about to have an afffair with a married man

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:44 am

This my story ,About 9 months ago I lost my husband due to cancer,and about 3 months ago a married man has been coming on to me .This man is also my best friend,we have met a few times scretly , haven't had sex ,just fooled around. now he is planning a secret meeting place where we can have sex.I don't know if this is the right thing to do ,but this really excites me.I have feelings for this man already , What should I DO

SPICE

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 12:14 pm

On a serious note, don't do it. Now you can still step out relatively easy, once you get into this , it will give you all kinds of emotions, except happiness.

The attention is of course welcome and overwhelming at this stage, but just take a step back and look for another partner that can concentrate just on you and vice versa.

Eric

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 12:32 pm

Hi Eric , Iam 45 years old ,other than 20 year olds hiting on me it hard to find someome my own age,as I live in a small village. Iknow in my heart this is very wrong,but I AM VERY LONELY.

This man has been watching me for years even before he was married and because I was married at the time nothing happened. HELP! spice

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 12:56 pm

I can understand Spice, but try putting yourself in the shoes of your friends' partner.

If you think the two of you are to be together as it is both your destiny, then see if he will divorce first. But even then, imagine what will come ahead: the divorce and the whole aftermath, no hapiness to be foreseen, is it?

I am afraid I am of no help, as I am not supporting this. But hey, who am I?

You might wanna read the book 'salt on my skin' by Benoite Groult. Romanticised, but still may be helpful.

Eric

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 1:11 pm

I find it hard to talk to strangers but ,I CANNOT talk to anyone else about this,SO i searched the net and found this site hoping to find afriend and someone to talk to. Iwas a very devote christain until my husband died ,now I feel very lost and alone.MY lifestyle has changed dramatically.Ijust don't want to be alone the rest of my life.By the way my name is not really spice its Muriel.

beenhere10years · Post by **beenhere10years** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 3:45 pm

What should you do?

Run away as fast as you can in the other direction.

End of story.

ingenue · Post by **ingenue** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 3:49 pm

The anticipation is the best thing about affairs. It's all downhill from there. Good luck

You're going to need it in spades

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 9:20 pm

Does anyone have any postive input about my having an affair? spice

locallass · Post by **locallass** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 9:41 pm

Are you here to get good advice? Or to hear only what you want to hear?

You don't want this man. You just want someone, anyone, to reassure you that you're still attractive and that you won't be alone for the rest of your life.

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 9:59 pm

I'm wondering if I broke this off now,we still could be friends.He has always been there in that way in a supportive way. Ijust don't want to lose that .spice

Vaucluse · Post by **Vaucluse** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 10:51 pm

spice wrote:Does anyone have any postive input about my having an affair? spice

I was going to stay out of this one, trying to be sensitive, bbut your last post rubbed me up the wrong way.

Sorry lady, but either you are doing a tug-job or you only want to hear an answer that will justify your doing soemthing that is quite unacceptable, but what is really base and shows your double standards is:

because I was married at the time nothing happened.

So, while you were married you would not let anything happen to endanger your marriage, but you don't give a flying one for your

best friend

and his marriage. This is shallow and despicable.

Would it not sit better on your mind to ensure that your 'best friend' has a succesful marriage and that you have been strong enough to keep him on the beaten track. You have the opportunity to provide invaluable positive or destructive input.

Your choice:

Destroy a marriage because you are selfish

Save a marriage because you know the importance and value of one.

But then you really already know what is right and what is wrong and nothing anyone here tells you will sway you . . .

locallass · Post by **locallass** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:14 pm

spice wrote:I'm wondering if I broke this off now,we still could be friends.He has always been there in that way in a supportive way. Ijust don't want to lose that .spice

If he's going to leave you because you can't have sex with him, then he was never a real friend to begin with. You're not losing anything really.

Sorry but I also have an issue with your signature. Aiyoh, there are so many other things in life other than love!!! If you're vulnerable and emotionally needy, you're bound to make lousy choices. Why not focus on rebuilding your life after your husband's death instead? You'll be in a much better position to meet the right person (or reject the wrong one) then.

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:26 pm

Vaucluse, Ihave never thought of my best friend in any sexual way in the past .Ieven tried to dis courage it.He was like a brother to me.He's the one who made all the moves .We have so much in common and are comfortable with each other and I guess somehow passion and emotions got in the way.Wasn't my intentions to try to cause any problems. But like I said Ihave these feeling for him now and don't know how to just shut them off.Of course I have feelings about his wife and feel bad about this situation.I am not a tramp or a sleeze . Iam really a caring person, that really shouldn't of got involved. But you see I think I love him not because of anything sexual ,cause that has not even happened yet. I really don't know what to do. Iam torn.

spice

spice · Post by **spice** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:45 pm

Just wanted to say that I am rebuilding my life . what if I brake it off and it was a mistake to because you never know what is meant to happen in this life. Sometimes people just marry the wrong one and for reasons that are the wrong ones .(example getting her pregnant) Believe me you can do the honerable thing and marry that person but in the long run is it really LOVE.spice

Vaucluse · Post by **Vaucluse** » Sat, 17 Sep 2005 11:46 pm

Ok, going out on a limb here and taking this seriously:

You are Canadian? Ok, you must be nice, so:

Clerly the consensus is for you to stay away. No need to ask for otehr options.
Read my post again - see how you fit in there.

Good night

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about to have an afffair with a married man

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