husband is most likely having an affair

sapphire · Post by **sapphire** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:20 pm

Incorrect Eric, I think it depends on what scheme/subscription you opt for. My bill doesn't detail the nos. Oh and wonderful Singtel has been billing me for some 500 bucks per month with a gentle reminder that payment is not required!

Have spent 2 hours, met them, still the same crap, so one day I'll get a huge bill and will be expected to pay up of course!

My primary reason for not wanting a mobile so far and now see what the result is. Hate mobiles!

Bubbles · Post by **Bubbles** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:21 pm

Years ago in Britain there was a goverment scandal with MP's using high class prostitues and all the MP's being married as well....one of the call girls, Mandy Rice-Davies said, when asked why ALL the MP's denied doing wrong said 'No, nothing to do with us, we didn't sleep with them'...she said....

'Well, they WOULD say that, wouldn't they?'..........

And I think it's universally accepted that that is the first thing out of peoples' mouths when they are caught out.....

Perhaps Scooter should also weigh this into the equation, denial is the first port of the found out......

Though of course, he COULD be telling the truth..........maybe, perhaps, ........

varun · Post by **varun** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:22 pm

Saint wrote:...his wife had put the wrong mobile number into her call forwarding from her land line!

That's exactly the point... there ARE other possibilities to be considered...

Biscuit, I forgot to ask, did you check the Outbox? Were there outgoing messages to this person there? Most phones store a whole lot of outgoing messages too... If there are copies of outgoing messages, well... yet another nail in the coffin, I'm afraid.

Best,

- V.

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:24 pm

special people deserve special billing I guess (in your case

).

Misses Eric uses Singtel and gets the details, not having asked for it, Eric is using Starhub and gets the details, not having asked for it.

But in any case, Scooterbiscuit should be able to persuade hubby to have it proven by getting him to get all details of the phone usage.

Eric

sapphire · Post by **sapphire** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:30 pm

You mean special like retarded people?

Hey, maybe that'll be my excuse when Ã

ScooterBiscuit · Post by **ScooterBiscuit** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:44 pm

No there were no replies in his outbox.

He has since deleted all messages from said number in his phone.

He also uses a Singtel pre-paid so don't know how to get the details from that.

Having said that, and I'm ashamed to admit it, I did go through his phone bill for his Aust mobile which he still uses occasionally over here (god I feel so awful). There were several calls from the number in question with call times over 40 minutes. That seems like a long time to spend on the phone to someone you don't know. I know I really shouldn't snoop but I really have to know WTF is going on.

Yes he did give me his phone. However, he knows I am not the kind of person to go through sms messages normally. In fact the only reason I did was that we were expecting a call from a friend coming over to visit.

The thing that I can't get past is that if it were me in the situation I would have definitely mentioned to my husband that I was getting strange messages. In fact, back at home, our home phone number was one digit removed from a local escort agency. I was constantly answering the phone to guys looking for a good time. The first thing I did was tell my husband about the phone calls. Not because I thought he would suspect something,, but because when you're in a relationship you share your life with them and everything that goes on in it. The fact that he denies seeing these messages, denies replying to them and won't verify who they're from suggests to me that something strange is going on.

ScooterBiscuit · Post by **ScooterBiscuit** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:52 pm

Bit off the topic but to hell with it, it's my thread right?

As is my style, when anything happens in my life I go out and find out as much about said event as I can. Knowledge is understanding right?

So I research statistics of men and women having affairs. Each source says something different. One says 67% of men have affairs, another says that women are bigger perpetrators, then another source has a different figure.

My theory has always been that infidelity is not a gender based thing. I mean it's easy to say that men are evil cheating bastards, but who are they cheating with? women. So both sexes are equally guilty of having affairs.

Want to know what you guys think. Also would be interested in hearing from the married men. Any experiences?

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:54 pm

Scootberbiscuit,

I think it is obvious it has gotten to the extent of a situation that you need to have deep deep conversations with hubby here.

All signs say it is wrong, but then again, it is HIM having to say it. Ask yourself how you would feel if you walk out of a marriage right now. You would walk out based on suspicion, which is killing in the long term, you will keep asking yourself the question time after time for may years to follow.

This fact you could use to persuade hubby to tell you what is going on. If he has had long talks with this specific number on his other phone, ask him how that is possible, if he says he doesnot recognize the number. It is impossible to defend that from his perspective.

I really wish you strength in this, it is heartbraking...

All the best.

Eric

ScooterBiscuit · Post by **ScooterBiscuit** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 5:59 pm

Thanks Eric.

What sux about this whole situation is being here. I mean, singapore is a great place, but it is totally different to our life in Aust. My husband works really long hours and we don't really have time to chat anymore. That's why I'm thrashing this out on the forum, rather than talking to him.

Having said that it's great to have your opinion. Better than sitting at home alone.

I guess I'm used to talking about everything that's on my mind with my husband and that hasn't happened since he's been here. Usually if he upsets me I tell him straight away - I'm not a game player. Bugs me that he won't tell me what's going on.

Sorry to burden you guys with this.

MorningGlory · Post by **MorningGlory** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 6:11 pm

ScooterBiscuit wrote:Thanks Eric.

What sux about this whole situation is being here. I mean, singapore is a great place, but it is totally different to our life in Aust. My husband works really long hours and we don't really have time to chat anymore. That's why I'm thrashing this out on the forum, rather than talking to him.

Having said that it's great to have your opinion. Better than sitting at home alone.

I guess I'm used to talking about everything that's on my mind with my husband and that hasn't happened since he's been here. Usually if he upsets me I tell him straight away - I'm not a game player. Bugs me that he won't tell me what's going on.

Sorry to burden you guys with this.

No burden at all,, im sure we are all glad to help in some way. We would hope that it is not what it is, which is why you dont have to feel ashamed about the snooping- sometimes for the sake of love- you have a right to - you were following up on something which was 'handed' to you. Now before you confront him- you have done the checking and hold off the confrontation for as long as you can till all info is clear- in this case
what are the facts
- loving messages exchanged by sms
- denies knowledge of the person sending those messages tho he has replied to them?
- that number is in the phone bill and listed as a recieved call FROM that number for 40 minutes
- its unlikely that the woman's partner/spouse was calling her is it (as in one of the cases mentioned above in one post)

We are glad you are posting here and sharing your thoughts Scooter, this is a difficult time and we are here for you.

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 6:18 pm

ScooterBiscuit wrote:Thanks Eric.

What sux about this whole situation is being here. I mean, singapore is a great place, but it is totally different to our life in Aust. My husband works really long hours and we don't really have time to chat anymore. That's why I'm thrashing this out on the forum, rather than talking to him.

Having said that it's great to have your opinion. Better than sitting at home alone.

I guess I'm used to talking about everything that's on my mind with my husband and that hasn't happened since he's been here. Usually if he upsets me I tell him straight away - I'm not a game player. Bugs me that he won't tell me what's going on.

Sorry to burden you guys with this.

As said, this is heartbraking, no burden...

If you need a listening ear or want people around you to cheer u up (or whatever), DO come to the WNDC, only 2 more days...

Hold on there...

Eric

sapphire · Post by **sapphire** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 6:36 pm

He does mean heartbreaking and not heartbraking, forgive him, he's Dutch.

WNDC is a great idea though, you'll meet some new people, have a good laugh, talk about other stuff, distract your mind a bit, at least for a few. And, best of all you can come incognito, no one need know who you are!

ScooterBiscuit · Post by **ScooterBiscuit** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 6:39 pm

OK I'm there.

Never shown up to a bar on my own. How will I tell the WNDC crowd? i guess you'll all be drinking, but apart from that - do you all wear red carnations in your lapels?

sapphire · Post by **sapphire** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 6:43 pm

Nope, we wear shocking pink wigs instead!

Look up the thread on WNDC, Deadpoet mentioned where we'll be. Most newbies just ask a few people if they are from the WNDC. I believe its a small pub, so you see a biggish crowd, thats us!

ScooterBiscuit · Post by **ScooterBiscuit** » Mon, 17 Oct 2005 6:44 pm

Thanks Saphire - see you thereh

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husband is most likely having an affair

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