You know you live on the Gulf Coast when:

[Strong Eagle]

You know you live on the Gulf Coast when:

1. You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer.
2. You have more than 300 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer.
3. Your pantry contains more than 20 cans of Spaghetti Os.
4. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows.
5. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe hallway.
6. Your SSN isn't a secret, it's written in Sharpie on your arms.
7. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot.
8. Gasoline is a rare commodity worth waiting in line for hours just to get 10 gallons.
9. You are delighted to be able to pay $3 for a gallon of regular unleaded.
10. The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone.
11. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool.
12. You own more than three large coolers.
13. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it.
14. You rationalize helping a friend board up by thinking "It'll only take a gallon of gas to get there and back".
15. You have 2-liter coke bottles and milk jugs filled with water in your freezer.
16. Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight.
17. You catch a 13-pound redfish. In your driveway.
18. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy.
19. You consider a "vacation" to stunning Tupelo, Mississippi.
20. At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw.
21. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row.
22. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage.
23. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel.
24. Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof.
25. Ice is a valid topic of conversation.
26. Your "drive-thru" meal consists of MRE's and bottled water.
27. Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.
28. You spend more time on your roof then in your living room.
29. You've been laughed at over the phone by a roofer, fence builder or a tree worker.
30. A battery powered TV is considered a home entertainment center.
31. You don't worry about relatives wanting to visit during the summer.
32. Your child's first words are "hunker down"
33. Having a tree in your living room does not necessarily mean it's Christmas.
34. Toilet Paper is worth more than gold coins
35. You know the difference between the "good side" of a storm and the "bad side."
36. Your kids start school in August and finish in July.
37. You go to work early and stay late just to enjoy the air conditioning

[Mary Hatch Bailey]

Good one S.E! Reminds me of this classic:

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN...

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this."

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs

MHB, aka Viceroy Isabel Kebab Iota, nee BH10Y