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What Made You Change? What Was The Final Nail in the Coffin?

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stefania
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Postby stefania » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 5:34 pm

I didn't say it was a fabricated story, Shilo, i just said i do not know if it comes from its actual source and i already stated the reason being, anyone anywhere can post anything. It's alright to be skeptical and my opinion does not matter because everyone is entitled to their own and whether they want to agree with me or not is not important. You, of all people, shouldn't be discouraged from what I say and it's all so easy to be sat in front of a pc and believe everything written on it. I chose to look at the matter from both views, as seen in my previous post. I don't recognize you or your posts yet, i recognize the story of the boy who was ravaged by predators to which i sympathised with previously.

However as you say it is your past and you don't have any issues sharing it, i support you in that because it is absolutely brave and shows how far you've come, best wishes in all you do.

I instead see it as: where you are more open, more sharing of your personal history, i am less trustful of some things i read or see. Again, this could be personal history, you say you're an open book by nature, i could be the opposite in some aspects. I hope i haven't offended you too much, i apologise if i do and hope all is well with you. Take care.

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Shilo2010
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Postby Shilo2010 » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 5:39 pm

I understand Stef, thank you.

stefania
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Postby stefania » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 5:42 pm

I'm glad you do, thank you too.

Carmichael

Postby Carmichael » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 10:44 pm

Shilo2010 wrote:I’m not sure what kind of mind would be able to fabricate something like that Stef.Shilo2010 is me, I am a person. What you just did was question my honesty.
I wrote this for one reason only. I appreciated what the person that opened the thread was trying to do and felt my story could offer someone hope. I really don’t care one way or the other if you want to believe it or not, I do however care that the one person that logs in that it may help is now going to be pre conditioned to disbelief because of your comment. I have no issues sharing my past, I have always been an open book by nature. I have dealt with my demons and think it unlikely I will ever run for congress.
I find it sad, that I am more able to trust than you Stef.
I appreciate the more compassionate comments you made.
Peace


Dear Shilo
I have only just managed to read this thread again not having had access to a computer for a while- it seems that i have missed your post- but i sense it was an important one which u might have edited because of the comments by others.

Would you mind posting it again?

For those who are reading this- i am aware that this message board is a free for all- so we are all allowed to post whatever it is we wish within reason and rights and if we follow rules laid down by the moderators.

I think before we post our replies we must take a moment to understand what is happening.

I look forward to hearing from you Shilo.
regards
CM

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Postby Guest » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:04 pm

Yes Carmichael.
I will re post it although Im not certain how wise that is.

I hope it may be of some help.

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Shilo2010
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Postby Shilo2010 » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:28 pm

The observant amongst you may notice a green left hand drive firebird with T tops behind me on my avitar.

Carmichael

Postby Carmichael » Sat, 06 Aug 2005 11:44 pm

Sigghhhh! I sigh Shilo because i understand completely what you have written here and YES,. . there are many people carrying similar 'burdens' or rather demons who are afraid/ashamed to talk about it.

I hope you wont be offended by this question - have you sougnt therapy?
I will read your post again slowly because i have questions and i will try to register so that i can send you a private message, if that is ok with you.

I know people who have gone through this stuff and say they are 'happy' now and therefore feel they dont need therapy but the hurt and pain is still inside and will emerge in different forms.

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Shilo2010
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Postby Shilo2010 » Sun, 07 Aug 2005 12:02 am

Carmichael, its fine for you to PM me.
Dont concern yourself for me mate.
The legacy I recieved was certain wisdoms.
I am aware of where I am.

One other thing Carmichael.
I have just edited to add this foot note.
I would like you to know I do not seek council or advice.
Please respect that with your correspondence.
I offer this in the hope it may be some small help to others.

Carmichael

Postby Carmichael » Sun, 07 Aug 2005 12:33 am

Shilo2010 wrote:Carmichael, its fine for you to PM me.
Dont concern yourself for me mate.
The legacy I recieved was certain wisdoms.
I am aware of where I am.

One other thing Carmichael.
I have just edited to add this foot note.
I would like you to know I do not seek council or advice.
Please respect that with your correspondence.
I offer this in the hope it may be some small help to others.


Noted, and thank. Would you share what were those "wisdoms" you gained?

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Shilo2010
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Postby Shilo2010 » Sun, 07 Aug 2005 12:41 am

acceptance and the ability to see beauty.
Self awareness.

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Wind In My Hair
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Postby Wind In My Hair » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 2:15 pm

Shilo, I was one of those who visited this thread only after you'd deleted your original post and I wondered what everyone was talking about. I'm really glad you put it back on and I almost cried reading your story.

After the rain comes the rainbow and you are blessed to have met such a wonderful woman in your wife. You also sound like a wonderful person yourself in spite of or maybe because of what you went through. My hats off to both of you.

Shilo

Postby Shilo » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 8:02 pm

Thanks Wind, I mean that, thank you.
I have to be honest, every day I come close to deleting this post.
I have not said so before but this is the first time I had ever put it in print.
Writing it was surprisingly easy, re reading it was a little harder.
I have still only re read it once. I hope if I become weak and do remove it I wont be judged too harshly.In the mean time I am trying to leave it where it is.

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Postby Wind In My Hair » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 8:36 pm

Shilo2010 wrote:This is me and my story
It took longer to live than it did to write.
...
I’m the guy that helps you when your car has broken down. I’m the guy that protects your wife when she needs help and there’s no one around.
...
For those who have never known loneliness, Loneliness is sitting beside a dirt road in the remote outback with no money, no where to go, no one to love or be loved by and no ideas on what to do next. The thing I remember most vivdly from those years is a sound.
It’s the sound of gravel crunching under my boots as I walked the roads.


Dear Shilo, the excerpts above are some of the finest writing I have ever read. And I am a paid freelance writer so I know a little bit about writing, and some of what you wrote was just amazing. Having run away at such a young age I'm guessing that you do not have much formal education and it shows a little in the spelling and grammar (just a little, most of it is fine), but those are minor things. Few people can write as you do, from their heart and about the stuff that life is made of. I wish I myself could write that way, honestly.

I know it's painful to read what you wrote, and if you delete the post I will understand. I'm just glad I had the chance to read it. Thank you for baring your soul to total strangers. You never know what good may come of it. God bless.

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Shilo2010
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Shilo

Postby Shilo2010 » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 8:51 pm

I have sat here looking at my screen for five minutes.
I am at a loss.
I am not sure what to say.

Thank you.

FlowerGirl

Postby FlowerGirl » Mon, 08 Aug 2005 9:31 pm

Dear Shilo
I have just re-read your post and I will probably read it again in a few days. I have been through a similar hell of sorts and I hope you dont mind if i say i envy you- how lucky you are to have found a good woman to be by your side. After all that i have gone through, from childhood till now- I hoped that I would at least be given a break in some part of my life and meet a decent guy but in spite of having brains and looks (but no money or property) I have yet to come across one single man to treat me well.

So for that part- no matter how i have tried to do the right thing, be at the right place, right time etc- it still is some matter of luck or destiny I think.
Or the fact that we all have a purpose on this planet, a part to play and i must say i am getting tired of this role- id like to get off the stage but cant- id like to change my role but seem stuck-

I can hear the gravel under your feet Shilo-Ive been there.

Everybody has a story to tell- and we must tell it- it helps to tell it- but im afraid to tell talk about it here because there are people reading this page who know me or of me and my story and will recognise it..

So come forward and tell your story if you are willing- it may be cathartic and let those of us reading drop our judgement and let our eyes listen for a change.


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