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Lawyers should be careful what they ask!

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sundaymorningstaple
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Lawyers should be careful what they ask!

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 21 Sep 2005 5:07 pm

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr.Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too! He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench. In a very quiet voice he said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

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Scorpion
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__+++____

Postby Scorpion » Wed, 21 Sep 2005 8:01 pm

Nice 1,..

But need to know 1, why was the judge so afraid.. 8-[
When u Need Someone to Be Beside u And No One Is Around Just Gaze Up In The Sky,u Might Not See Me But Be Sure That We r Under The Same Sky,I wl'd Never B 2 Far....
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sundaymorningstaple
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Re: __+++____

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Wed, 21 Sep 2005 8:44 pm

Scorpion wrote:Nice 1,..

But need to know 1, why was the judge so afraid.. 8-[


:wink: If you have to ask, you shouldn't be here. :wink:

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Vaucluse
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Postby Vaucluse » Thu, 22 Sep 2005 11:19 am

Is Scorpion related to ling-ling?
......................................................

'nuff said Image

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Baron Greenback
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Postby Baron Greenback » Thu, 22 Sep 2005 1:56 pm

Nice one SMS when I read the title of the thread I thought it was something else, but was pleasantly suprised. I thought it was going to be this:

1)
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2)
Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3)
Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'
Q: Did he kill you?

4)
Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5)
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6)
Were you alone or by yourself.

7)
How long have you been a French Canadian?

8)
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9)
Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10)
Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11)
Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12)
Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

13)
Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14)
So you were gone until you returned?

15)
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

16)
You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17)
Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18)
Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

19)
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

20)
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools."
Hemingway


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