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Redneck Haiku

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Strong Eagle
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Redneck Haiku

Postby Strong Eagle » Thu, 02 Jun 2005 4:03 pm

Oh brother squirrel,
Your tail, my hair. We are one.
Yet I must eat you.

Bubba got divorced,
but children from the marriage
are still his nephews.

have I killed a man
gentlemen don't discuss this
but I banged your sis

Couch and refrigerator,
afternoon shade,
front porch paradise.

Rusty Paradox
Half Camaro, half Trans-Am
Yet it does not run

In ancient legend
Once lived singing fish much like
Big Mouth Billy Bass

Impassioned lovers
Probing erotic limits
In Hardees drive thru

Jax, Falstaff, Lone Star?
I ponder cooler specials
Ahh, Pearl $1.99

Whirling, spinning, free
S-10 skates playful circles
On parking lot ice

Burning agony
Dale got his rattail stuck in
Hot weenie roller

Mustang decal reads:
Attention! Ass, Grass or Gas
Nobody Rides Free

Tammy excites Wayne
With edible panties at
Conjugal visit

Carl made backyard pool
From old pickup bedliner
Wisht I thought of that

Her ultimatum:
You ain't spendin' my money
On no damn race car

Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps

A painful sadness
Can’t fit big screen TV through
Double-wide’s front door

Unemployment’s out.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability

Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne’s been playing with
Gasoline again

Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we’ll gig some frogs

Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil

Seeking solitude
Carl’s ex-wife Tammy files for
Restraining order

Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost forget
you are my cousin

Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert

Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazzard Marathon
At 9 O’Clock

In Wal-Mart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants ’rassling doll
Mama whups his ass

White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; satellite dish
needs new descrambler

Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino

In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man

Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans
Filling pickup bed

Turkey fryer bought
from cable shopping channel
burns down trailer park.

Bubba's bowling team
holds record for beer consumed
and gutter balls thrown.


Wanda returns to
laundromat after six-pack.
Where are all her clothes?

Bubba's rear bumper,
trailer, and boat can be found
at bottom of lake.

Wedding night fireworks
as Flo's ex-husband threatens
to bring back the kids.

Go to the dentist?
Grandpa went once, and now look.
He has no teeth left.

Betty Lou surprised
to learn you can get pregnant
in church parking lot.

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