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Facts About Men- For Ladies in the house...

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Facts About Men- For Ladies in the house...

Postby Alfalfa » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 4:16 pm

Why are you reading this if you're not lady?

25 Things Women Should Know About Men:

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, you should be worried about him.

16. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

17. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

18. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

19. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice, voluntarily.

20. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

21. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget. He didn't lose your number. He didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.

23. Men are self confident because they grow up identifying with super heroes. Women have bad self images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

24. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. With male menopause, you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

25. Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm Good.

dot dot dot
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Postby dot dot dot » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 4:23 pm

How come you know men so well Alfalfa?

Gee, I did go to the Harley Davidson dealer last weekend to check out a bike.

Who knows I might be dating a young girl soon...

Am I reaching my Penopause now? :mrgreen:

Eric

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Re: Facts About Men- For Ladies in the house...

Postby Uh_huh » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 5:17 pm

Alfalfa wrote:Why are you reading this if you're not lady?

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.


Hey I LOVE to cook, and I prefer to do my own killing. I kill plenty of carrots, leafy greens and a watermelon or two......


Alfalfa wrote:5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.



No wonder Darth Vader has such a nice breast place and that wonderful horse breathing.
Of course I'm insane, thats because I'm a freaking genius.
So you and you and you, get out of my mind!

VENI VIDI VICI
VENGENCE IS MINE!!!!

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Postby Alfalfa » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 5:41 pm

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"

"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm Good.

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Re: Facts About Men- For Ladies in the house...

Postby seraphim » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 5:47 pm

Alfalfa wrote:22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.



Ahhh....thank you Alfafa....I know how to get rid of someone. 8)
And the sultans - yeah the sultans
they play creole...Creole, baby

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Postby Alfalfa » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 5:51 pm

you go girl..make sure there are sparks along with the skid marks....lol :twisted:
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm Good.

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Postby seraphim » Fri, 22 Jul 2005 5:57 pm

He'll blaze a trail so bright, you could see it from Mars :twisted:

See, I'm good at being affectionate and soppy. This is easy. :P
And the sultans - yeah the sultans

they play creole...Creole, baby

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Postby samantha » Mon, 25 Jul 2005 10:00 pm

oh man this is one of the best i've seen so far... way to go alfafa!! :o :o :o
I'm so stupid that I surprise myself sometimes...

EG

English Gent

Postby EG » Mon, 25 Jul 2005 10:07 pm

Anyone seen EG?

lovemaker

Re: Facts About Men- For Ladies in the house...

Postby lovemaker » Thu, 28 Jul 2005 4:14 pm

hello seraphima my darling...telling me that you love me will not make me run away nor saying you want to marry me. i will respond most positively i assure you. on the other hand, if you want to have my children, i have to draw a line there...i dont condone pedophilia.

how are you my love....i havent seen you around here for while. where are those spots that you need kissing again :) i have been told i stir things to life!


seraphim wrote:
Alfalfa wrote:22. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you; I want to marry you; I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave so fast, they leave skid marks.



Ahhh....thank you Alfafa....I know how to get rid of someone. 8)

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Postby Alfalfa » Thu, 28 Jul 2005 4:16 pm

Oops...Seraphim..is he for real or your personal troll?

Set him ablaze girl! :P
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm Good.

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Postby sapphire » Thu, 28 Jul 2005 4:21 pm

Now I'm jealous, I never seem to have a dedicated troll. :(
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

sapphire's personal troll

Postby sapphire's personal troll » Thu, 28 Jul 2005 4:24 pm

sapphire wrote:Now I'm jealous, I never seem to have a dedicated troll. :(


Hi honey,

Here I am, you personal troll. Let the good days come, I am all yours, yummie...

the stalking sapphire troll. 8)

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Postby Alfalfa » Thu, 28 Jul 2005 4:27 pm

Now you got one .. have fun with IT... lol
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm Good.

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Postby sapphire » Thu, 28 Jul 2005 4:34 pm

sapphire's personal troll wrote:
sapphire wrote:Now I'm jealous, I never seem to have a dedicated troll. :(


Hi honey,

Here I am, you personal troll. Let the good days come, I am all yours, yummie...

the stalking sapphire troll. 8)


Aww, thats just so sweet. You better be a guy! So, are you yummy or were u referring to me as yummy?
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.


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