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The elderly

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Kimi
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The elderly

Postby Kimi » Sun, 18 Sep 2005 8:21 pm

I was going to take a break but something happened today that made me wonder, so bugger it, here goes.
I came back to my complex and saw an elderly lady, more or less my grandmother's age, about 80 or probably above even, having a tough time to walk down the stairs in front of the gate.
One young woman actually walked passed her by without saying anything nor glimpsed at her.
I was behind and after I reached the old lady, I offered her to hold my hand while walking down the stairs.
Later I found out she actually lives in the same building with me and so we walked together while she was holding my hand still.
I couldn't help not to be curious so I asked if she lived alone and I must admit I was worried thinking she might even though here doesn't seem to be likely.
She told me she lives with her son, daughter-in-law and the grandson who is my age, 28.
I must admit I was quite concern thinking that nobody at least went with her or picked her up, so basically to stay with her while she was travelling anywhere.
She kept saying she felt sorry to trouble me and I kept replying that it's no trouble at all as I wasn't in a hurry anyway and was just going home myself.
So granted, probably it is the old lady who refused to be accompanied by anybody or all of the family members had a very important engagement to attend, and probably the young woman who walked passing her by didn't notice the old lady was having trouble walking or was deep in her thoughts...
But it just made me wonder, is it more common to put the elderly in the elderly house or is it more common for them to stay with their family here?
Any pros and cons perhaps?

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Postby dot dot dot » Sun, 18 Sep 2005 9:32 pm

I am of course not a local, but looking at my (local) inlaws and being here for 6 years, it seems to me it is quite common the mother and father stay with the eldest son and his family. Other siblings or sisters might also stay there, but (grand)ma and (grand)dad for sure. This of course if HDB life, but also here in our condo (and the others I have stayed) you encounter the same.

Nainai (grandma) and yaya (granddad) stay at home to take care of the kids of the son and do the cooking and some household, if not the maid.

Eric

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Cuchu
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Postby Cuchu » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 6:23 am

In Singapore it seems it is considered "shameful" to put the elderly in
an Old Folk's Home, how it is called over there, because it is seen as abandoning
your family member when he/she is useless and considered a burden.

However, in this day and age where most people come from two-income families,
where both the husband and wife work to support the family, while kids are
piled with schoolwork, it is unrealistic to expect them to have the time and energy
to care for the elderly 24/7. Still, because of this stigma associated with sending
your elderly family member to a nursing home, most families choose to keep
their aging mums and dads home with them. In time to come, most of the able
members would grow numb to the plight of that family member and go about
their own business, neglecting the elderly in the process.

What you witnessed today was probably an incident where people just got used
to such situations because they see the elderly everywhere they go, especially
with the aging population in Singapore. Most of these people have an elderly
at home with them as well. The young witness their parents neglecting their
grandparents. So, it's no surprise that people have grown apathetic to such sights,
sad, but true.

The elderly themselves do not help with the situation as they themselves
do not want to end up in a nursing home for fear of "losing face."
Usually, the people who reside in these nursing homes are in fact not
sent by their families, but abandoned and picked up in the streets by
charitable organizations.

Unlike in Welfare states, in Singapore the healthcare costs of an elderly family
member is borne solely by the family, one other reason some low-income
families can't afford decent care to the elderly. The pushing of responsibilities
by family members towards their old parents can sometimes cause disputes
among the family, because no one wants an elderly in their own home.

In short, growing old in Singapore is not something to look forward to
unless you come from a well-to-do family.

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crabathor
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Postby crabathor » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 6:25 am

probably the young woman who walked passing her by didn't notice the old lady was having trouble walking or was deep in her thoughts...

Or she didnt care. It is a cold world most of the time *sigh*

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banana
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Postby banana » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 9:00 am

Ahhh the hubris of old age. Something very evident here if you look hard enough.
some signatures are more equal than others

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Postby yuks » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 11:50 am

A very appropriate topic for the day Kimi - it's keirou no hi in Japan today :)

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Kimi
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Postby Kimi » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 12:46 pm

banana wrote:Ahhh the hubris of old age. Something very evident here if you look hard enough.


The hubris as being self-conceited? For example?

Yuks, yeah but didn't realise till you reminded me *blush*. And I still have to go to the office even though Japan market is closed, but not on Fri yay! :D

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Ling2
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Postby Ling2 » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 1:08 pm

Too prideful to ask for help?

My granny was one stubborn lady. She was blind but yet she fought whoever wanted to help her except me.

Perhaps they asking for help is one of the things they avoid doing, to avoid admitting what old age is doing to them.... one used to be independent.... takes it hard to rely on people all the time.

I have offered elderly my seat, carry their groceries. Luckily for me, they did not mistake me for a grocery snatcher :D

Perhaps less example of showing care for the elderly was set in the public....thus more care less

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Postby Vaucluse » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 3:22 pm

How many times have I asked kids/teenagers to get up for oldies only for the oldies to then say no . . . (It's still worth 'waking' the supposed 'sleeping' ones in the reserved/assigned seats . . . )

Pride, ling2? Possibly.
......................................................

'nuff said Image

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Postby beenhere10years » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 3:36 pm

Wow V, Now we can add Etiquette Officer to your ever growing CV.
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

-- jack handy

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banana
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Postby banana » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 3:45 pm

Vested interest maybe?
some signatures are more equal than others

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Vaucluse
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Postby Vaucluse » Mon, 19 Sep 2005 10:01 pm

banana wrote:Vested interest maybe?



I'm not interested in vests, too bloody hot here.

Yes, BH10Y - one of my failings is manners - drummed into me by my parents . . . Where would we be without civility and manners? (Yes, I can see the answers now)
......................................................



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beenhere10years
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Postby beenhere10years » Tue, 20 Sep 2005 6:42 am

Vaucluse wrote:
banana wrote:Vested interest maybe?



I'm not interested in vests, too bloody hot here.

Yes, BH10Y - one of my failings is manners - drummed into me by my parents . . . Where would we be without civility and manners? (Yes, I can see the answers now)


V, my parents also taught me the importance of manners. They were drummed into us as well from a very early age. Manners and proper grammar. Special attention was paid to how one should behave at the dinner table.

One of my pet peeves is to eat with someone who doesn't have any table manners. Ick (Hmmm... I think I'll start a new thread...) This has always confounded me: when I say 'excuse me' to someone here in Singapore, like when I'm out shopping and need to cut between them and a display they are looking at, they say: 'Sorry!' as if I was very upset.

'Excuse me just isn't used here like it is at home at all. Just think of the driving...
When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.



-- jack handy

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Kimi
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Postby Kimi » Tue, 20 Sep 2005 10:26 pm

Seems that can be one of the pros to have the elderly in the elderly home that they would feel happier and less lonely to have people in the same age range as their company, and I guess that might be better than to be neglected by their own family who are busy with their own things...
Or to be taken advantage like taking care of the small grandson or even cook for the adult and married son/daughter and their family! :? I reckon me mum would smack my head if I even dared ask her to do anything like that!

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Postby teabag » Wed, 21 Sep 2005 6:46 pm

Seems that can be one of the pros to have the elderly in the elderly home that they would feel happier and less lonely to have people in the same age range as their company,


Theoretically.
In reality, it could be quite depressing.
People literally die on your there. Here today gone tomorrow.
Before death there's usually sickness.
Imagine yourself surrounded by deaths and sicknesses. Watching and knowing you could be next.. . . . . .


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