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Differing Points of View...

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Fohls
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Differing Points of View...

Postby Fohls » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 2:11 pm

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbours would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND,
I think you have things a little confused.

Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

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Postby sapphire » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 2:32 pm

lol, where do u find all this silly but funny stuff?
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Fohls
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Postby Fohls » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 2:35 pm

I've got a rather large collection of junk emails collected over the last decade so now I've got a captive audience i thought i'd share some of the better ones.

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Postby sapphire » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 2:42 pm

hmm...my junk mail usually consists of unmentionable stuff, instant delete. :shock:
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Fohls
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Postby Fohls » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 2:48 pm

What sites have you been surfing?

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Postby sapphire » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 2:55 pm

i knew that was coming! :roll:
It's not getting any smarter out there. You have to come to terms with stupidity, and make it work for you.

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Postby stefania » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 3:01 pm

I actually remember back in school camp ages ago when a boy got his thing stuck in his zipper. School had to get an ambulance because he fainted or something.

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Fohls
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Postby Fohls » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 3:15 pm

No way. I've just nearly wet myself...

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 3:22 pm

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move





The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


crying tears now, hilarious!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

the one about the thingy between the zipper always make me think of that scene in "Something about Mary"...

more, Fohls!

Eric

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Postby Fohls » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 3:25 pm

That gag is brilliant in that film! All i can say is ouch...

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Postby Uh_huh » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 4:24 pm

Eric from the Netherlands wrote:
the one about the thingy between the zipper always make me think of that scene in "Something about Mary"...

more, Fohls!

Eric


What if, Ben Stiller had forcefully pulled his zipper DOWN then UP, and DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP......

Can you feel his pain yet?

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Fohls
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Postby Fohls » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 4:26 pm

Ow ow ow ow ow ow

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Postby dot dot dot » Thu, 07 Jul 2005 4:34 pm

Uh_huh wrote:
Eric from the Netherlands wrote:
the one about the thingy between the zipper always make me think of that scene in "Something about Mary"...

more, Fohls!

Eric


What if, Ben Stiller had forcefully pulled his zipper DOWN then UP, and DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP and DOWN and UP......

Can you feel his pain yet?


Thanks mate, I fainted for 3 minutes after reading your posting... :mrgreen:

Eric

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That ain't Pain!

Postby English Gent » Fri, 08 Jul 2005 11:04 am


discussion

Re: Differing Points of View...

Postby discussion » Fri, 08 Jul 2005 3:19 pm

Fohls wrote:TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbours would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


TO MY DEAR BOYFRIEND,
I think you have things a little confused.

Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.



I just printed out the stuff and posted on the door to the server room. Now both of my boss and my subordinates are reading it with great interest. I finally found the post enhanced the relationship among colleagues as I can't hear any quarrel now, and it improved working efficiencies too, everybody can concentrate on the same thing. "Who posted this?" here came my director. I told him proudly "I got this from my friend!!" He laughed. Then he said "can you come into my office?" I went, he said in a very low voice: "pls dont post such kind of stuff in my department but give to me directly, ok?" :oops: :lol: :roll: :idea:


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