to master that language. And it's for sure not always easy to write what one means. Misunderstanding is always a risk when writing. Haven't you experienced that before?

I was positively surprised by WIMH's post above. She has been trying to cool down the situation and I understand that it was not an easy move. Has she been doing it in a "wrong" manner? May be. But it's not easy. Why don't you look at her intentions first?

Life is full of compromises... And to compromise doesn't necessarily mean to "lose face", if I may use an expression which I heard so many times here...

I really think you've been going too far here. But it's always time to go backwards.

Cool down, have a drink, enjoy, and may be you'll see things differently.
I've met you only shortly at the WNDC, but I know you already enough to say that you can be "better" than that.

:wink: OK?
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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Postby locallass » Sat, 29 Oct 2005 3:59 pm

CD, I know you have the best intentions and I respect you for that. It's not about being wrong or losing face. I admit I wasn't in a conciliatory mood when I posted my message, nor did I did write in a nice tone. But I really did not appreciate all the silly accusations that have been made by WIMH. And this is not the first time I've been accused of victimising her.

I'm sure it must have been difficult for her to make that post. And that her intentions were good, even if it came with barbs. That was a trigger response from me after a demanding night out. Maybe I'll feel bad for being churlish later on. But if there's going to be a reconciliation, it has to be a fair one for both sides. That's not too demanding, don't you think?

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Postby Strong Eagle » Sat, 29 Oct 2005 6:51 pm

locallass wrote:Maybe I'll feel bad for being churlish later on. But if there's going to be a reconciliation, it has to be a fair one for both sides. That's not too demanding, don't you think?


Why am I responding to this post? I'm only going to get sliced up. Oh well.

My sense, locallass, is that being right is at least as important to you as a reconciliation.

The correct response, the one that puts the water under the bridge, is, "Thanks for the apology, I appreciate that." Ends it all. What's done is done. Starts fresh. It's the "big" response.

Your response just guarantees that the argument drags on IF WIMH chooses to respond. And what for? To prove a point? To be right?

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Postby EADG » Sat, 29 Oct 2005 8:18 pm

SE, you are truly a brave soul!
Ape Shall Not Kill Ape

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Sat, 29 Oct 2005 9:12 pm

first of all, thanks to the peacemakers CD and SE for getting involved. i do appreciate your efforts at moving the issue along.

i have taken CD's good advice to take time off to think calmly before posting again. i also fear that whatever i write now will only make things worse. still, there is no point leaving this hanging in mid-air now that we have come this far.

locallass wrote:I was pissed off though by one of your comments. What I said was, you can date a hundred guys and still not find one who’s suitable. You came back with, you’re so choosy (which is still fine) and I’m unlike you because I haven’t dated 100 men. Now I didn’t like your superior attitude, that you’re better than me or anyone else (maybe this is the kind of one upmanship you’ve accused me of?). And really, what does it insinuate about me that I’ve dated so many men?

locallass, if this is the root cause of your anger then i apologise profusely. it was meant in jest and i'm learning everyday that misunderstandings can result from humour when the boundaries of decency are crossed and it looks like i crossed that line with you. i am sorry.

this is not meant as a barb or an accusation, just an explanation of where i was coming from. what i remember saying was if i dated a hundred men and can't find a single one that i liked, then i must have pretty high standards. and anyway i don't have the stamina to date a hundred men! it was purely light-hearted, and not meant to insinuate anything about you. i don't know you in 'real' life, and have no idea if you have dated one man, ten men or a hundred, nor is it any of my business. in any case i've had my share of boyfriends and flings and failed relationships and the last thing i would do is rub that in someone else's face.

in fact when you first joined the board i was glad and hoped to have a 'partner in crime' in you, given that on the surface we have many things in common eg we are both single local chinese professional women who feel comfortable with an expat crowd. perhaps though the similarities were the precise cause of friction. i don't know. but i am truly saddened that it has come to this. still, such is life and friends have been made of bitter enemies and i hope that will be the case with us.

locallass wrote:if there's going to be a reconciliation, it has to be a fair one for both sides. That's not too demanding, don't you think?

fairness works for me too. from my perspective it's been pretty fair most of the way:

you feel wrongfully accused. i feel wrongfully accused.

i have expressed my discomfort with your posts. you have expressed your unhappiness with mine.

you have aired your grievances publicly. i have aired mine.

i have apologised...

locallass, despite all that has happened i still have great respect for you, and some goodwill. so let me make another clumsy attempt at reconciliation. firstly, why don't you tell me what you would like me to say that you will find fair and hence agree to reconcile. and secondly, please try to meet me halfway.

does that sound fair enough?

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Postby dot dot dot » Sat, 29 Oct 2005 10:55 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:in fact when you first joined the board i was glad and hoped to have a 'partner in crime' in you, given that on the surface we have many things in common eg we are both single local chinese professional women who feel comfortable with an expat crowd. perhaps though the similarities were the precise cause of friction. i don't know. but i am truly saddened that it has come to this. still, such is life and friends have been made of bitter enemies and i hope that will be the case with us.


Ok partners in crime,

I couldnot agree more here: forget the past, it is really not needed to keep digging up this old soil (aya, Dutch saying translated lah...)

I won't take sides, as I truly feel both of you are partners in crimes here: 2 Singaporean women with great intellect, profound knowledge, good sense of humour, strongminded and of great class.
2 'gals' that make me always wanna read their comments and contributions.

But not like this meh!!!??? :cry:

Just start fresh as SE put it well, the world is all yours and it big enough for the 2 of you: fantastic women.

So please no more attacks here, k?

And like CD mentioned, in this virtual world it is so easy to misinterprete the intention of the other virtual person...

My suggestion would be that both of you would join us at a WNDC or whatever gathering and just have a laugh together, with all of us, for real and just like in the virtual reality.

Cheer up gals, love u both, you're wonderful ladies... :)

Eric

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Postby Carpe Diem » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 12:46 am

Nice thread indeed, where we all men, young and not so young ( :wink: ) do our best to make two young beautiful local ladies end their disagreement...

Come on, both of you, end it up and for real "have the last say"
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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Postby KT » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 5:18 am

Alternatively... since posts on the forum aint solving anything,

i suggest WIHM and LL have a cat fight , in which they will try and tear each others clothes off... the one with the least clothes left has lost.

Once the winner has been found using the cat fight method above , we would like to have a new begining so WIHM and LL will then show love to each other , kissing, hugging ..etc etc....

I m serious. Everyone just think about it for a minute.
"El tango no está en los pies. Está en el corazón."

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 7:52 am

KT wrote:i suggest WIHM and LL have a cat fight , in which they will try and tear each others clothes off... the one with the least clothes left has lost.

Once the winner has been found using the cat fight method above , we would like to have a new begining so WIHM and LL will then show love to each other , kissing, hugging ..etc etc...

you guys are sweet, and thanks KT for injecting some humour back into this thread. now about your suggestion, for the sake of my wardrobe, skin, and sanity, i admit defeat already! i don't need to win, nor to have the last say. i just want to log onto this site and not have to worry what i will read.

seriously, SE was right. it's not about winning. and the older i grow the less need i have to be right, or to save 'face' or point fingers. there are no bad guys, just lots of people with emotions and sensitivities rubbing each other up the wrong way.

anyway, i'm about done with this topic. i don't see what else i can do to make the peace without losing my own integrity. whatever the outcome, i am at peace with myself, and i hope peace will also reign on this board. it's a beautiful sunday and i'm going out to enjoy life instead of worrying what's happening on some silly online forum (no offence to anyone).

have a great day everyone!

ps: just wanted to apologise to neutral for hijacking your thread. guess what happened may have answered your question huh? :wink: anyway don't let this put you off women. there are more peaceable specimens out there i'm sure! :D anyway i'll shut up now before creating any more trouble. :wave:

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Postby locallass » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 8:55 pm

Guys, this is funny. After one day, I’ve come back to find a line from SE, Eric on the verge of suggesting another group hug, WIMH with another apology and KT and his sexual fantasies.

WIMH, you’re a bigger person than I am and I respect you for that. Now that enough time has passed for me to cool down, I do feel bad for that outburst. So it’s my turn to offer apologies for that. Yes, now that we’ve both aired our grievances, it’s time to move forward and start afresh.

Peace WIMH :)

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:01 pm

locallass wrote:Peace WIMH :)

peace locallass :D

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Postby banana » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:14 pm

So y'all ready to get back in the kitchen yet? The beer's not gonna get any colder.
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Carpe Diem
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Postby Carpe Diem » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:18 pm

banana wrote:So y'all ready to get back in the kitchen yet? The beer's not gonna get any colder.


I won't let you have the last say!
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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Postby banana » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:19 pm

:lol:

ok
some signatures are more equal than others

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Postby Carpe Diem » Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:23 pm

Thanks
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