Singapore Expats Forum

Deal with death

Discuss about the latest news & interesting topics, real life experience or other out of topic discussions with locals & expatriates in Singapore.

User avatar
Kimi
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 598
Joined: Sun, 27 Mar 2005
Location: Where my feet stand...

Deal with death

Postby Kimi » Sat, 21 May 2005 10:48 am

Did you ever have a dear friend/family who died?

I mean...not your grandmother who you didn't see in the last 3 years, or the uncle you don't really care about...

If yes, how did you deal with it?

Heard first-hand that a friend's father passed away and I couldn't really say anything *sigh*. What can you say?
And now I'm worried about him...

Is death something that terrifies you? I must admit I have more terrifying fears than death. However, I do fear not having been able to be near the loved ones in their last moment and how I would be able to cope with the disappointment towards meself about that...

A Chinese saying or proverb is saying that people who are sad about the death of the loved ones are actually expressing their fear about being left alone (in a way...) by the dead person and so it's more of a selfish act.
You reckon?
The saying seems to be based on the idea that considering the suffering one can face in the harsh reality, one should also consider that the dead is freed from the suffering.
Then, how come people can be so unforgiving towards the ones who commit suicide?
I would actually feel sorry how s/he must have been feeling so helpless or to be in pain to do it...
Last edited by Kimi on Sun, 22 May 2005 9:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

Guest

Postby Guest » Sun, 22 May 2005 12:32 am

Kimi, my mother passed away few years ago and I can tell you it is not easy coming to terms with the loss. It has left me totally confused about so many things and I am unable to move forward. Everyday I think of her and I can't make any sense of what's happened.

There is a big void inside me and no matter how I try to fill it, I am sorry to say that it never does and the void goes on and on. This void has become a part of my life.

User avatar
Kimi
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 598
Joined: Sun, 27 Mar 2005
Location: Where my feet stand...

Postby Kimi » Sun, 22 May 2005 10:23 am

My condonlences. I can relate to that cos I only have a single parent since I was little as my father passed away.
Being away from my family for some years left me having this fear not to be able to be near my mum in case something happens *knock on wood*.
And having observed a friend who fell deeper into depression since her father passed away while being abroad added that fear that I would also fall into the same situation and wouldn't have the strength to pull myself out of it.

Heaps would say that we just need to think that death is the only certain thing in life and instead of dwelling into the death, we should cherish our fond memories about the loved one(s)' lifes.

As for the void, the same analogy happened to me as well. One of my best friends whom I know for 7 years since our first meeting in Japan was in depression without us realising and one day he just called me in the middle of the night crying at the end of the phone saying that he just realised he had been cutting his wrist with his pocket knife.
In the end, he realised that he wasn't happy with a part of his life in Japan and decided to go back home where he would be happier and now last time I heard he is quite happy about his current chapter of his life.
Since then, strange as it sounds, I found myself to be attracted (might not be the best word to describe it) to "dark" things such as depression etc.

The female friend who lost her father was and is still in depression to a degree and after a discussion with the male friend who tried to kill himself, we got into a conclusion that we just have to learn to accept whatever comes our way it seems.
She probably needs to accept that depression was and might always be part of her life if she couldn't make herself happier than she is now. Her depression even before her father passed away was caused more of unhappy childhood memories. And I suppose it's always going to be part of her.
I do reckon it might be a component to make her who she is now as well. She is a fighter yet she can be compassionate.

Plus, as a circle of friends who share this dark trait would say, having experienced "pain" in life, would make one to be able to put his/her feet on the earth and not just stuck in the clouds to refuse to see the "rain". Hope that makes sense?

honey girl

death...

Postby honey girl » Sun, 12 Jun 2005 8:30 am

Hello friend,
Death...something we all must face. I'm not afraid because I know I'll live eternally forever after death with God. Try going to IBC at 81 King's Road and get into fellowship with people who're not afraid of death. They'll help you learn the truth about death. I would be afraid, if I didn't know God. The Bible has all the answers. It's our handbook for life and also has the answers about death. Most people don't want to read the handbook...and as a result, fear and confusion, and deception. Start with the book of John. Ask God to show you the truth. Tell Him you're tired of living life for yourself, and want to live it His way instead. The truth will set you free, and as a result...no more fear of death. You may be able to help others, too, once you know the truth. Go for it!
The best move you'll ever make. You can always go back to what you've been doing if this doesn't change your life forever!

User avatar
emiko08
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 342
Joined: Sun, 29 May 2005
Location: Japan
Contact:

Postby emiko08 » Fri, 17 Jun 2005 12:55 am

hi everybody,

if you sit down and think carefully;; everything is planned by God. everything is predestined.

Guest

Postby Guest » Fri, 17 Jun 2005 3:09 am

emiko08 wrote:hi everybody,

if you sit down and think carefully;; everything is planned by God. everything is predestined.

So it may well be, my friend, but it is actually the suffering of how you are going to die, that is the scariest part, and has long as your brain functions, your thoughts and feelings, will be real.

And for all those Bible pushers, yes it is gods will, to look down on you all, and say, did I not worn you not to get married? But you ignored my warnings and married, and therefore are distracted from your duties to god.

I am a believer, I have read the bible and I have suffered much in my life, the bible was a comfort in my time of suffering, one of the best books ever, but that's all it is. and its edited and edited, to suit the times and the occassions.

I mean if you masturbate, you remain dirty for 7 days and 7 nights, Hello! Thats me dirty for eternity. Was it Abraham, that was getting banged by the daughter, while he was pissed on wine, and the Child was sacrificed.

I find it quite amazing, when i discuss the pornagraphic and bisexual nature, of the bible, with those that like to preach, they run a mile, or cannot answer the questions.

Why no sex before marriage? who was the first Chicken or the egg? God or the devil, or is it one person?
I was at my mothers side, when she passed away peacefully like a baby, full of morphine, in fact just enough to send her on her way.

My father on the other hand didn't want to die, he was scared, when I was at his bedside, I really didn't know what i could do, but try to comfort him, it wasn't nice, we come into the world crying and I believe we leave it crying, unless one is hyped up on drugs.

I think it is the not knowing, that is the worst, where are you going, the fact you will not see your children ever again. and how, in what way will he take you. I think some of you preacher people should wake up to reality, and go and see death, and suffering



Guest

Re: death...

Postby Guest » Tue, 21 Jun 2005 6:44 pm

i was an ex-christian and i was disappointed by that religion which gave no real answers about life and DEATH.

Buddhism is THE place to go if you really want to understand life and death. It's what comforted me and brought me through all the pain of losing my loved ones over the years.

Only the TRUTH will bring you joy.


honey girl wrote:Hello friend,
Death...something we all must face. I'm not afraid because I know I'll live eternally forever after death with God. Try going to IBC at 81 King's Road and get into fellowship with people who're not afraid of death. They'll help you learn the truth about death. I would be afraid, if I didn't know God. The Bible has all the answers. It's our handbook for life and also has the answers about death. Most people don't want to read the handbook...and as a result, fear and confusion, and deception. Start with the book of John. Ask God to show you the truth. Tell Him you're tired of living life for yourself, and want to live it His way instead. The truth will set you free, and as a result...no more fear of death. You may be able to help others, too, once you know the truth. Go for it!
The best move you'll ever make. You can always go back to what you've been doing if this doesn't change your life forever!

Guest

Postby Guest » Tue, 21 Jun 2005 6:49 pm

bible pushers are just like MLM sales people .. selling you useless things.

thanks for those examples you gave .. yes, the bible is written by men, edited over and over again to suit their hidden agendas, bringing suffering to lots of people and lots of bloodshed and disharmony throughout the world ...

and you forgot those gays and lesbians who have to face discrimination each day because of those who claim that "god hates faggots"!! :evil:


Anonymous wrote:
emiko08 wrote:hi everybody,

if you sit down and think carefully;; everything is planned by God. everything is predestined.

So it may well be, my friend, but it is actually the suffering of how you are going to die, that is the scariest part, and has long as your brain functions, your thoughts and feelings, will be real.

And for all those Bible pushers, yes it is gods will, to look down on you all, and say, did I not worn you not to get married? But you ignored my warnings and married, and therefore are distracted from your duties to god.

I am a believer, I have read the bible and I have suffered much in my life, the bible was a comfort in my time of suffering, one of the best books ever, but that's all it is. and its edited and edited, to suit the times and the occassions.

I mean if you masturbate, you remain dirty for 7 days and 7 nights, Hello! Thats me dirty for eternity. Was it Abraham, that was getting banged by the daughter, while he was pissed on wine, and the Child was sacrificed.

I find it quite amazing, when i discuss the pornagraphic and bisexual nature, of the bible, with those that like to preach, they run a mile, or cannot answer the questions.

Why no sex before marriage? who was the first Chicken or the egg? God or the devil, or is it one person?

User avatar
Bubbles
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 797
Joined: Wed, 25 Aug 2004
Location: Wales, UK

Postby Bubbles » Tue, 21 Jun 2005 9:15 pm

This poem is lovely, just thought I'd send it to you. My thoughts are with you.



Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

Melinda Sue Pacho
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas.

lotus sutra
Member
Member
Posts: 24
Joined: Sat, 05 Mar 2005

Some people want to expedite the process.....

Postby lotus sutra » Sun, 26 Jun 2005 12:37 am

For some people, [maybe like moi], .....they welcome death.....


Some people want to expedite the process.....

Life is suffering....HELL IS NOW ON EARTH......

User avatar
English Gent
Regular
Regular
Posts: 95
Joined: Wed, 22 Jun 2005
Location: Singapore

Postby English Gent » Sun, 26 Jun 2005 1:19 pm

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Looking to meet or chat with interesting woman from all over...and eat them.

User avatar
Bubbles
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 797
Joined: Wed, 25 Aug 2004
Location: Wales, UK

Postby Bubbles » Sun, 26 Jun 2005 4:44 pm

This is not a reply to the original post, that subject is sad and serious.

This is for 'English Gent' ......from 'Welsh Woman' here....

Sorry, I know to some your reply will sound trite, but what else could you be but British with a reply like that? It did make me smile, and also your add on line at the bottom of the mail.....

'Looking to meet women........and EAT them?

There's lots of things that are bad about the UK and it's peoples but I am so thankful I got the black sense of humour too!!!

Rock on Tommy!!! as they used to say back in the Middle Ages.

(Or Duw, Duw wus!!!....Translation from the Welsh....'Good God Man!!')

lolol.

And before you knock me for being insensitive I was the one who sent the poem as it helped me in a sad time some years ago, so I'm not mocking anything to do with the original subject.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.



Dylan Thomas.

User avatar
English Gent
Regular
Regular
Posts: 95
Joined: Wed, 22 Jun 2005
Location: Singapore

Postby English Gent » Sun, 26 Jun 2005 4:55 pm

DEAR MIRIAN

STIFF UPPER LIP AND ALL THAT DEAR

HARDLY WHAT THE POOR PERSON WHO POSTED WAS LOOKING FOR BUT MENT AS I PICK ME UP RATHER THAN A PUT DOWN AS YOU SAY>
Looking to meet or chat with interesting woman from all over...and eat them.

User avatar
Bubbles
Reporter
Reporter
Posts: 797
Joined: Wed, 25 Aug 2004
Location: Wales, UK

Postby Bubbles » Sun, 26 Jun 2005 5:06 pm

Well, EG, just be grateful you're not back here in the UK today. Misty, cool and quiet as a Sunday churchyard mouse. But hey, I'm off to the pub in two hours to get lunch cooked for me, then a walk down on the beach.....so, though I love Singapore (8 years living there) there are SOME compensations to a lazy Sunday Afternoon in the north of the world.

Also, being able to be outrageous without people falling about and fanning themselves in horror is always a plus I find.

Take care, have a laksa for me...........arrgh, now THAT I do miss.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.



Dylan Thomas.

User avatar
English Gent
Regular
Regular
Posts: 95
Joined: Wed, 22 Jun 2005
Location: Singapore

Postby English Gent » Sun, 26 Jun 2005 5:22 pm

Dear Bubbles,

I have been in the UK for two weeks now my dear. Heading back to Singapore by Tuesday I hope!! Yippppppppppeeeee.

We had a heatwave in London and floods up North ( ah, its good to be back once in a while....reminds me why I left ! lol).

Hugh.
Looking to meet or chat with interesting woman from all over...and eat them.


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “General Discussions”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest