When a little knowledge can be dangerous

[Carpe Diem]

The following are all quotes for 11 year olds' science exams

Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When you smell an oudourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up another.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The amilentary canal is located in the northern part if Indiana
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight caninies, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vasuum. I forget where the sun joins in the fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
Litter: A nest of young puppies
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.