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CHARACTERISTICS OF SEX AND LOVE ADDICTION

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Fay

CHARACTERISTICS OF SEX AND LOVE ADDICTION

Postby Fay » Fri, 08 Jul 2005 11:55 am

Characteristics of Sex & Love Addiction

Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.

Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.

Fearing emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional liaison at a time.

We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.

We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.

We sexualize stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care, and support.

We use sex and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.

We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.

We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.

We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue, or compulsive sexual activities.

To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.

We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.


Signs of Recovery
We seek to develop a daily relationship with a Higher Power, knowing that we are not alone in our efforts to heal ourselves from our addiction.

We are willing to be vulnerable because the capacity to trust has been restored to us by our faith in a Higher Power.

We surrender, one day at a time, our whole life strategy of, and our obsession with, the pursuit of romantic and sexual intrigue and emotional dependency.

We learn to avoid situations that may put us at risk physically, morally, psychologically or spiritually.

We learn to accept and love ourselves, to take responsibility for our own lives, and to take care of our own needs before involving ourselves with others.

We become willing to ask for help, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and learning to trust and accept others.

We allow ourselves to work through the pain of our low self-esteem and our fears of abandonment and responsibility. We learn to feel comfortable in solitude.

We begin to accept our imperfections and mistakes as part of being human, healing our shame and perfectionism while working on our character defects.

We begin to substitute honesty for self-destructive ways of expressing emotions and feelings.

We become honest in expressing who we are, developing true intimacy in our relationships with ourselves and others.

We learn to value sex as a by-product of sharing, commitment, trust and cooperation in a partnership.

We are restored to sanity, on a daily basis, by participating in the process of recovery.

Fay

Postby Fay » Sat, 09 Jul 2005 6:21 pm

Questions Beginners Ask
excerpted ?1985 S.L.A.A.

What is sobriety?
Sobriety is the return of choice, sanity, and personal dignity which comes from surrender to sex and love addiction, followed by involvement with S.L.A.A.'s Twelve Step Program of recovery. There are no absolutes for sobriety in S.L.A.A. as individual patterns of sex and love addiction vary. However, each SLAA identifies for him/herself major addictive behavior which is personally relevant, and becomes "sober" by abstaining from this behavior on a daily basis.

How can I tell if I am a Sex and Love Addict?
Only you can tell if you are physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually addicted to sex and/or love. Going to several meetings will tell you if you can identify with other sex and love addicts. Obtaining the pamphlet Sex and Love Addiction: 40 Questions for Self-Diagnosis will help you evaluate your sexual activities, romantic behavior, and emotional involvements.

What is acting out?

Acting out is becoming involved (or reinvolved) with addictive "bottom line" behavior. Addictive indulgence is hall marked by loss of control over rate, frequency, or duration of bottom line behavior. This loss of control always leads to negative self destructive consequences which, over time, continue to worsen.

Acting out patterns, and therefore "bottom line" behavior, can differ markedly among individual sex and love addicts. This acting out behavior can run the range from obvious promiscuity involving countless individuals, to solitary acts such as compulsive masturbation, voyeurism, and exhibitionism, to obsessive commitments to fantasy and romantic intrigue.

It may include hyper dependency problems involving one (or many) individuals. Some acting out patterns can involve all of the above, but more often a "bottom line" acting out scenario highlights one or two major areas.

MorningGlory
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Postby MorningGlory » Sun, 17 Jul 2005 2:54 pm

Fay, do you know who are the people here who treat this problem? I think my colleague needs help.. anybody else had this problem? Fay could u pm please?

Guest

Postby Guest » Sun, 17 Jul 2005 10:10 pm

for guys i dunno as for gal, love must grow 1st b4 sexual intercourse.. if there are love, sex is a sweet task for us but without it, we wun get any excited feeling, even thou how gentlly the man are. :oops:

goblock

Postby goblock » Sun, 17 Jul 2005 11:18 pm

Anonymous wrote:for guys i don't know as for girl, love must grow 1st b4 sexual intercourse.. if there are love, sex is a sweet task for us but without it, we wun get any excited feeling, even thou how gentlly the man are. :oops:


sweet child.. er yes.. just make sure the man is not more that 20 years older than you ok? cos there are some men here in their 40s wanting virgins in their teens.. oh im sure u they will 'make' you love them/him and after they 'make' you love them you will melt and swoon in their arms and then u'll be mush and squashed .. then yur heaven will turn to hell... get the drift honey chile?

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whatalark
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SLAA

Postby whatalark » Tue, 19 Jul 2005 10:14 am

MorningGlory wrote:Fay, do you know who are the people here who treat this problem? I think my colleague needs help.. anybody else had this problem? Fay could u pm please?


How about just posting the name of the support group and telling us how to get in touch with them? I know two people who wouldn't mind sitting in on a few sessions.
no trees were hurt in the making of this post but a few electrons were terribly inconvenienced

Fay

Postby Fay » Tue, 19 Jul 2005 1:55 pm

I think IMH (formerly known as Woodbridge) has the support groups...

pls google for it and i will try to get more details as well..
its great that there are people wanting to to do this!!! Excellent - i think even just for the love addiction because it is very prevalent here!!

Guest

Postby Guest » Tue, 19 Jul 2005 5:17 pm

goblock wrote:
Anonymous wrote:for guys i don't know as for girl, love must grow 1st b4 sexual intercourse.. if there are love, sex is a sweet task for us but without it, we wun get any excited feeling, even thou how gentlly the man are. :oops:


sweet child.. er yes.. just make sure the man is not more that 20 years older than you ok? because there are some men here in their 40s wanting virgins in their teens.. oh im sure u they will 'make' you love them/him and after they 'make' you love them you will melt and swoon in their arms and then u'll be mush and squashed .. then yur heaven will turn to hell... get the drift honey chile?


YOUR KIND ADVISE IS ACCEPTABLE.. THANKS ANYWAY


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