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Diary of a Sex Addict

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Diary of a Sex Addict

Postby mad » Wed, 13 Jul 2005 5:32 pm

Interesting article ;)

By Rachel Grumman

Like many women, Rosanne Collins* had her share of one-night stands in graduate school. But instead of outgrowing that risky behavior as she got older, it only escalated as she reached her early 30s. Rosanne started going online and spending hours emailing strangers in Internet chat rooms. "I'd meet people online and engage in sexual intercourse with them at their house," she recalls. "I remember doing that for the first time and thinking, I've got to do this again. Not because it was wonderful, but because it wasn't enough. You're looking for something to make you feel better."

Rosanne thought about sex all the time. In the same way some people daydream about an upcoming vacation, she would spend hours at work thinking about getting home and logging onto her computer ‑- and who she'd meet online. "It's not like a fantasy; for me, it was about the planning and the anticipation," she says. "The sex itself was always bad. There's nothing about it that's satisfying. And yet it's never enough to make you stop. I even remember times when I'd be in the middle of a sexual encounter, and I would be planning the next one in my head. There's such a high that goes along with the pursuit of the next sexual encounter."

Just as alcoholics aren't choosy about what they drink, Rosanne didn't care whether she was attracted to the men she slept with. "It's not about the person," she explains. "You're just looking for something. If you're on the Internet, willing to have sex with someone you've never seen, anything will do. At the same time, you are so disgusted with yourself ‑- you want to physically clean yourself afterward. You can't believe that you'd do this, and yet you start to look for something again."

It was not unusual for Rosanne to sleep with three different men over the course of a weekend. Fortunately, her fear of getting pregnant ‑- which would have forced her to explain her situation to friends and family ‑- kept her vigilant about using condoms, and amazingly she never caught an STD. She kept her compulsion a guarded secret from friends and family because she was so ashamed. Although close friends knew that various men would call Rosanne and that she was always out meeting some guy, she would explain it away by saying it was a friend of a friend. Instead of questioning it, her loved ones chalked up Rosanne's behavior to being an outgoing person and having a large network of friends.

After years of risky rendezvous, Rosanne felt overwhelmingly sad and heartbroken about her all-consuming behavior. At the age of 36, she'd hit rock bottom. But a fortuitous trip to the library would change all that. While walking down an aisle of bookshelves, she spotted a book called Don't Call It Love: Recovery from Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes. Curious, Rosanne flipped through the book and instantly recognized herself in it. She checked out the book and devoured it immediately. "I didn't know how to stop [my sexual behavior], but I knew that I had to," she says. "I realized that if there was one thing I could do to stop this train to hell, it was to get the computer out of my house. So I unplugged the computer, put it in my trunk, drove to a friend's house and said, 'Will you hold onto this for me? Don't ask why ‑- I'll explain later.'"

She found group therapy for women sex addicts, and eventually located a therapist in her hometown who specializes in sex addiction. Through one-on-one therapy, Rosanne realized her cycle of shameful behavior was a reaction to being sexually abused as a child and worked on her confused feelings about intimacy and sex.

With other addictions, you must abstain completely, but sex addicts aren't necessarily expected to give up sex for life. Instead, they have to learn how to have a healthy, normal sex life. To help "rewire" her attitude, Rosanne made a celibacy contract with herself, stipulating that she'd be sex-free for 90 days. "You find out that you don't drop dead if you don't have sex," she says. "You ease yourself back into things. You don't sleep with people the first time they show up at your door. You start getting to know people and learning to be intimate. You have sex because you want to and not because you have to or want to fix something."

When Rosanne ‑- now 43, single and recovered ‑- looks back on her painful past, she still cries because it's so heartbreaking to her. "Even though it seems like a lifetime ago, it doesn't take long for it to feel so real, like it was yesterday," she says. "I will never forget that's where I was and how far I've come."


Postby Guest » Wed, 13 Jul 2005 7:33 pm

sounds like an advert for the book if you ask me.


Postby GuestGuest » Sat, 16 Jul 2005 4:11 pm

not an advert, some crap on MSN: ... -1,00.html

whoever this is who keeps creating SA topics just cut & pasted it


Postby G2005 » Sun, 17 Jul 2005 12:09 am

GuestGuest wrote:not an advert, some crap on MSN: ... -1,00.html

whoever this is who keeps creating SA topics just cut & pasted it

Im very disappointed to have that cut n paste here because it is clear the reader did not understand the article on Emotional Rape.

Its is a VERY serious disease that some men and women have... the inability to have a conscience, the perpetrators have no compunction about leading the other on, or lying to them, giving them the impression that all is well in the relationship whilst planning their 'escape', or sharing their love with others.

I have been told countless stories by women and men (let me stress its more women who suffer this, as they are less likely to fool around), ive seen posts here, read articles in magazines, blogs, heard accounts given by counsellors... its just such a shame. I am a school counsellor and i see already how boys think its cool to lie and cheat on their girlfriends.

What are parents teaching their children?
Fathers, what are you teaching your sons?

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