What so-called chemistry

Mary Hatch Bailey · Post by **Mary Hatch Bailey** » Wed, 02 Nov 2005 5:02 pm

Vaucluse wrote:Smell, schmell - it's all in the ankles!

Or when you get weak in the knees...

locallass · Post by **locallass** » Wed, 02 Nov 2005 6:29 pm

Call me a cynic- but love at first sight? Isn't that more like infatuation at first sight?

Vaucluse · Post by **Vaucluse** » Wed, 02 Nov 2005 6:41 pm

Wham wrote:are you sure that she wasn't just trying to get off that little island they call NZ?

. . . and right onto an even smaller island called Singapore?

Wham · Post by **Wham** » Wed, 02 Nov 2005 11:15 pm

Locallass,

OF COURSE looks had something to do with it - that's what got the ball rolling. The next 7 years was spent making sure we were compatable on all those other issues. Nevertheless, last time i checked there was nothing wrong with being attracted to one's mate...

locallass · Post by **locallass** » Wed, 02 Nov 2005 11:47 pm

Okay then, I guess I'm unlucky. I've fallen in "love" a couple of times only to want desperately to get away from that person after a few months.

Wham, I'll be the first to say looks are important. But so is compatibility, which you can't tell from looking or chit-chatting for 2 hours.

Wind In My Hair · Post by **Wind In My Hair** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 12:08 am

sometimes it takes two years, not two hours, to find out you're incompatible!

i know a couple where the guy knew within hours of meeting the girl that he would marry her and today they have two boys and are madly in love... sigh. the stuff of fairytales... i love hearing real life stories like these. so vaucluse, wham and other 'love at first sight' and 'happily ever after' personifications, thanks for giving the rest of us hope!

Kimi · Post by **Kimi** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 12:17 am

Vaucluse wrote:
Wham wrote:are you sure that she wasn't just trying to get off that little island they call NZ?

. . . and right onto an even smaller island called Singapore?

_______________________________________________________________
Which one will it be? US, Indo/OZ or UK?

In your signature... are you thinking to move again then Vaucluse?
Considering Indonesia as well??

locallass · Post by **locallass** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 12:54 am

Wind In My Hair wrote:i know a couple where the guy knew within hours of meeting the girl that he would marry her and today they have two boys and are madly in love...

Now that's scary. Isn't thinking of marriage on the first date the perogative of women?

WIMH, I was just telling Eric over lunch today that what would make me run off from a guy during the first meeting would be any talk of the M word or the future ahead. It's too much too fast. We haven't even gotten to know each other yet, I can't even decide if I want to see this person again and he wants to talk about the future??? The faster a relationship develops, the faster it may crumble because the foundations are not strong enough.

Interestingly love at first sight has worked well for many people nonetheless. Good on them. Now where is my fairy godmother when I need her?

Wind In My Hair · Post by **Wind In My Hair** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 8:13 am

locallass wrote:WIMH, I was just telling Eric over lunch today that what would make me run off from a guy during the first meeting would be any talk of the M word or the future ahead. It's too much too fast. We haven't even gotten to know each other yet, I can't even decide if I want to see this person again and he wants to talk about the future??? The faster a relationship develops, the faster it may crumble because the foundations are not strong enough.

i hear you. i've never doubted love at first sight, just doubt if i'm personally capable of it. my experience has been that the first 6 months of a relationship are usually wonderful. the real test is the year after that. still, perhaps i'm too careful, which explains why i'm still not married, so don't take it from me.

i don't mind if the guy mentioned that he's looking for marriage, at least you know he's not a commitment-phobic sworn bachelor just fooling around. but yes, if he stared into my eyes on the first date and saw our children there, it would certainly freak me out a little. but then again, life has a way of surprising us so don't give up hope locallass!

Plavt · Post by **Plavt** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 8:48 am

Wind In My Hair wrote:sometimes it takes two years, not two hours, to find out you're incompatible!

i know a couple where the guy knew within hours of meeting the girl that he would marry her and today they have two boys and are madly in love... sigh. the stuff of fairytales... i love hearing real life stories like these. so vaucluse, wham and other 'love at first sight' and 'happily ever after' personifications, thanks for giving the rest of us hope!

Seems similar to what was said to me by a policeman; "you can meet a person and know you cannot trust them in half an hour but you can know someone a lifetime and never know you can trust them".

Plavt.

crabathor · Post by **crabathor** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:11 am

Let's say if you get to fancy somebody somehow who has different interests to yours and from different background, so in short has quite little in common, maybe some principles and values which actually not really a small thing, the attraction between the 2 is more of a chemistry thing, I suppose? Can that hold the two together in the long run I wonder...?

dot dot dot · Post by **dot dot dot** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:25 am

Chemistry? Absolutely a reality.

Common interests, of course of importance.

Which one would you 'need' for a marriage / long term relationship? I think that is hard to say. A marriage is not thriving on either one of these, neither on both. Marriage, as sms has first put it so well, it is all about building and shaping the relationship, about 'making it happen' and it is what you make of it.

I rarely see old couples who still hold the passion of their first year or so of their relationship / dating.

However odd it may sound, speaking for myself a marriage is at the end of the day a very complicated mix of commitment, chemistry, understanding, listening, hard work, passion, 'love', failures, successes, grieve, joy etc etc. Or better said: life.

Eric

Vaucluse · Post by **Vaucluse** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:29 am

Kimi wrote:
Vaucluse wrote:
Wham wrote:are you sure that she wasn't just trying to get off that little island they call NZ?

. . . and right onto an even smaller island called Singapore?

_______________________________________________________________
Which one will it be? US, Indo/OZ or UK?
In your signature... are you thinking to move again then Vaucluse?
Considering Indonesia as well??

Ah, no - definitely staying. I'm in a quandary at the moment at three job offers - one from a US company (MA based), the other Indo-Australian (Indian-run) and the last a Brit company.

Can't decide and am vacillating a bit too much - this Friday should be the decider, but for the Indo-Oz and Brit one I have to fight to stay here and not go to OZ or HK . . .

When it rains . . . however, when there is a drought . . .

locallass · Post by **locallass** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:39 am

Wind In My Hair wrote:i don't mind if the guy mentioned that he's looking for marriage, at least you know he's not a commitment-phobic sworn bachelor just fooling around. but yes, if he stared into my eyes on the first date and saw our children there, it would certainly freak me out a little. but then again, life has a way of surprising us so don't give up hope locallass!

WIMH, I know exactly what you mean about commitment phobic sworn bachelors just fooling around. But all I want to find out during the first meeting/date is a general idea what this person is like and whether we have anything in common. And the tone of conversation kept light and humourous. If we have things in common, cool, we'll hang out and see what happens. Maybe we'll stay friends, maybe there could be something more, maybe we'll just stop seeing each other because our lives/careers have taken different directions. Let's wait and see.

Perhaps this is because I've been on nightmarish first dates where I've been quizzed on when I would like to get married, how many children I would like to have, whether I can cook and clean (!!!), and my relationship history, hahahahaha... I just cannot see so far ahead even if my intentions are pure. Maybe I'm the one to turn commitment phobic now?

Or I'm just a cynic when it comes to love at first sight.

But as you said, life has a way of surprising us. So never set anything in stone.

By the way, when will you start joining us for WNDC? Eric promises to invite his Dutch model friend down one day. Surely this is something you're not going to miss?

Wind In My Hair · Post by **Wind In My Hair** » Thu, 03 Nov 2005 10:55 am

locallass wrote:Perhaps this is because I've been on nightmarish first dates... Or I'm just a cynic when it comes to love at first sight.

well i guess that's the purpose of the first date - to be potentially nightmarish! in fact i think that's a good thing. much better than a dream first date and the whole relationship turns nightmarish 6 months later. so a nightmarish first date is a success in terms of time and heartache saved.

i did think about this previously but didn't post. but now that you've brought up cynicism, there is some truth that people like us who don't marry early have a higher risk of turning cynical. i find myself having to consciously guard against that all the time.

locallass wrote:By the way, when will you start joining us for WNDC? Eric promises to invite his Dutch model friend down one day. Surely this is something you're not going to miss?

ha ha, good thing for me pretty boys don't turn me on. my only problem with the wndc is the "WN" part. i'm busy every wednesday night. still, when there's a chance i'd certainly like to meet you and eric and the rest. akan datang!

SINGAPORE EXPATS FORUM
Singapore Expat Forum and Message Board for Expats in Singapore & Expatriates Relocating to Singapore

What so-called chemistry

Who is online