Frenchman, Englishman and New Yorker

[English Gent]

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, 'The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.' The Frenchman says, 'I take ze poison.' The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, 'Vive la France!' and drinks it down. The Englishman says, 'A pistol for me, please.' The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, 'God save the queen!' and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, 'Gimme a fork.' The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, 'What are you doing???' The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, 'So much for your canoe, a**hole!'

[English Gent]

A man walks into a bar and notices a huge jar full of money hanging above the cash register. The man asks the bartender, " Whats with all the money?"

The bartender says," Well, we have this bet on. To enter for this bet, you have to pay us £5000 (hence all the money). If you win the bet, you win the money. No-one's won it yet. Care to have a go."

The man thinks, then says yes. He hands over the £5000 and then asks the bartender what the bet is.

The bartender says," First you have to down a bottle of vodka in one, then there's a vicious bulldog outside which needs a tooth pulling. Once you've done that, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who needs 'seeing to'.

The man downs the bottle of vodka in one, then goes outside where the vicious dog is. From inside the pub, they could here shouts of "Ouch!" and "Oh, your a little bastard aren't you?!" The man then comes into the pub and says to the bartender, "Right then, where's the 90 year-old woman who needs a tooth pulling?"

[EG Fan]

A man walks into a bar and notices a huge jar full of money hanging above the cash register. The man asks the bartender, " Whats with all the money?"

The bartender says," Well, we have this bet on. To enter for this bet, you have to pay us £5000 (hence all the money). If you win the bet, you win the money. No-one's won it yet. Care to have a go."

The man thinks, then says yes. He hands over the £5000 and then asks the bartender what the bet is.

The bartender says," First you have to down a bottle of vodka in one, then there's a vicious bulldog outside which needs a tooth pulling. Once you've done that, there's a 90 year-old woman upstairs who needs 'seeing to'.

The man downs the bottle of vodka in one, then goes outside where the vicious dog is. From inside the pub, they could here shouts of "Ouch!" and "Oh, your a little bastard aren't you?!" The man then comes into the pub and says to the bartender, "Right then, where's the 90 year-old woman who needs a tooth pulling?"

Vintage EG