Singapore Expats


Chats, Flames, Jokes, Junks. Don't know where to post ? You've just found the right place.
Post Reply
User avatar
Carpe Diem
Posts: 1587
Joined: Tue, 12 Jul 2005 11:29 pm
Location: Singapore


Post by Carpe Diem » Thu, 29 Sep 2005 1:25 am

This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says:
"Doctor, I just can't have an orgasm."

"Do you masturbate?", he says.

"No luck". is the reply.

"How about cunnilingus?"


"Kick-start vibrator?"

"Wakes up the neighbors, but not me." she complains.

"Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here." the doctor says as he walks into the next room.

He walks out with a black velvet case and places it on his lap. Her eyes widen as he opens it, revealing its contents.

"What is it", she gasps.

"It's a VOODOO DICK," he proclaims, as he hoists the foot-long, meaty shaft from the case.

"It is VERY powerful, but it can fulfill your every desire. Watch. VOODOO DICK, hand!" he commands.

The dick leaps across his lap into his open palm faster than the eye can see.

"Ooooh", she sighs.

"VOODOO DICK, box." The dick returns in a shot to its case.

"You may take this, but you must promise NOT to abuse its power."

Certainly, of course, anything you say" she sputters, the wetness in her mouth matched by the wetness in her panties.

So she takes the magic missile with her, thanking the good doctor and hurrying out to her car. But she can't wait to get home, so she prys the lid open on the seat next to her.

"VOODOO DICK, hand!" she commands. It flies eagerly into her hand. She is amazed by the size of this veiny tool, and quickly removes her underwear.

"VOODOO DICK, pussy!" she screams, and it obliges. Burying itself inside her in an instant, she gasps with pleasure.

"VOODOO DICK, freak me." It begins to thrust in and out.

"VOODOO DICK, faster!" It quickens the pace while the woman sits in sexual bliss. Unbelievable sensations course through her body.

"VOODOO DICK, harder!" It pounds away furiously as orgasms begin, one after the other. Soon the woman begins to tire, unaccustomed to this sort of satisfaction.


"VOODOO DICK, stop now!", she yells. It continues its relentless assault.

"Quit it, VOODOO DICK. That hurts" It is oblivious to her desires. She finally manages to wrench it from her pussy and throw it out the window. Just as she gets the window rolled up, it is there against the glass, trying to get in.

She quickly starts the car and screeches away in terror. 60, 70, 80 mph. The VOODOO DICK hot on (and for) her tail. 90, 100. The woman starts to pull away as the dick fades away behind the last corner. Sirens blare.

The women is babbling senselessly as the officer approaches her car. You-you have to let me go. There is this-this thing - gotta go" she yells.

"Lady, you were doing 100 miles an hour. What the hell is your problem?"

"You don't under-understand. There is this VOODOO DICK following me." she sputters.

"A WHAT?", the cop yells?

"A magic VOODOO DICK. It's after me!" she exclaims.

To which the cop replies, "VOODOO DICK, my ass!"
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

User avatar
Posts: 2237
Joined: Sun, 17 Apr 2005 3:38 pm

Post by sapphire » Thu, 29 Sep 2005 4:40 pm

:lol: :lol:
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

Post Reply

Return to “Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests