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The Mathematics of Good Love

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Wind In My Hair
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The Mathematics of Good Love

Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 5:45 pm

recently someone shared with me her perspective on how to tell if a relationship was good for you. i thought I'd put it here just in case it may help someone. it's a simplistic model and won't win any nobel prizes, just take it for what it's worth ok? it uses the four mathematical functions: +, -, x, /.

+ (addition): does the relationship add to your life, eg new perspectives, new skills, new habits (good ones)

- (subtraction): does it take away from eg your happiness, peace of mind, self-esteem, zest for living

x (multiplication): does the relationship multiply your individual talents and gifts, so you use these to help others better than you could on your own

/ (division): does it cause you to feel torn between what you want to do and what you feel you should do, or compete unreasonably for your time

needless to say, you want a relationship where the addition and multiplication effects outweigh the subtraction and division.
Last edited by Wind In My Hair on Wed, 31 Aug 2005 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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cool

Postby IrishinSing » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 5:48 pm

WIMH

I like this a lot. I will use it going forward in all relationships.

All those symbols are buttons on my calculator. So is "Cancel" and I will use it if it doesn't add up right!!
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Postby seraphim » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 5:53 pm

Suddenly, I like math. :D

Good way of looking at things from a more practical perspective.
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Re: cool

Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 5:59 pm

IrishinSing wrote:All those symbols are buttons on my calculator. So is "Cancel" and I will use it if it doesn't add up right!!

nice addendum, Irish!

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Postby dot dot dot » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 6:26 pm

here's an addition ( + ), although maybe perceived as a subtraction ( - ), but still:

A relationship is to be built, structured, shaped etc etc, not to be consumed. So don't sit back with your math papers in front of you and start noting plusses or minusses, a good relationship takes a lot of effort to build. You won't even have time to reflect the plusses and minusses on the long term. It will grow into something, but only if you put all your efforts, energy and patience in it. And even then... no results guaranteed.

Eric

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Re: The Mathematics of Good Love

Postby superedge » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 8:19 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:recently someone shared with me her perspective on how to tell if a relationship was good for you. i thought I'd put it here just in case it may help someone. it's a simplistic model and won't win any nobel prizes, just take it for what it's worth ok? it uses the four mathematical functions: +, -, x, /.

+ (addition): does the relationship add to your life, eg new perspectives, new skills, new habits (good ones)

- (subtraction): does it take away from eg your happiness, peace of mind, self-esteem, zest for living

x (multiplication): does the relationship multiply your individual talents and gifts, so you use these to help others better than you could on your own

/ (division): does it cause you to feel torn between what you want to do and what you feel you should do, or compete unreasonably for your time

needless to say, you want a relationship where the addition and multiplication effects outweigh the subtraction and division.


Even thou I admire your posts and I agree with mostly of them ;) I might say I do not think like that.
IMO, to find good love is like falling from very high into a swimingpool... without worrying if it has water or not. (risky, hun?)

I guess everyone have to find out your own, that was mine... and you have suceeded in finding yours, haven't you? ;)

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Postby briceloh » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 8:36 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:here's an addition ( + ), although maybe perceived as a subtraction ( - ), but still:

A relationship is to be built, structured, shaped etc etc, not to be consumed. So don't sit back with your math papers in front of you and start noting plusses or minusses, a good relationship takes a lot of effort to build. You won't even have time to reflect the plusses and minusses on the long term. It will grow into something, but only if you put all your efforts, energy and patience in it. And even then... no results guaranteed.

Eric


Eric, we talking about unconditional love here? :)
IBMing

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Postby banana » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 9:15 pm

"Hey baby, you plus me minus our clothes, divide your legs and we'll multiply?"

I got slapped.
some signatures are more equal than others

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Re: The Mathematics of Good Love

Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 31 Aug 2005 10:54 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:A relationship is to be built, structured, shaped etc etc, not to be consumed. So don't sit back with your math papers in front of you and start noting plusses or minusses, a good relationship takes a lot of effort to build. You won't even have time to reflect the plusses and minusses on the long term. It will grow into something, but only if you put all your efforts, energy and patience in it. And even then... no results guaranteed.


Eric, appreciate your comments and definitely agree that a relationship has to be built once you've found the right one. I guess this suggestion comes in helpful for those who are not sure whether to stay in a relationship or not. Not everyone is as fortunate as you to be happily married :D The rest of us lost souls :wink: who are still searching sometimes are trapped in relationships that are wrong for us. There comes a time when you need to evaluate whether a relationship is worth fighting to keep. It's hard to think objectively when you are immersed in the relationship though, so sometimes we need some signposts.

superedge wrote:Even thou I admire your posts and I agree with mostly of them ;) I might say I do not think like that.
IMO, to find good love is like falling from very high into a swimingpool... without worrying if it has water or not. (risky, hun?)

I guess everyone have to find out your own, that was mine... and you have suceeded in finding yours, haven't you? ;)


Edge, thank you for the kind words. i kind of prefer water in the pools i dive into so i guess we have different living and loving styles, and possibly different thickness of skulls? :P just kidding.

i've found lots of loves, but not yet good love. in hindsight i wish i'd had the wisdom to get out of some wrong relationships sooner than i did.

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Re: The Mathematics of Good Love

Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 01 Sep 2005 3:39 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:Not everyone is as fortunate as you to be happily married :D


That's my point Wimh, a marriage doensot even guarantee anything at all. After the wedding the structuring, the shaping etc is just continuing. All efforts needed there as well. Nothing comes itself, it is what you make of it.

I am not implying you are thinking like this, but I just wanna blow the airbubble that a marriage is a goal to strive for, as being the ultimate happiness. No way, it is hard work as sms once put out very well in one of his postings I remember.

But, it is worth the efforts... :D

Eric

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Re: The Mathematics of Good Love

Postby superedge » Thu, 01 Sep 2005 4:00 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:
Wind In My Hair wrote:Not everyone is as fortunate as you to be happily married :D


That's my point Wimh, a marriage doensot even guarantee anything at all. After the wedding the structuring, the shaping etc is just continuing. All efforts needed there as well. Nothing comes itself, it is what you make of it.

I am not implying you are thinking like this, but I just want to blow the airbubble that a marriage is a goal to strive for, as being the ultimate happiness. No way, it is hard work as sms once put out very well in one of his postings I remember.

But, it is worth the efforts... :D

Eric


correct.

And actually, the thing I most like in my marriage is that we do not limit ourselves. I can talk about my ex-girls to my wife, I could see pictures of her old guys also...and talk about it, we joke etc.
If she sees me tomorrow in a bar having a drink and talking to another woman she will not hit me, she will know that's just a friend. That level of confidence in our relationship is what I most love. and it needs a daily work too keep it like that.

ok ok..she is a hot-blooded-spanish-descendant and I am a latino macho who keeps looking at all the pretty girls that walk near by me :D , and sometimes she gets jealous about crazy little things, like any other woman ;)... but nothing insane as I already saw before with other couples, we all some day had some funny crazy situations with some ex-girls/ex-boyfriends.

I find my wife's jealousy is actually quite charming :) and I consider that's part of the game. and also part of the daily hard work.

but love 100% love...that's I find in my family, in my mother and father. but I am getting there, hopefully I will be father on day next year ;) working on that

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 01 Sep 2005 4:18 pm

haha... Edge, the father thing needs effort too, I agree. But you latino, should be no problem at all lah! :wink:

Eric

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Re: The Mathematics of Good Love

Postby Wind In My Hair » Thu, 01 Sep 2005 4:25 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:I am not implying you are thinking like this, but I just want to blow the airbubble that a marriage is a goal to strive for, as being the ultimate happiness. No way, it is hard work as sms once put out very well in one of his postings I remember.


chicken and duck talk? i appreciate your point. it's just a different point than i'm trying to make. so there's no disagreement really.

let's define 'right relationships' as those that you can build a marriage on and yes, that's hard work as you point out. 'wrong relationships' are those you do not want to build a marriage on and sometimes we need a kick in the backside to get up and leave a wrong relationship. that's all.

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 01 Sep 2005 4:34 pm

Hi wimh,

Apologize for not being clear, I didnot intend to say we disagree, it was just an addition to your posting.

Eric

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Postby superedge » Thu, 01 Sep 2005 4:42 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:haha... Edge, the father thing needs effort too, I agree. But you latino, should be no problem at all lah! :wink:

Eric


I keep on training lah :)


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