To be a player or be played?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri, 19 Aug 2005 10:55 am

Missy, your story is close enough to my story as far as the insecurity is concerned. My father wasn't quite as much of a loser as yours but he did leave deep insecurities and scars in me because of the way he behaved around other women and of course, I had to watch my ma suffer. Of course, as a girl, I identified with my ma. So, I also had a love/hate relationship with men and refused to commit to any guy cos I looked upon them as spineless weak jerks who think with their dicks only. Idiots and fools who don't care who is hurt as long as they get the ego/sex strokings they crave. Wanna manipulate a man? Just get the idiot's hormones going and he's yours baby. Jerks.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri, 19 Aug 2005 11:05 am

But I found out that there are different kinds of men. Not all men are jerks. If your boyfriend is not a jerk and he is prepared to stick with you, knowing all about the scars that were put in your life because of a lousy example of a dad, he is a gem. Don't drive him away because of your distrust and insecurities, if you can. Tell him ahead of time that there may be times where your insecurites may make you behave totally irrationally and you may look 'mad'. But you aren't insane; you are just badly wounded and hurt. And it is hard for you to trust men and believe they can be good and loving and faithful and put someone else's interest before their own.

You will need to heal, like I did. You will also grow, like I did. Give yourself room to do this. It will hurt you to have to change because a lot of the lessons you learned, you learnt in pain. And you now accept them as truth. But they are true only for guys who are jerks. Your boyfriend may not be a jerk, so those old lessons might not apply to him.

local lass · Post by **local lass** » Fri, 19 Aug 2005 11:13 am

Very well said Guest. I was going to say something similar but you put it a lot better than I ever could.

whatalark · Post by **whatalark** » Fri, 19 Aug 2005 11:21 am

thenk ya local lass! i just realized i didn't sign in when you called me "guest".

Wind In My Hair · Post by **Wind In My Hair** » Fri, 19 Aug 2005 11:44 am

agree whole-heartedly with the previous posts by whatalark and YF, which i thought were excellent and put my own sentiments into words more clearly and succinctly than i would have been able to do.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat, 20 Aug 2005 2:58 pm

Glad Missy managed to be positive

By e way, can i also ask for some advice too? I m very torn by this guy for a year..we were seeing each other for a few months but i chose to end it cos i dont like e idea that he's comfortable with seeing a few women at e same time and i dont want to be stuck in a relationship that has no direction at all..he accepted it and i was e one who suggested remaining as friends as i did with all my previous ex-boyfriends. So we remained as friends, he calls me every 3 days, we go out about once every 2 weeks, but i realised i cant get over him, i didnt realise my feelings for him were so deep, it's my 1st time like this..and gradually i find myself longing to see him more, and wondering and hoping if we can start over again. But he gives me mixed signals and i m really bad at guessing all these..my friends told me to just stop all contact with him, but i cant bring myself to do it and partly i was e one who suggested remaining as friends, but i cant handle it now?! Can someone tell me what constitutes as friends between a male and a female even after they were together last time or signals that things can progress further cos i m really confused..

Nowhere · Post by **Nowhere** » Sat, 20 Aug 2005 3:13 pm

Sorry, forgot to name myself when i posted e message just now. Figured it would be easier for people to identify me..

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To be a player or be played?

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