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Birthday Blues

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Birthday Blues

Postby Sadgal » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 6:27 pm

Do any of you ever get Birthday Blues? I will be 28 in a few days' time and this year, I have absolutely no desire to celebrate. I expected some things about myself by the time I hit this age. Well, at least, I expecred that my life would to be in order. But I feel as if everything is in a huge mess.

I broke up with my last boyfriend 2-3 months ago and have gotten over it since. Now I have no desire to date at all. I'm physically attractive, intelligent and witty and have always had my share of suitors. But after a couple of failed relationships, I ask myself what’s the point of getting into another one? It’s just going to fail again. Sometimes this is because the guy is a total a**hole. Other times, I acknowledge my part in the failure. I’m not a perfect girlfriend, I have my flaws and my insecurities. I can try harder the next time round but I am tired, so tired, of getting my heart broken. I feel as if I have nothing to give of myself anymore. I’m not even making any effort to meet anyone new these days.

I also regret that I don’t have a close circle of friends to go out with regularly. Most of my friends are married or attached. A few even have babies now. Then there are others pursuing high powered careers and often have to put in long hours at work. We do go out sometimes but I don’t get to see them very often. Sometimes loneliness really hits me hard. I refuse to feel sorry for myself however and keep myself occupied with gym, sports, language classes etc. But my heart is not in all these activities. I feel as if I’m drifting from one day to the next without really looking forward to anything.

I would also like to do better in my career. I should have hit junior managerial level last year. But I was unhappy and found a new one. The pay was significantly higher but it wasn’t at the level I wanted. My new employers promised to promote me in 6 months when they confirmed me. Well, they did confirm me. But the promotion has dragged on and on, for more than 4 months due to a conflict with some HR directive from the parent company. I wasn’t the only person who was affected, there are a couple of others in the company who are in the same boat. This conflict is supposedly resolved and we will be promoted next month. But after waiting for it for nearly 5 months, I’m not going to believe the management until the promotion is formally announced. I’m feeling pretty down at the moment because I’m so behind my peers. I refuse to give out my namecard these days because I’m ashamed of myself.

I’m also not happy at work because of other reasons- some of the people I work with are inexperienced and have little idea what they’re supposed to be doing and this often has an impact on me; I am always deluged with work and given little support (the management kindly assigned me interns instead. They were not supposed to do menial work- who’s supposed to do them then??- and I always ended up spending more time training them than getting things done, so I was often a lot worse off than before); and my boss can be really nasty sometimes though in fairness, she’s mostly alright. It’s come to a point where I have trouble waking up for work. I’ve started to look for a new job already and will be happy to leave if I get another offer.

I’m sorry if this is a big whinging session. I try to keep positive most of the time. But I sometimes wonder what is the whole point of it all? I’m not suicidal. But there’s nothing to look forward to. Days pass by quickly and I feel as if I’m just going through the motion all the time. I've begun to wonder- just what is the meaning of life? Why am I even making the effort to drag myself out of bed every morning. And the worst thing is, I don’t know how to snap out of it all and make things better!!! Sigh.

Has anyone ever felt this way? Do such feelings pass once your birthday is over?

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Postby Shilo2010 » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 6:35 pm

I am unable to offer any constructive advice because the issues you bring up are outside my realms of experience.
I would like to say Happy birthday though.
Remember what your celebrating, the good times.
All the good things and love you have and have had in your life.

Best wishes.
I hope something special happens for you today.

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 7:27 pm

Hey first of all happy birthday!

I know how you feel, reminds me of my first job ages ago. Why don't you take a day off and walk in the park or along the beach or whatever makes you feel relaxed. Then look back on your life and recall the times when you were truly happy, and take note of what you were doing then.

When I did that for myself years ago, I realised that I was happiest when I was with my family, and when I was walking alone in a park or near water. Then I sat down and wrote down all the things my next job must have: I must be home by dinnertime to spend time with my family, and I must have enough time to exercise or take walks before dinner. I also wrote what I didn't want to have in any job eg stuck in an office, playing the promotion game etc.

It didn't happen overnight but every job option I had after that, I measured against these criteria and very soon you stop hopping from bad job to bad job. And each job change or life decision you make should also bring you closer to what you want.

You sound like someone I would like to be friends with, maybe cos you remind me of myself, and I'm only a few years older than you. Also I'm trying to organise group dates... cos I'm pretty tired of dating myself but in a group it's more fun and less pressure. If you're interested drop me a PM.

And SMILE girl... God always has a surprise in store for us... you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next year. It could be something more wonderful than you ever imagined possible! So live for that surprise, and live well now so you will deserve it when it comes your way.

Have a wonderful day, or what's left of it. Spoil yourself!



Postby ... » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 7:41 pm

Hey Happy birthday,

even though you might not feel like celebrating it, have you thought of telling your mom thank you for having me this very day, 28 years ago?

I'm sure she'd be very happy. I understand perfectly what you mean. I have just turned 27 and have a bf of 7 years. Things have not been easy and looks like we just dont see the 'end of the tunnel' because we're the same age he had told me a few years back that marriage would not be on his mind till after he's 30.

That coupled with some disatisfaction at work and other personal issues here and there was a recipe for depression.

Well, update us on your post-birthday experience, will ya?


Postby sadgal » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 9:50 pm

Thanks all for your birthday wishes, they sure cheered me up a little :lol:

I guess I'm a little depressed because I expected certain things out of life when I hit 28... but i feel that I'm nowhere near these ideals. But I've also learnt that life seldom turns out the way you want it to and often throws surprises, both good and bad, at you. And when you get lemons, you'll just have to learn how to make lemonade with it ;)

Wind in my hair> Agree totally about the job part- knowing what you want and going for it. I think that applies for men as well ;) Will be happy to make a new friend. Look out for my PM!

...> I know exactly how you feel about marriage. Three quarters of my peers are married by now, including the less attractive ones. My mother started getting anxious for me when I was in my mid 20s, and took to asking my ex boyfriends, so when will you be marrying my daughter? *cringes* I've since learnt not to bring any boyfriend home, until we are ready to announce our upcoming nuptials.

Have you discussed with your boyfriend on this issue yet? I've learnt that all relationships have their own timeline and rushing things will only make things worse. At the same time, meeting the right man at the wrong time also means that he's the wrong man. And the world is unfair- womens' options after 30 will be more limited if the relationship doesn't work out. Maybe a good talk is in order to assess how to proceed?

Shilo> I always try to count my blessings and stay positive. Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't. Anyway thanks for the well wishes :D

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Postby briceloh » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 10:08 pm

Happy Birthday to ya! just remember that, what will be, will be. Takes things a step at a time. enjoy life as it is. take care . :)

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Postby Cat » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 10:10 pm

Happie Birthday!!! hope things will be better for u each day ahead! :wink:

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Postby Plavt » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 10:26 pm

Happy Birthday and hope things cheer up for you soon, remember we all have times of crisis or depression in our lives.

Best Wishes.

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Postby Shilo2010 » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:32 pm

Your welcome hon.


Postby Sadgal » Sun, 07 Aug 2005 9:53 am

Thanks all for your Birthday wishes! :lol:

I got my first birthday gift in advance today, from my mother. It's a small diamond pendant and necklace. Hip hip hooray? Except that the receipt says that it's bought on Valentine's Day this year by-who else- my father. It's another in the long line of unwanted gifts from my father that she's passed to me. (My father never thinks of buying me gifts) You know, I would have been happier if she bought me a silver necklace instead- with her own money.

People, am I expecting too much from my parents? At least, I eventually got something, even if they were never meant for me initially.

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Postby Vodkashot » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 2:27 am

Happy Birthday!
Anyway let's sell your diamonds if you don't like them and spend the money in pub!


Postby Sadgal » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 3:39 pm

Diamonds have little resale value, Vodkashot, unless they're above 0.25 carats. Thanks anyway for your encouragement! :D

I spent some time thinking about this yesterday and have decided that I will clean up all these mess after my birthday tomorrow. Maybe that bout of sadness/introspection hasn't been so bad after all! I don't know if life will get better, but at least I feel more determined about turning it round.

Thanks all for listening!

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Postby Jun » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 4:05 pm

Hi sadgal

should i said happy b'dae or belated happy bdae?

wishing you all the best...

life is full of ups and downs...when you feel down just talks it out...sometimes its help..eventhough the other party can do nothing else except for listening ...


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