To be a player or be played?

[sundaymorningstaple]

WIMH......

[Wind In My Hair]

WIMH......

ah sms, you're back. missed you! and while you are extremely good at reading my mind i'm afraid my skill in reading yours is still lacking somewhat. pray tell, why do you wink?

[sundaymorningstaple]

I just though you previous post was excellent and needed no words but did need acknowledgement.

[Missy Mania]

That seems unthinkable for me.
You could relegate me as one of those orthadox muslim or hindu women who'd rather die or live through beatings from their husbands than go through the "dishonour" of a divorce.
I'm kinda like that, only on the marriage part.

We pledged ourselves to each other, and we both left our countries to study together funded by each other's parents and what little we can save up, work or scrape up.
Just that he does the bulk of the financial stuff, especially on the receiving end, since he's quite a bit more well-off than I am.

I guess perhaps you're right in the sense that I would be able to find a nicer guy (that is, if I'm optimistic about it), but...what if I feel this is the guy for me, my soul mate, the one I wanna have my kids with, and there's no turning back from that day I even allowed someone to touch me, even if it were just holding hands?

I will try to trust him.
.....I guess you're also right on the part I'd never be able to accept nor heal if he cheats on me....I'm a very vindictive, and very vengeful person.

Perhaps I'm afraid of rejection, and most of all....change?

I don't know. It's all a rut to me. I once swore to myself I'd never let a man (I was a man-hating feminist...but that changed. Now I'm a feminist...but I don't hate men. I just suspect them...um..that's all.) touch me or make a fool out of me...it just seemed so unreal to see my mom all broken from that hooligan of a dad of mine, a skirt-chasing, two-timing weasel my mom gave her everything to, only to have her heart and bank balance broken.
Then this guy comes along, and changes things. I might be naive, I've never been wooed by guys nor sweet-talked by one before, you could say perhaps they were scared off by my male-hating passion and decided I was some lesbo dyke or something.
There are a thousand things flitting through my mind, and most of all, is he playing with me? Is it all just sweet-talk? Is this a replay of my mum and my dad, just in a completely new generation?
I can't stand the idea of even giving him an intimate hug if I had to live with these horrible thoughts.

Ugh...maybe I was better off being that man-hating dyke. At least I didn't have to go through all this pain and worry about something that might be the best thing of my life crashing down because of him or worse, because of me..

[Wind In My Hair]

SMS, :idea:

[riversandlakes]

oh, please, guys. if you're going to do telepathy you probably don't need to mess up the forum with ciphertexts

[bellevie]

Missy Mania, i understand how you feel..u feel frustrated because u kept guessing or imagining things, but i bet your partner is also making the same guesses and wondering how you feel. It's a 2-way street..sometimes when i feel down, i ll wonder why isnt everyone born to know who your other half is? So you dont have to spend ages getting hurt or lost before settling down with the one..but then again, life would be so predictable, isnt it? So as much as i m sick of the game sometimes, i ll cheer up and tell myself to look on e brighter side..at least your partner is proving to be a keeper despite all your imaginations and his possible "bad friends" right? So put aside your baggage for a while and appreciate what you have now.

[Wind In My Hair]

oh, please, guys. if you're going to do telepathy you probably don't need to mess up the forum with ciphertexts

riversandlakes... 8)

[YF]

Lets say you are played. Is it the end of the world?? Maybe it does seem like thar at first but you get over it and move on. If you give in to cynycisms (sp?) then you ultimately loose. When Im in a realtionship I try to give it my all. My first relationship I didn't and when she left I was devistated because I had so many regrets. I was cheated on in my last relationship but I ended it swiftly when I found out. I had no remorse whatsoever and it was easy for me to move on. I know that it had nothing to do with me. She is still heart broken and I have moved on completley.

Careful about holding on to tight, it will often find a way to escape. If its going to happen, why delay the inevitable -- being jelous and suspicious isn't going to help and if anything, its only going to hurt because it can drive someone away. Again, tell youself that you are stronger than that -- this is the Nieztchien way (Read Geneology of Morals if anyone is interested). For Nieztche, the strong ones have enough to go around so that if someoen takes advantage of them they are unaffected by it because they are too strong -- "what are you parasite to me?" he might say. If you let everything affect you your a leaf blowing in the wind and not a rock. Its all a mater of perspective.

I think sometimes people take things like sex TOO seriously -- making it out to be this incredible metaphysical and cosmic ideal. Call my a pragmatist or a physicalist, but I think its only a part of a relationship. It is wonderful, but dont oversell it. Animals do it everyday!

-Rob

[s]

Missy Mania,

I understand a bit in terms of the trust issue with men due to your family situation and you can't help but be affected by it. At least you know what you don't want in a man and what you will accept and not accept in a relationship and I admire your virtuous nature. It's good that you want your first time to be with someone special, and not some unkown drunken Tom, Dick or Harry.

If you have already make those terms clear to him, for example, if you cheat on me, I will break up with you etc. Then I don't think there's much you can do. Excessive worrying is not going to help. I think perhaps your suspicious nature is due to the fact that you are still young and not as secure. I would advise you to NOT build your life around him, "live" for him, as many young women do. You need to develop your own hobbies, frens, and who knows, you may change and don't think this guy is right for you anymore.

Good luck.

---------------------

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.

[Strong Eagle]

Love is a rose
but you better not pick it
It only grows when it's on the vine.
A handful of thorns and
you'll know you've missed it
You lose your love
when you say the word "mine".

--Neil Young

[Wind In My Hair]

I think sometimes people take things like sex TOO seriously -- making it out to be this incredible metaphysical and cosmic ideal. Call my a pragmatist or a physicalist, but I think its only a part of a relationship. It is wonderful, but dont oversell it. Animals do it everyday!

-Rob

animals also eat their young!

agreed sex is part of a relationship and an important part at that. still, as sentient beings we have a choice and there is a huge difference between making love and mere copulation. practical issues like STDs etc also have to be considered and therefore sex should be a very careful decision, imho.

[Missy Mania]

Thanks alot guys,

I really appreciate all your help, advice, poems, sometimes, I realise too, that some advice needs to be harsh (for example, asking me to grow up, because maybe I am acting like a big baby! -__-;;).

Its my first relationship, I hadn't even had a casual one because I was living under an extremely protective family and had a maid trailing after me wherever I went as a kid, till just a while ago when the final blow came and my mom divorced my dad...right after he totally ruined her business and career with his horse racing, his skirt-chasing and all that stuff I can't bear to talk about without crying.

I guess perhaps I should, let it grow slowly, try to take it less like a death sentence and really be optimistic about things.. After all...It's not as if I'm already having sex with the guy, or doing any hanky panky - its his loss if he doesn't want a lady who's willing to give herself, her life and everything else to show her love and appreciation for having someone in her life, and prefers casual one night stands with women he'd probably never see again.. (and I hope I'm not just trying really hard to convince this to myself..)

I kinda finally got it.. If I become controlling, and try to live up to my nick - it would further drive him away anyhow, because I'd seem freaky, uncontrollable, unpredictable, and it would destroy any normality in what could have been a good relationship on my part.

Thanks for all the advice....and maybe later you'd be seeing my crazy post about "OMG he went out with this girl!!" or something...I hope you guys won't throw down the towel and mutter "Oh, its Miss Crazy-kill-her-boyfriend again.."

Haha, anyway, really, thanks. I'll try to exercise some of what you guys advice, have a life besides this guy and really just not let paranoia take over me and assume things when something happens.

[Wind In My Hair]

missy, good on you! there will be ups and downs for sure. but you have a good head on your shoulders and with that great attitude, you will have a wonderful life. take care!

[YF]

Missy,

You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. If you are confident in yourself then if someone leaves you you have the strength to say, I deserve better, this is their loss. Try to look at yourself and say, would I be with this girl if I was a guy? If the answer is know then you have some work to do on YOURSELF. Don't waste your energy trying to change or control other people, spend it on making yourself better. As you become better and better you become more irresistable. If they leave or cheat, they will come to realize this but you will have moved on because you know you gave it your all and you were the best that they could do.

BTW, this is very Nieztchien if anywone is interested -- he is not read anough.

-Rob