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mad
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If I could Only...

Postby mad » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 9:18 pm

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself,

"I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers,

"Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so
he
says,

"Okay," and sinks the putt.

Two holes later he mumbles to himself,

"Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says,

"Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure."

He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another
eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side
and
says,

"Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this
match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly!"

He makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the clubhouse, the stranger
walks alongside and says,

"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know
who I am. I'm the Devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer.

"My name's Father Mat." :P

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Strong Eagle
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Postby Strong Eagle » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 9:43 pm

Joe is teeing off from the Back Tees. On his downswing he realizes that his
wife Mary is teeing up on the Red Tees directly in his way. Unable to stop
his swing he nails it and hits her directly in the temple and kills her
instantly.

A few days later Joe gets a call from the coroner regarding her autopsy.

Coroner: "Joe, your wife seemed to have died from blunt force trauma to
the head. You said you hit a golf ball and hit her in the temple, is that
correct?"

Joe: "Yes sir, that's correct"

Coroner: "Joe, I also found a golf ball wedged up her butt"

Joe: "Was it a Titleist Three?"

Coroner: "Yes, it was"

Joe: "That was my mulligan"


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