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English Language

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English Gent
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English Language

Postby English Gent » Sat, 30 Jul 2005 6:20 pm

English Language


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
Looking to meet or chat with interesting woman from all over...and eat them.

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riversandlakes
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Postby riversandlakes » Sat, 30 Jul 2005 8:59 pm

English Gent, you think too much? :shock:
Goatboy will always cherish his former goatgirl.
But the world is full of fluffier ones.

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Postby Guest » Sat, 30 Jul 2005 10:07 pm

Well you know how - people unemployed, live of other peoples, stay home whole day, can bluff the outside world with words on the computer, can bluff the family, can bluff anybody, can bluff ownself, so much time on the hands, so the brain also got lot of rubbish!! and very devious thots can come in!!

Cerrutie

Postby Cerrutie » Sun, 31 Jul 2005 7:39 pm

EG, you have not mentioned the vegetable ,' buttersquash', have you??

Which has neither butter nor anything to squash it with :lol:

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Pliagarism

Postby Guest » Mon, 01 Aug 2005 8:38 am

English Gent wrote:English Language


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?


This is for English Gent and others- if you take information from somewhere else and post it here, at least have the courtesy to say it was taken from somewhere else and not let others assume YOU wrote it!!

http://www.ojohaven.com/fun/crazy.html


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sundaymorningstaple
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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 01 Aug 2005 9:26 am

Actually, if you google the first line it turns up over 10,500 pages of other posts of the same joke. Give it a break folks. Seems it's okay when you cut & paste, why not when other do so as well?

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Postby Guest » Mon, 01 Aug 2005 10:04 am

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Actually, if you google the first line it turns up over 10,500 pages of other posts of the same joke. Give it a break folks. Seems it's okay when you cut & paste, why not when other do so as well?


Im saying when it is not your original writing, then say in a footnote that it was taken from the internet or some other source. Its plain courtesy and a matter of showing honesty and integrity.

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Postby sundaymorningstaple » Mon, 01 Aug 2005 10:11 am

Anonymous wrote:
sundaymorningstaple wrote:Actually, if you google the first line it turns up over 10,500 pages of other posts of the same joke. Give it a break folks. Seems it's okay when you cut & paste, why not when other do so as well?


Im saying when it is not your original writing, then say in a footnote that it was taken from the internet or some other source. Its plain courtesy and a matter of showing honesty and integrity.


It's a joke for chrissakes! Do you always look up the author of every joke you have ever read? or posted? Get a life! I really cannot, for the life of me, understand you people who would think that someone would go to all the trouble to create something like that just to post it on a forum. Doesn't make a lot of sense does it.

Phoyeh

Postby Phoyeh » Tue, 02 Aug 2005 9:46 pm

Agree :D :D


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