Singapore Expats Forum

Feeling empty or fulfilled

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.


Feeling empty or fulfilled

Postby Null » Thu, 02 Jun 2005 7:00 am

A friend told me that she felt empty which is why then she decided to go out to have fun, meeting people, but then she was saying she still felt empty.

I must admit, it must be sad to feel empty or lonely when you're in a crowd, but I guess that just shows that crowd is just not the people you want to spend time with or feel comfortable with.

So am wondering what makes you feel empty or fulfilled?

User avatar
Posts: 598
Joined: Sun, 27 Mar 2005
Location: Where my feet stand...

Postby Kimi » Thu, 02 Jun 2005 9:18 pm

Remember a friend was saying something like he feels he has a hole in his soul and reckons there is nothing to fill the emptiness. Furthermore he said,"It is not career. It is not money. It isn't love either, although for the longest time I thought it was."

I thought the same as well about it might be "the one" or "the soulmate" who would fill in the hole, and I think I haven't disregarded the idea completely even though not as strong as before...

I remembered I actually read in a picture/children's book about a ball or a circle that was not complete as it's missing a piece of its body so it then went on a quest to search for the missing piece. It encountered different shapes of pieces and after finding out it's not the right piece, the ball moved on.

One day it found a piece that would fit the missing part of him. They completed each other and then they travelled together. Only something happened on the way and they didn't complete each other anymore so they went on their separate ways.

The ball became alone again and it again went on its quest.
It later found a smaller ball and they found out that they got along well and so they decided to travel together side by side.

During the quest together, they sort of completed each other, not by substituting what is missing, but by growing together to be a whole ball for both of them.

That was about 3 years ago when I read the book in a bookstore called Yurindo in Yokohama and still find it the best simple yet deep story I ever read...

Just something to ponder I suppose...

Might be a good recommendation for parents out there.


Re: Feeling empty or fulfilled

Postby Guest » Fri, 03 Jun 2005 6:31 am

Null wrote:A friend told me that she felt empty which is why then she decided to go out to have fun, meeting people, but then she was saying she still felt empty.

I must admit, it must be sad to feel empty or lonely when you're in a crowd, but I guess that just shows that crowd is just not the people you want to spend time with or feel comfortable with.

I am a strong believer that the pain of emptyness we all feel is not only normal, but necessary.

There is something missing in our lives. Why is it that we don't have "love" in our lives when we know it exists? Why is it we are hurt by the ones who claim they "love" us? Why do we hurt the people we love?

We don't have to look to far to see that all around us there are examples that we are "off the mark" in our lives, yet no one seems to have the answers.

But there is something strange going on at the same time. If we just turn our head a little to the left and squint our eyes, we can see that there is love all around us. It baffles me.

I have proven to myself time and time again that in EVERY moment I have the choice to say "yes" to being in a state of love and connecting to my immediate environment in a deep and meaningful way. Yet, I find myself on many occasions having my atttention on other things of less importance.

It must be human nature. At least, it is the default mode for humans. We seem to have to struggle to get past it, and it takes great effort. But I am convinced that we do have the possibility to live a life that is not "empty". We spend our lives trying to fill that hole of emptyness with things that are not appropriate. Sex, money, power.... even women (or men if that is your preference).

I do believe that if that hole is filled with what it was designed for, then the lonliness disappears.

And I believe that the filler of the hole is also searching for us. It is all around us, screaming at us, begging us to find it. There is something powerful and wonderful about being alive. Something magical. If only we can learn to re-connect to it. In the meantime, it sits impatiently waiting for us to find it.

That pain and emptiness we all feel is meant to be there. It is the feul to push us to a life of longing for life's gifts. Those who deny its' pain are the ones who are the most lost in life, and I truly feel a sense of loss when speaking to those who say "I never feel lonely or empty". To me, it means they have given up on the search. They have accepted a life of mediocrity and corn flake breakfasts.

Those who feels its' pain the sharpest are the ones who might actually have the strength to stay on the path of searching long enough to find the gold.

Fulfill yourself

Postby Fulfill yourself » Sat, 04 Jun 2005 7:31 am

I think some people get a bit self-indulgent.

Doing something for someone less fortunate is the answer. Random acts of kindness. Donate your time. Volunteering. Community activities. Planting trees. Cleaning up rubbish. Supporting the sick, elderly disabled or needy. Lobby your local government member. Read and educate yourself to be a better person. Do art lessons and create a thing of beauty.

Shyness is an act of conceit. People need to get out there. Get involved. Get motivated. Leave the comfort zone. Live your dream. They have nothing to lose except the shackles of their insecurity.

Other view

Postby Other view » Sat, 04 Jun 2005 7:37 am

I'll go the other route away from spirituality and give you the medical reason.

If someone is always 'down' and feeling empty it can vary from being lonely, or not being able to find meaning in life.

It could also mean your friend is clinically depressed.

Many syptoms of depression include:

Lack of enjoyment in everything,
Suicidal thoughts,
Sleeping iiregularities (can't sleep, sleep too much),
Always tired,
Eating iiregularities,
Weight gain or loss,

If your friend has these syptoms time to go to a doctor. In mild cases of depression you'll just need to have someone to talk to and learn coping strategies like:

learning to think positive,
picking up a hobby, especially a sport

In more serious cases medication is needed. A lot of people forget that mechanisms of mental illnesses are no different from the flu or breaking a leg. But society attaches a stigma to it.
Depression is caused by reduced serotonin levels in the brain. Serotonin described in a simply way is 'the happy hormone', reduced amounts means you will not be happy.

Depression could go away by itself or get worse and spin out of control, because it becomes a vicious cycle. Best to take anti-depressants along with professional advice to break that cycle.

Lastly, let friends and familiy know and tell them what the doctor said. People often don't understand what is going on, so are unable to help. If they understood that depression is a common thing and has biological causes, and not just the person being overly negative, then it will help recovery.

Hope that helps.

User avatar
Posts: 797
Joined: Wed, 25 Aug 2004
Location: Wales, UK

Postby Bubbles » Mon, 06 Jun 2005 2:07 am

Absolutely agree with the last post on this subject.
I also think that in years gone by, our parents' times, that it was generally thought you should 'shut up and put up' with feelings such as these. Today it's all out in the open and we've gone to the other extreme in questioning every single little tiny thought and bad feeling.
I'm not demeaning how bad your friend is feeling it's just that I do think we should sometimes try a little 'tough speaking' to ourselves. And not look for the answers in others, or other activities or aquisitions.
Obviously, if after doing this we still feel very down then medical support should be sought.
There's nothing to be ashamed of in this, it's the same as being ill with the flu in a way. Treatable with care.
You know, it sounds old fashioned, and I'm not, but I do blame the media for this in a way. They keep throwing us impossible images of lifestyles, bodies, money, fame, health. Why doesn't someone start a magazine called 'THE WAY IT REALLY IS'.........?
Then we'd have articles on what it's like to live with being short, or fat, or have rubbish hair, or none, or be poor, or being jealous of others........and how normal folk just try to make the best of it............
I'm fed up with having to be seen to be........'Rich, young, successful, in love, clever, good mum, good daughter, fabulous lover, good cook, fab driver, funny, witty, conversationalist........'....damn, the list is endless.
OF COURSE we feel depressed at that little lot........who can be it all?
OK, rant over. lol.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas.

honey girl

feeling empty...

Postby honey girl » Sun, 12 Jun 2005 9:47 am

Hello friends,
That void you're needing to fill can only be filled by God. Nothing else will satisfy. Just ask God to come into your lives and He will, but you must turn your life over to God. He's the creator so has the right. Check out IBC at 81 King's Road, and fellowship with some people who have found the answer to your questions. Buy youself a good NIV (easy to understand) Bible. It's our rulebook for life and explains why we're on the planet. Start with the book of John. It's so simple. Follow the rulebook and you'll understand. Many don't want to know the truth, so they live in ignorance, and thus...feel empty...have a void. You don't have to live like that. Try reading "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren...that will explain it in simple terms. It's not about you. :)

User avatar
Posts: 99
Joined: Mon, 06 Jun 2005

Feeling empty or fulfilled

Postby whatalark » Mon, 13 Jun 2005 7:14 pm

Do they have support groups here in Singapore for things like this?

There have been times for every thinking person when this kind of thing hits and it is hard to paste on a bright smile and mix with people in full party-mode. I have wondered if there is a "haven" here, of sorts, for people who are of a more contemplative temperament and who don't want to do the party thing all the time. (I guess I've outgrown the bar scene. It just doesn't seem to do for me anymore.)


Postby RDL » Tue, 14 Jun 2005 1:43 pm

I am not buying the god thing, but I will check my athiesm at the door, whatever works for you.

That said, I have done a lof of thinking about these things, as a philosopher, and I have come to the conclusion that modernity has by and large stripped people of their sense of *purpose*. Throughout the history of man (and before that) we lived in small socail communities where the input of an individual has a direct importance on the welfare of the community. Now, so much of that has been stripped away--people try to find purpose with money, relationships, new cars, and houses.

If you don't have purpose in your life, I think you will feel a hole in your soul. I searched and traveled around the world until I found my calling--the only reason I didn't stop was because I didn't know what else to do. Having a sense of purpose is one of THE most important factors to a person well being.

Find your purpose, some find it in god, but to me, thats just a false idol so logically inconsitant I just cant accept it.

User avatar
Posts: 598
Joined: Sun, 27 Mar 2005
Location: Where my feet stand...

Re: Feeling empty or fulfilled

Postby Kimi » Thu, 23 Jun 2005 3:03 am

[quote="Null"]A friend told me that she felt empty which is why then she decided to go out to have fun, meeting people, but then she was saying she still felt empty.

I must admit, it must be sad to feel empty or lonely when you're in a crowd, but I guess that just shows that crowd is just not the people you want to spend time with or feel comfortable with.

I have to admit I definitely know what it feels like...

  • Similar Topics
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests