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TMF
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Listen to this !!

Postby TMF » Tue, 11 Oct 2005 3:46 pm

Italian Speaking English

http://www.wimp.com/italianenglish/

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Carpe Diem
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Postby Carpe Diem » Tue, 11 Oct 2005 3:57 pm

I did post this one already, but since we are speaking about Italians...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

trina01
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Italians

Postby trina01 » Tue, 11 Oct 2005 5:00 pm

Why are the jokes specifically at Italians? I don't see the relation between these jokes n Italians.

Many (in Italy) don't speak English at all and those who do (whether in Italy or overseas) are not like the examples mentioned above.

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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 11 Oct 2005 9:43 pm

Just because someone has dated an italian or visited italy doesn't make them and expert in italian-english. only italian-singlish.

just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others can't enjoy a joke. Funny though, these italian jokes have been around since ellis island was operational and that's before you were even a twinkle in your fathers eye. cool it.

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Postby trina01 » Wed, 12 Oct 2005 1:39 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Just because someone has dated an italian or visited italy doesn't make them and expert in italian-english. only italian-singlish.

just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others can't enjoy a joke. Funny though, these italian jokes have been around since ellis island was operational and that's before you were even a twinkle in your fathers eye. cool it.


1. I am not American. What has Ellis Island got to do with me?

2. I am Australian, not Singaporean. So what is this singlish thing about?

3. In my experience, the Italians in Italy and Australia are not anything like what was indicated in the 'jokes'. Pls do invite comments from Australian or Italian posters.

4. As for the type of English, does being Anglo-saxon render one better to comment on other's command of the language. If so, then it starts at the race thing all over again. All this innuendo.

5. What bad experience are you referring to and what has this got to do with the jokes?

SMS, all I am saying is I don't understand what has the jokes got to do with Italians. If the jokes are something that are universal to Americans - that all Americans laugh about, then I apologise for my ignorance. What I mean is stereotyping people isn't so funny after all.

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Postby Carpe Diem » Wed, 12 Oct 2005 8:22 am

OK, you don't like jokes about Italians.

But,
Do you like jokes about French?
Do you like jokes about Belgium?
Do you like jokes about Swiss?
Do you like jokes about Scottish?
Do you like jokes about Portuguese?
Do you like jokes about Polish?
Do you like jokes about Germans?
Do you like jokes about British?
Do you like jokes about Americans?
Do you like jokes about Chinese?
Do you like jokes about Indians?
Do you like jokes about Japanese?
Do you like jokes about white people?
Do you like jokes about black people?
Do you like jokes about Asian people?
Do you like jokes about Jewish?
Do you like jokes about Catholics?
Do you like jokes about Buddhists?
Do you like jokes about atheists?
Do you like jokes about Lawyers?
Do you like jokes about IT people?
Do you like jokes about engineers?
Do you like jokes about teachers?
Do you like jokes about priests?
Do you like jokes about doctors?
Do you like jokes about dentists?
Do you like jokes about nurses?
Do you like jokes about bartenders?
Do you like jokes about bar patrons?
Do you like jokes about blondes?
Do you like jokes about brunettes?
Do you like jokes about red haired?
Do you like jokes about short people?
Do you like jokes about tall people?
Do you like jokes about fat people?
Do you like jokes about slim people?

I do belong to at least 5 of the categories above. And I like all of them.
Jokes are not stereotyping people, unless you believe it.
Jokes are about having fun, not making fun of others.
I agree, it can be sometimes difficult to accept. May be you should try to open your mind a bit more?

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 12 Oct 2005 2:44 pm

trina01 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:Just because someone has dated an italian or visited italy doesn't make them and expert in italian-english. only italian-singlish.

just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others can't enjoy a joke. Funny though, these italian jokes have been around since ellis island was operational and that's before you were even a twinkle in your fathers eye. cool it.


1. I am not American. What has Ellis Island got to do with me?

2. I am Australian, not Singaporean. So what is this singlish thing about?

3. In my experience, the Italians in Italy and Australia are not anything like what was indicated in the 'jokes'. Pls do invite comments from Australian or Italian posters.

4. As for the type of English, does being Anglo-saxon render one better to comment on other's command of the language. If so, then it starts at the race thing all over again. All this innuendo.

5. What bad experience are you referring to and what has this got to do with the jokes?

SMS, all I am saying is I don't understand what has the jokes got to do with Italians. If the jokes are something that are universal to Americans - that all Americans laugh about, then I apologise for my ignorance. What I mean is stereotyping people isn't so funny after all.


I'd say you have a big chip on your shoulder for being an australian of chinese descent who dated italians. remember, I've been on this board longer than most of the current regulars with the exception of the Mods.
As I said before . . . cool it.

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Postby sapphire » Wed, 12 Oct 2005 3:02 pm

Haha I remember trina as well SMS. Likes to take the moral high ground here and there. Anyway here's what a joke is defined as:

Joke:

1) Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.
2) A mischievous trick; a prank.
3) An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation.

Informal.
a) Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality: The accident was no joke.
b) An object of amusement or laughter; a laughingstock

So, lighten up girl and join in the fun.
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Postby Vaucluse » Thu, 13 Oct 2005 4:18 pm

Very funny, indeed. Seen it written many times, never spoken - brilliant.

Now, trina00, you may castigate the Italians for the following joke:


Cristiano o Protestante?

Dopo una bellissima serata in un bar di Belfast un italiano si avvia a rientrare al proprio hotel quando appena svoltato l’angolo si sente una pistola puntata alla nuca.

Subito dopo una voce minacciosa lo interroga: «Sei Cristiano o Protestante?».

Superato il terrore e lo sgomento l’italiano risponde nel tentativo di farla franca, «Sono Ebreo!».

Al che la voce replica: «Devo proprio essere l’arabo più fortunato di tutta Belfast!».


If you have problems understanding it, I will gladly translate for you. Suffice it to say that these nasty pasty Italians are not being too kind to our anglo-celtic brethren.
......................................................

'nuff said Image

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Postby trina01 » Sun, 13 Nov 2005 11:31 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
trina01 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:Just because someone has dated an italian or visited italy doesn't make them and expert in italian-english. only italian-singlish.

just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others can't enjoy a joke. Funny though, these italian jokes have been around since ellis island was operational and that's before you were even a twinkle in your fathers eye. cool it.


1. I am not American. What has Ellis Island got to do with me?

2. I am Australian, not Singaporean. So what is this singlish thing about?

3. In my experience, the Italians in Italy and Australia are not anything like what was indicated in the 'jokes'. Pls do invite comments from Australian or Italian posters.

4. As for the type of English, does being Anglo-saxon render one better to comment on other's command of the language. If so, then it starts at the race thing all over again. All this innuendo.

5. What bad experience are you referring to and what has this got to do with the jokes?

SMS, all I am saying is I don't understand what has the jokes got to do with Italians. If the jokes are something that are universal to Americans - that all Americans laugh about, then I apologise for my ignorance. What I mean is stereotyping people isn't so funny after all.


I'd say you have a big chip on your shoulder for being an australian of chinese descent who dated italians. remember, I've been on this board longer than most of the current regulars with the exception of the Mods.
As I said before . . . cool it.


I have been in Singapore since 1973. Where were you?

If race is so important to you, I m a Teochew-Nonya.

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Bart
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Postby Bart » Mon, 14 Nov 2005 4:57 pm

trina01 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
trina01 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:Just because someone has dated an italian or visited italy doesn't make them and expert in italian-english. only italian-singlish.

just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others can't enjoy a joke. Funny though, these italian jokes have been around since ellis island was operational and that's before you were even a twinkle in your fathers eye. cool it.


1. I am not American. What has Ellis Island got to do with me?

2. I am Australian, not Singaporean. So what is this singlish thing about?

3. In my experience, the Italians in Italy and Australia are not anything like what was indicated in the 'jokes'. Pls do invite comments from Australian or Italian posters.

4. As for the type of English, does being Anglo-saxon render one better to comment on other's command of the language. If so, then it starts at the race thing all over again. All this innuendo.

5. What bad experience are you referring to and what has this got to do with the jokes?

SMS, all I am saying is I don't understand what has the jokes got to do with Italians. If the jokes are something that are universal to Americans - that all Americans laugh about, then I apologise for my ignorance. What I mean is stereotyping people isn't so funny after all.


I'd say you have a big chip on your shoulder for being an australian of chinese descent who dated italians. remember, I've been on this board longer than most of the current regulars with the exception of the Mods.
As I said before . . . cool it.


I have been in Singapore since 1973. Where were you?

If race is so important to you, I m a Teochew-Nonya.


What a frigging chameleon :???: :???:

One frigging moment an Aussie of Chinese extraction with a huge Italiano overlay

The next a bloody Teochew Nyona!!!

As they say in these parts, Bloody Rojak!!!

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Postby guruvishwanath » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 7:27 pm

And thus one more thread sidetracked due to one!

I opened this thread expecting a bunch of laughs and I find someone who is quite confused on whether they are here or there. And taking a moral highground in a section called "Leisure, Chat, Jokes, Rubbish". I dont see "Lecture, Castigate, Justify, Rationalize" in the heading, Trina!

Lighten up! Its a joke. If life is always taken too seriously, then boy! are we all in trouble! :shock:

Sapphire would agree here with me when I say that the biggest pool of jokes are made on sardars (folks who wear turbans and follow sikhism). In fact, some of the best jokes on these people came from these people who more often than not, have taken jokes in thier stride. Heck! i have a stock on my own roots which are hilarious! :lol:

So can I PLEASE have some funnies to laugh as I need them quite badly. Especially during dull office hours.

Cheers!

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Postby trina01 » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 8:16 pm

Bart wrote:
trina01 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
trina01 wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:Just because someone has dated an italian or visited italy doesn't make them and expert in italian-english. only italian-singlish.

just because you had a bad experience, doesn't mean others can't enjoy a joke. Funny though, these italian jokes have been around since ellis island was operational and that's before you were even a twinkle in your fathers eye. cool it.


1. I am not American. What has Ellis Island got to do with me?

2. I am Australian, not Singaporean. So what is this singlish thing about?

3. In my experience, the Italians in Italy and Australia are not anything like what was indicated in the 'jokes'. Pls do invite comments from Australian or Italian posters.

4. As for the type of English, does being Anglo-saxon render one better to comment on other's command of the language. If so, then it starts at the race thing all over again. All this innuendo.

5. What bad experience are you referring to and what has this got to do with the jokes?

SMS, all I am saying is I don't understand what has the jokes got to do with Italians. If the jokes are something that are universal to Americans - that all Americans laugh about, then I apologise for my ignorance. What I mean is stereotyping people isn't so funny after all.


I'd say you have a big chip on your shoulder for being an australian of chinese descent who dated italians. remember, I've been on this board longer than most of the current regulars with the exception of the Mods.
As I said before . . . cool it.


I have been in Singapore since 1973. Where were you?

If race is so important to you, I m a Teochew-Nonya.


What a frigging chameleon :???: :???:

One frigging moment an Aussie of Chinese extraction with a huge Italiano overlay

The next a bloody Teochew Nyona!!!

As they say in these parts, Bloody Rojak!!!


You're having a huge racial problem, BART!
Isn't a Teochew a Chinese?

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Postby Vaucluse » Fri, 18 Nov 2005 10:10 pm

Interesting . . . . . NOT! I would summise that humourless idiots are humourliess idiots, irrespective of their background.

So, what did you think of my joke, trina00?
......................................................



'nuff said Image

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Postby Mary Hatch Bailey » Sat, 19 Nov 2005 8:01 am

Carpe Diem wrote:Do you like jokes about French?
Do you like jokes about Belgium?
Do you like jokes about Swiss?
Do you like jokes about Scottish?
Do you like jokes about Portuguese?
Do you like jokes about Polish?
Do you like jokes about Germans?
Do you like jokes about British?
Do you like jokes about Americans?
Do you like jokes about Chinese?
Do you like jokes about Indians?
Do you like jokes about Japanese?
Do you like jokes about white people?
Do you like jokes about black people?
Do you like jokes about Asian people?
Do you like jokes about Jewish?
Do you like jokes about Catholics?
Do you like jokes about Buddhists?
Do you like jokes about atheists?
Do you like jokes about Lawyers?
Do you like jokes about IT people?
Do you like jokes about engineers?
Do you like jokes about teachers?
Do you like jokes about priests?
Do you like jokes about doctors?
Do you like jokes about dentists?
Do you like jokes about nurses?
Do you like jokes about bartenders?
Do you like jokes about bar patrons?
Do you like jokes about blondes?
Do you like jokes about brunettes?
Do you like jokes about red haired?
Do you like jokes about short people?
Do you like jokes about tall people?
Do you like jokes about fat people?
Do you like jokes about slim people?



Hey, CD,

You left out rabbis & nuns! :)

A Priest and a Rabbi are riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The Rabbi responds, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The Priest then asks, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the Rabbi replies, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork."

The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."

The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"


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