What Made You Change? What Was The Final Nail in the Coffin?

[Carmichael]

When people are in an addictive situation- when they are doing the worst kind of stuff day in day out- either they get little wake up calls and wake up OR if that does not wake them up, they will need a brick on their head!

People can try the gentle approach but if that doesnt happen, then the only way is brick on the head and brain damage! There must be people out there reading this who hit rock bottom in their life? Alcoholics, Drug addicts, Sex addicts, Pathological LIars, etc etc... So tell us, then what made you turn around.. at what point did u start to change OR ask for help?[/color]

The above is part of my post in the Leisure thread. I am posting here now because i really would like others to share here their experiences. I would appreciate genuine replies please, no sarcastic remarks and flames and bricks. We will ALL learn from another and i would really appreciate it if there is anyone out there who overcame a serious addiction or anti social behaviour..
ie Alcoholics, Drug Addicts or Substance Abuse, Sex Addicts, Pathological Lying (yes, this is very serious and can cause a lot of damage)..Compulsive Gamblers, Compulsive Borrowers (this is actually a big one, people who cannot at all save, who spend everything and constantly borrow from others- hopeless at managing money)

What i would like to know is

At Which Point Did you Break?-- what was that one event, situation, thing, feeling, that made u say to yourself- thats it, i have to stop this now?


If it wasnt one thing- was it one person? or more? - Who? What is that person said or did that made u turn around?

Who are the people whom you hurt whilst on this collison course?
How DID they get hurt from your addictions/lies/etc


How hard was it to start that road of recovery?

How hard was it for you to continue that road?

Who was/is your support system? (People/Medication/Spirituality or Religion, etc

How long have you been in recovery?

Any relapses since?


For those reading this and who have NOT been hit by the brick (but think you may soon be ) can you tell us what you think you need to do? If you think you are on a collision course, what damage do you think will take place if you dont change now?

Can you admit here (anonmously of course, that you have a problem?)

[Guest]

Few years ago, before coming to Singapore I broke off from a long term relationship and I got depressed. I ended up getting addicted to pills as it had quick effect of making you happy but the short after effects was it made you depressed more and the longer you take it, the more it plays with your mind.. The worst thing was most of my friends were into it too but I would just take it to another level.

At Which Point Did you Break?-- what was that one event, situation, thing, feeling, that made u say to yourself- thats it, i have to stop this now?

When my self esteem was low and confidence was down. I was about to jump in front of a train.

If it wasnt one thing- was it one person? or more? - Who? What is that person said or did that made u turn around?

I knew within me that I had to change as it was affecting my work, my relationship with my family and most of all myself. There were plenty of times that my mind would just wonder, I'd just be blanked out, you start questioning yourself..etc

Who are the people whom you hurt whilst on this collison course?
How DID they get hurt from your addictions/lies/etc

My parents never knew while I was experiencing this, however, I told them later and they were pretty hurt that I never told them.

How hard was it to start that road of recovery?
How hard was it for you to continue that road?

It was pretty hard as you had to fight devils within yourself and I didnt
want anyone to know from my family. At that time, I was lying to myself. I pretended that I was over my relationship but really the hurt was still there and this is the root cause of it all. Basically, just spent more time with my family.

Who was/is your support system? (People/Medication/Spirituality or Religion, etc
How long have you been in recovery?

Been more than a year now, no I did not have any support system.

Any relapses since?

Everytime I go clubbing I still get the urge of feeling that feeling being on pills but I fight it and block it out.

[whatalark]

don't know where u live but if u can, finding a good support group with a good leader wouldn't hurt

[Carmichael]

Thank you very much Gguest for sharing that with us. I have some thoughts and suggestions which i will write here in length bit later.

I hope others will come forward and share the same way.

[Guest]

Who was/is your support system? (People/Medication/Spirituality or Religion, etc
How long have you been in recovery?

Been more than a year now, no I did not have any support system.

Just to correct on the above. I did have a support system available to me but I chose not to use it as I knew I had to deal with it by myself. Me and my friends made pact that we will stop aswell, so my friends helped me out.

[Me2]

I did not know how to manage money. Everything i earned went into thin air, i spent more than i earned and i borrowed everymonth. I had not budget, no insurance for health, car got repossesed several times, i borrowed from one person to another. This went on for years, all the way from my late teens till late 30s.

One day my siblings and i were talking about my father and how badly he managed money, i said i hope i never become like him. one of my siblings looked at me with disgust and said " You ARE just like him". I was angry and hurt but she was right.. i owed her lots of money like i owed so many people.


At Which Point Did you Break?-- what was that one event, situation, thing, feeling, that made u say to yourself- thats it, i have to stop this now?


........ I guess after my sibling said that i put money every month in an envelope with the names of all the people i owed and saved it and every few months paid back those people.

If it wasnt one thing- was it one person? or more? - Who? What is that person said or did that made u turn around? What my sibling said and what i heard about people saying about me that i was a "free loader"


Who are the people whom you hurt whilst on this collison course?
How DID they get hurt from your addictions/lies/etc.?

... I borrowed, i lied about my borrowing, my friendships were hurt when i didnt pay back, my family was hurt when i didnt pay back the money i owed, and i hurt myself because people stopped respecting me. I would stay in peoples houses rent free saying i was struggling financially and not pay a cent towards anything until they very politely told me they needed the room back. Word got around that i was a free loader, a sponger.. its still didnt hit me.. until my sibling told me those words

How hard was it to start that road of recovery?

I guess i just bucked up or buckled under - i dont know which. Having a job that paid a bit more helped a lot.

How hard was it for you to continue that road?
I was ok for a few years and then it all went downhill and i was back to my old ways. Ive picked myself up and am starting all over.

Who was/is your support system? (People/Medication/Spirituality or Religion, etc.

I recall someone telling me once that whether i earned 3 k or 1 k it was about budgeting and sticking to it. I went into lots of websites on Prosperity and Abundance.. I read and read but didnt always practice everything i read but realise it was a mindset, it was about feeling worthy, etc etc
Recently I went to the Credit Counselling talk because the bank was about to make me bankrupt... i still struggle, i falter, i go overboard with taking cabs when i can take buses...

How long have you been in recovery?
15 years


Any relapses since?
yes, many, see above


Anyone else in my situation? Please share cos its a lonely and scary journey-
here are some sites to look at which might help you.
http://www.prosperityplace.com/

http://www.scienceofgettingrich.net/

http://www.accessabundance.com/

[Jamesy]

sorry i cannot post a long one in reply - i want to but am nervous about the questions. my problem is that i lie. I lie a lot and i lie for no reason. I lie to my wife and i lie to my children. I lie for the sake of lying.. if i had lunch 12 pm i will say i had lunch at 2pm. i just dont like to say the real thing.. as long as it is something nobody can find out i lie but my wife has found out a few times and got angry but i dont know how to stop. Its a habit now, yes it has hurt a lot of people only because they find out i lied and they just want to know why i lied and i cant give a good answer and i get angry, we fight and then one by one people stop being my friends.

i lie about where i go for holidays, about my wealth, i say i have a lot of money and property, that i know a lot of famous people. I think i have a sickness, i dont know how to stop it.

[Shilo2010]

..

[Global Citizen]

Wow Shilo! What a life; it could easily be made into a movie.

Kudos for having the courage to put it all down and for overcoming the negativity.

[Guest]

Shilo,

You have my deepest respect. There's nothing like a good woman to turn your life around. Also helps put your other post into perspective.

sms

[Shilo2010]

Thank you.

[stefania]

I don't know if this is really truly your story (several things online can make people skeptical) but i could cry, my heart aches for the poor boy who was sexually tormented by people whom he should have never been left alone with. And ending off with a picture of the lil boy...truly saddening, sensational....if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

[Shilo2010]

I’m not sure what kind of mind would be able to fabricate something like that Stef.Shilo2010 is me, I am a person. What you just did was question my honesty.
I wrote this for one reason only. I appreciated what the person that opened the thread was trying to do and felt my story could offer someone hope. I really don’t care one way or the other if you want to believe it or not, I do however care that the one person that logs in that it may help is now going to be pre conditioned to disbelief because of your comment. I have no issues sharing my past, I have always been an open book by nature. I have dealt with my demons and think it unlikely I will ever run for congress.
I find it sad, that I am more able to trust than you Stef.
I appreciate the more compassionate comments you made.
Peace

[frangipani]

I just want to say I don't think there is ground not to believe your story but such is the way of life, so much skepticism. We are all skeptical

[Shilo2010]

Whatever.