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Intersting: Language of Love -- which is yours?

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

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Wind In My Hair
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Postby Wind In My Hair » Wed, 17 Aug 2005 8:01 am

Strong Eagle wrote:
Wind In My Hair wrote:
Strong Eagle wrote:
spouting inane platitudes at my altar


My dear... I thought all women were on a pedestal, not an altar.


i suppose you put us on a pedestal when you adore us, and on an altar when you worship us.... just make sure it's one or the other! :wink:


Har har har! 8) Do you get nose bleeds up there, elevated at that lofty level? :lol:


of course not... only plebeians unused to these heights have that problem. by the way... who's that yelping about nose bleeds down there? can't really see from up here... :wink: :lol:

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Postby Strong Eagle » Wed, 17 Aug 2005 3:17 pm

Wind In My Hair wrote:
Strong Eagle wrote:
Wind In My Hair wrote:
Strong Eagle wrote:
spouting inane platitudes at my altar


My dear... I thought all women were on a pedestal, not an altar.


i suppose you put us on a pedestal when you adore us, and on an altar when you worship us.... just make sure it's one or the other! :wink:


Har har har! 8) Do you get nose bleeds up there, elevated at that lofty level? :lol:


of course not... only plebeians unused to these heights have that problem. by the way... who's that yelping about nose bleeds down there? can't really see from up here... :wink: :lol:


Are you sure you're not suffering from a lack of oxygen up at those altitudes? 8)

VodkaCranberry79

Postby VodkaCranberry79 » Wed, 17 Aug 2005 7:53 pm

Oh excuse me, back to YF's first post, I think it's true that western girls are more compliment orientated. Good for them.

Mine is a conservative asian upbringing and my parents never told me I was cute or pretty. They told me I 'wasn't ugly'. They never told me I was smart, just 'work harder'. I wish they had been more generous with compliments. I remember walking around feeling a little light-headed when my first boyfriend told me I was 'stunning, gorgeous' (never mind that he lied most of the time)

I make an effort to say nice things to people around me now, however with very limited examples from my parents, somehow they end up sounding like sarcasm. :D

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 10:11 am

Interesting note there Vodka,

My experiences here with Singaporean women is quite the same, they are not so much used of being complimented, their reactions differ from being slightly uncomfortable with it, or being suspicious or in the worst case snap in reply.

Your examples I recognize, it seems to me that parents here are not generous at all in complimenting here. No positive stimulation or confirmation, only threatening (the cane) and silence.

Different cultures again.

Eric

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Postby JayV » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 11:15 am

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:Interesting note there Vodka,

Your examples I recognize, it seems to me that parents here are not generous at all in complimenting here. No positive stimulation or confirmation, only threatening (the cane) and silence.

Different cultures again.

Eric


I do not think it is that bad. and I would not single out Singapore. Lack of positive stimulation to children can be, and I am afraid is a growing problem in Western countries as well. Instead, I can see a healthy level of togetherness and family values in Asian cultures, which is a very good thing.

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 11:18 am

JayV wrote:
Eric from the Netherlands wrote:Interesting note there Vodka,

Your examples I recognize, it seems to me that parents here are not generous at all in complimenting here. No positive stimulation or confirmation, only threatening (the cane) and silence.

Different cultures again.

Eric


I do not think it is that bad. and I would not single out Singapore. Lack of positive stimulation to children can be, and I am afraid is a growing problem in Western countries as well. Instead, I can see a healthy level of togetherness and family values in Asian cultures, which is a very good thing.


Agree Jay,

I put it quite firm, but it is true that in a lot of western countries morals and manners are diminshing, and this is certainly not 'uniquely Singapore' regarindg the upbringing as mentioned.

But I did recognize Vodka's comments straight away, as they were all my own experiences as well.

Eric

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 12:23 pm

VodkaCranberry79 wrote:Oh excuse me, back to YF's first post, I think it's true that western girls are more compliment orientated. Good for them.

Mine is a conservative asian upbringing and my parents never told me I was cute or pretty. They told me I 'wasn't ugly'. They never told me I was smart, just 'work harder'. I wish they had been more generous with compliments. I remember walking around feeling a little light-headed when my first boyfriend told me I was 'stunning, gorgeous' (never mind that he lied most of the time)

I make an effort to say nice things to people around me now, however with very limited examples from my parents, somehow they end up sounding like sarcasm. :D


agree with vodka. this is one of the areas i've learnt a lot from western cultures. i think it's great the way kids are affirmed by their parents, and even adults compliment each other. saying 'i love you' is rare in asian cultures and now i've learnt to say that to my little nephew but still find it awkward to say to my parents cos it's just not the done thing in mine and most asian families.

i also like the kissing and hugging that takes place in many western cultures. one thing confuses me though - do you kiss on both cheeks or one? and does that depend on where you come from, whether it's male-female or female-female... if some could enlighten on this please? i find it hard to know whether to hug or kiss in greeting or farewell, and if kissing then when to kiss on one cheek, and when to kiss on both cheeks.

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 12:49 pm

ok wimh,

crash course western kissing? :lol:

differs from country to country, and even inside countries, form region to region.

Holland: 3 kisses when greeting / meeting. Man kisses woman, starting on the left cheek, the right, then left again. woman to woman, same. man to man, not common, more a firm handshaking or a hug on the shoulder with the force to show the friendship. Some do kiss as a symbol of friendship, 3 on the cheeks again.

parents to kiss to affirm and show the loving? hugs and kisses on the forehead and cheek as well, close to the mouth and a hand on the other cheek.

I believe the 3 kisses in Holland are quite unique, don't really know of any other countries to do the 3 kisses ritual.

farewell the same ritual btw.

Eric

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Postby sapphire » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 1:42 pm

Well, I don't remember my folks ever saying - I love you to me. But, do I doubt their love for me, nope. Each and every culture has its pros and cons...Not going to get into details, too lazy to do that. :D
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Postby beenhere10years » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 3:18 pm

I remember being at some coffee morning or room mother thing a few years ago and getting kissed goodbye 3 times by the Mexican Ambassador's wife -- a complete stranger. Seemed odd but I wrote it off to our cultural differences.

Even within cultures it is highly personal, this kissing thing. I know American families who rarely kiss their kids and others that kiss their kids right on the lips. I have an older brother that gives me a quick kiss on the lips when I see him while the others are just huggers. In the end, its all good.
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VodkaCranberry79

Postby VodkaCranberry79 » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 3:34 pm

I thought the triple kiss came from South America till I read Eric's post above. When I was in South America people were always coming up saying 'Hola mi amor' or 'Que haces chiquita' and the three kisses would follow. Even if they're just passing by they'd say 'Ciao' and duely deliver the kisses

As they say, when one is in Rome....

However I find it slightly strange, may I say, pretentious when the locals do it :roll: Maybe it's just me. It's not done in a playful or flirtatious way, it's darn serious. So I guess it's really in the way you deliver it.

A kiss is supposed to put everyone at ease :wink:

Not to confuse them [/img]

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 4:07 pm

I forgot to add that in 99% of all cases, only when you know the other people, you kiss them. Otherwise, you just shake hands. So not on the first occasion like bh10y mentions. That would kind of scare me off as well. Having said that, when a man introduces his wife or alike (Holland is notorious for its weirdest kind of relationships), first greeting would thus be shaking hands, but when the farewell on the same occasion pops up, depending on how informal the conversation was, we do start kissing farewell already.

(We're a bunch of softies, always this kissing around, yukkks) :lol:

About the 3 kissing thing in South America, I don't remember so much, strangely, as I have been there for quite some time. I remember that the handshaking can be very different to ours. In Holland we shake hands quite firm, in South America I remember it is like here, a soft, almost 'dead' hand.

Eric
Last edited by dot dot dot on Thu, 18 Aug 2005 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 4:07 pm

VodkaCranberry79 wrote:As they say, when one is in Rome....

However I find it slightly strange, may I say, pretentious when the locals do it :roll: Maybe it's just me. It's not done in a playful or flirtatious way, it's darn serious. So I guess it's really in the way you deliver it.

A kiss is supposed to put everyone at ease :wink:

Not to confuse them [/img]


well i did get confused when my dutch friend went for my cheek again after the first two kisses... i wasn't sure if i'd lost count or he! :) anyway thanks eric for clarifying.

also some western girlfriends kiss on one cheek, some on both. i usually just wait for them to take the lead the first time.

i've never seen locals kiss each other on the cheeks. hugging is normal for close girlfriends but generally males and females don't touch each other unless they are a couple.

VodkaCranberry79

Postby VodkaCranberry79 » Thu, 18 Aug 2005 4:33 pm

Ah sorry for the confusion. I meant KL. Local KL girls who happen to date expatriates tend to kiss the other expat girlfriends three times on the cheek. It's a common sight in Bangsar. :D But then again what's common in Bangsar is hardly relevant in the rest of the country.

[/quote]

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Postby YF » Fri, 19 Aug 2005 9:47 am

Thing about the compliment thing is that talk is cheap. Moreover, western girls are often more complimented for their looks than anything else because compliments are big here. They grow up with "Oh you are so pretty" "oh you are so cute" etc. Girls quickly get assimulated into thinking that their looks are their most important quality.

I like it that asian culture expression of "love" has more substance -- things are done with actions and not words. Action takes REAL effort. If someone does something for you they have to give something of themselves, it is very sacraficial. In western culutre you can afford to be more self centered because you don't give as much of yourself. Things become a vaneer -- better to look good than be good as the saying goes.

I think ULTIMATELY you want to give compliments to your children but you should be sparing with it, and save it for important things. Things like "i love you" I am sure are fine though. Compliments should not be paid as another means to celebrate medicority which is done here all the time. Oh you graduated from grade 5! Lets have a party!!

If you don't like giving compliments, however, I think something that is nice, and thoughtful is someithng like a card or a letter because it is a premeditated compliment and something that lasts beyond the moment. I think this is a good way for a "service oriented" person to express a compliment to someone who prefers verbal affirmation.

Rob


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