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Lets face it - English is a terrible language!!

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Carpe Diem
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Lets face it - English is a terrible language!!

Postby Carpe Diem » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 2:14 am

There is no egg in the eggplant,
no ham in the hamburger and
neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
boxing rings are square and
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth.
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play, yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
where a house can burn up as it burns down
and in which you fill in a form by filling it out.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all).
That is why when the stars are out they are visible,
but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts
but when I wind up this story it ends?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist,
but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars
in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet
paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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Postby Vaucluse » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 9:45 am

:lol:


Luckily our languages are so logical and simple . . . :D

(hmm, except for 4-20-10-9. There's a riddle for you - not you, CD, too easy)
......................................................

'nuff said Image

dot dot dot
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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 12:14 pm

And now in French CD, let's see that one? :mrgreen:

Eric

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Postby Carpe Diem » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 1:05 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:And now in French CD, let's see that one? :mrgreen:

Eric


Il n'y a pas d'oeuf dans la courgette,
pas de jambon dans le hamburger et
non plus de pin ni de pomme dans l'ananas....

It makes no sense, you will have to admit.



So, back to English:

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up
speaking English:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it
was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass
drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
1 After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
23) And in the big scheme of things, a minute is rather minute!

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but
not one amend?

Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a
slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites?

If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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KT
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Postby KT » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 1:32 pm

If Dad is Pop , Mom should be Yay , not Mop !

Think about it :wink:

Carpe Diem wrote:
If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?
"El tango no está en los pies. Está en el corazón."

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Postby Carpe Diem » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 2:08 pm

We're talking about English language, not logic tests... :wink:
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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KT
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Postby KT » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 2:25 pm

either way .... it shows the same result ... english language doesnt follow logic :cool:

Carpe Diem wrote:We're talking about English language, not logic tests... :wink:
"El tango no está en los pies. Está en el corazón."

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Postby Carpe Diem » Thu, 08 Sep 2005 10:14 pm

OK, let's continue with English language...


There is a two-letter word that perhaps
has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the
list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a
meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are
the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a
report?
We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the
silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think
UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in
the dictionary.
In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page
and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is
used.
It will take UP a lot of your time,
but if you don't give UP,
you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.
When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets UP the earth.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,
for now my time is UP, so.............
Time to shut UP.....!

Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U P
La vie est trop courte, profitons de chaque instant

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Bee
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Postby Bee » Tue, 13 Sep 2005 5:24 pm

Absolutly LOVE IT!!! :D

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Ling2
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Postby Ling2 » Tue, 13 Sep 2005 6:23 pm

Since we are touching on language.....thought I share :lol:


ENGLISH will be the European Union Official Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the European Union rather
than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the 1st year, ... "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be
dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and
keyboards kan have one less letter.

In the 2nd year, ... there will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This
will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, ... publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters
which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer, ... people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ... ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil
finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ... ve vil al be speking German like zey
vunted in ze forst plas.

P/S. If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.


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