Singapore Expats Forum

Fun Zone Here Guys n Gals !!!!

Chats, Flames, Jokes, Junks. Don't know where to post ? You've just found the right place.
User avatar
pradeepavadhani
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat, 02 Apr 2005

Fun Zone Here Guys n Gals !!!!

Postby pradeepavadhani » Tue, 03 May 2005 5:53 am

Check this out :lol:

A boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told
him they onlysold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent.
The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do. The boy walked into
the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only
half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this he turned around to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal.

Later the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot
of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of it. You think on your feet,and we like that around
here.

Where are you from,son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir." "Oh
really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" asked the manager. The boy
replied, "They're all just prostitutes and hockey players up there."

"My wife is from Minnesota," the manager said. The boy replied, "Really!?
What team did she play for?"

Pradeep

Guest

Postby Guest » Wed, 04 May 2005 10:18 pm

Ha ha ha heheheheheheheh very very funny :!: Moron :lol:

Guest

Postby Guest » Thu, 05 May 2005 12:10 am

Check this out :lol:

A boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told
him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent.
The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do. The boy walked into
the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only
half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this he turned around to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal.

Later the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot
of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of it. You think on your feet,and we like that around
here.

Where are you from,son?" The boy replied, "Mumbai, sir." "Oh
really? Why did you leave Mumbai?" asked the manager. The boy
replied, "They're all just prostitutes and cricket players up there."

"My wife is from Mumbai," the manager said. The boy replied, "Really!?
What team did she play for?"

__________________________________________________________

Pradipsh1t,

If you want to crack ethnic jokes please do them at your own expense, not others. Now it's not that funny is it?

User avatar
Pink
Member
Member
Posts: 29
Joined: Thu, 12 May 2005
Location: Singapore
Contact:

Postby Pink » Tue, 17 May 2005 12:26 pm

haha. thks!

stefania
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 285
Joined: Mon, 09 May 2005
Location: Perth, WA

Postby stefania » Tue, 17 May 2005 3:24 pm

Anonymous wrote:Pradipsh1t,

If you want to crack ethnic jokes please do them at your own expense, not others. Now it's not that funny is it?


IMO, that was uncalled for. You didn't have to take it personally. It was just a joke, nothing specifically directed towards people or women from Minnesota, USA. It isn't an ethnic joke, no racial or religious group was mentioned.

User avatar
sundaymorningstaple
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 34273
Joined: Thu, 11 Nov 2004
Location: Still Fishing!
Contact:

Postby sundaymorningstaple » Tue, 17 May 2005 3:38 pm

stefania wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Pradipsh1t,

If you want to crack ethnic jokes please do them at your own expense, not others. Now it's not that funny is it?


IMO, that was uncalled for. You didn't have to take it personally. It was just a joke, nothing specifically directed towards people or women from Minnesota, USA. It isn't an ethnic joke, no racial or religious group was mentioned.


Stefania,

Not wanting to stir up a firestorm or anything, but as you are a relatively new member of this forum, I would suggest that you do a search of the OP's nick and check out his other posts in general then maybe you will have an idea why the response from several posters has been negative.

sms

stefania
Chatter
Chatter
Posts: 285
Joined: Mon, 09 May 2005
Location: Perth, WA

Postby stefania » Tue, 17 May 2005 4:27 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:Stefania,

Not wanting to stir up a firestorm or anything, but as you are a relatively new member of this forum, I would suggest that you do a search of the OP's nick and check out his other posts in general then maybe you will have an idea why the response from several posters has been negative.

sms


I may be new and the OP may have a bad history but i still find the joke funny. :cry:

User avatar
pradeepavadhani
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat, 02 Apr 2005

Postby pradeepavadhani » Thu, 26 May 2005 1:43 am

Hi All

Firstly I would request everyone who reads this joke should not take it to their heart...I have posted this joke to keep everyone smiling but not to hurt anyones feelings....I apologise if anything wrong but pls excuse me...


GO ON NOW............


A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the
post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and
gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "NOT
THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told
her "If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may
be I will give you a chance."


The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."

The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW......BLUE's
that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don't PURPLELY
disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?


Thankyou."
The Manager fainted.......
Pradeep Avadhani

Guest

Postby Guest » Thu, 26 May 2005 3:54 am

Anonymous wrote:Check this out :lol:

A boy worked in the produce section of the supermarket.
A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told
him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man was persistent.
The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do. The boy walked into
the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only
half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this he turned around to
find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman
wants to buy the other half." The manager okayed the deal.

Later the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot
of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of it. You think on your feet,and we like that around
here.

Where are you from,son?" The boy replied, "Mumbai, sir." "Oh
really? Why did you leave Mumbai?" asked the manager. The boy
replied, "They're all just prostitutes and cricket players up there."

"My wife is from Mumbai," the manager said. The boy replied, "Really!?
What team did she play for?"

__________________________________________________________

Pradipsh1t,

If you want to crack ethnic jokes please do them at your own expense, not others. Now it's not that funny is it?


Now this is what i call childish! if one cannot crack jokes of different races, or Countries for the sake of humour, then it's tuff shit, because I will continue to laugh at myself, along with those that crack the jokes.

Keep up the good work, opportunity knocks! Do you know any good British jokes, what about Tony Blair ha! ha! ha! :D :D :D 8) I'm a Brit myself, and I find Our Tony a cracking joke, I really can't stop laughing, when i see his Mrs on TV, have you seen it, The Blair Witch or something like that. hee! hee!

nikJ

Hilarious

Postby nikJ » Thu, 26 May 2005 9:46 am

pradeepavadhani wrote:Hi All

Firstly I would request everyone who reads this joke should not take it to their heart...I have posted this joke to keep everyone smiling but not to hurt anyones feelings....I apologise if anything wrong but pls excuse me...


GO ON NOW............


A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the
post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colourful attire and
gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "NOT
THIS WOMAN." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu. So he told
her "If you could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may
be I will give you a chance."


The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."

The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said : "I hear the phone
GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW......BLUE's
that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number ...........Don't PURPLELY
disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok?


Thankyou."
The Manager fainted.......


Hilarious Pradeep.

Keep up the good work of posting this good jokes.

Nik

User avatar
pradeepavadhani
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat, 02 Apr 2005

8 simple steps

Postby pradeepavadhani » Wed, 28 Sep 2005 4:35 am

do you feel that you are living someone else's life? Do you want to feel good and positive about yourself and your life? These 8 simple steps will help you to break free of what is causing distress in your life.
Change Your Approach to Life.

What is controlling your life right now?

Are you controlled by your emotions, by your past experiences, or by your thoughts? The way you approach life is the way you will live your life. If you see your life as miserable and a failure, then that is the way you will live your life.

By allowing yourself to grow in resentment and regret each day, you are cheating yourself of a quality life. You were not destined to live a life of uncertainty and emotional distress. Your negative experiences and disappointing past is what keeps you in desperation and frustration. Start to see things as getting better rather than getting worse.

Start each day with a clean slate and with the determination to be at your best. Think about what's possible, not what's implausible. Stop complaining about what isn't right in your life and start to embrace what is good in your life. Don't look back at what you have missed out on and what you have lost; think about all you have to gain. Anticipate the best for your life, be clear on what you want in your life, and then start to create life changing strategies.

It's not easy to change your approach; it takes time and commitment to living a better life. On useful way to change your approach is to not put any expectations on the day and to incorporate a bright attitude in your day.

Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness

No one has the power to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. Not your spouse, significant other, children, parents, therapists, life coach, friends, lover, job, career, business, etc. Your happiness depends on your beliefs and attitudes. You can't change the past or predict the future, so be content with what you have today.

Happiness feeds your spirits and helps you regain your passion for life. It is up to you to make the strides toward your happiness. If you are constantly dealing with difficult people, develop a plan that will help you keep your sanity when dealing with them. By living in sadness and depression, you are giving away your powers and letting someone or something else control you. If you find that your interactions with certain people control your mood, and then make the decision to control whether or not you will be affected by them.

You are in control of your thoughts and emotions. If you are blaming others for your state of unhappiness, ask yourself how are contributing to the problem too? Make a list of 25 things you can be happy about right now. Look over your list whenever you feel yourself giving in to self pity or sadness.

Let People Know How You Want to Be Treated

Don't expect your friends, family and colleague to know what you want. If you have needs that aren't being met, you must clearly communicate what you want. You have to let people know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable to you. Be firm with your boundaries and let people know when they have crossed the line.

Never assume because you wouldn't do something to someone that they wouldn't do it to you. When dealing with strong personalities, let them know in an assertive manner what is not acceptable to you. If you continue to let people disrespect you, then they will just assume that it is acceptable. Be honest with people about how their behavior makes you feel. Don't look for them to change right away, but at least by telling them you are giving the message that you have self-respect.

Stop Putting Up With People and Situations that You Have Outgrown.

What are you still tolerating that no longer works for you? Why are you still putting up with it?

Tolerators can become old reliable friends once we've had them for a while. Although you know that you need to make changes, you avoid doing so because you are so comfortable with the toleration. Getting rid of Tolerators requires you to be honest with yourself about what isn't working in your life and then you have to make the decision whether to change it or live with it. But what will it cost you in the long run?

After some time, this toleration will drain your energy and sap your enthusiasm for life. If you have been desensitizing yourself from what you are allowing in your life, you will deprive yourself of a fulfilling life. Take some time to write down what you are putting up with and create a plan to change it.

Stop Attracting Drama into Your Life

Do bad things seem to always happen to you? Do you attract unstable or difficult people and situations?

Yes, we all face problems in life, but if this is consistent for you, maybe it's time to look at what you are subconsciously attracting to yourself.

If you don't feel right unless there is some crisis or unforeseen circumstance in your life, maybe it's time to shift your focus. You will always have these situations in your life if you are always thinking, worrying or talking about them. Learn to trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it. If you are being pressured or coerced into an uncomfortable situation, stand firm and decline to make any major decisions.

Set Realistic Expectations

If your husband or significant other is not romantic, then don't expect him to do something outrageously romantic on your birthday. If you place unrealistic expectations on people or situations, you set yourself up for disappointment.

Be realistic about what people can and cannot do. Don't expect people to live up to your dreams of what they should be like. Don't expect more than people can deliver. If you have idealized expectations on what your life should be like, you may be dissatisfied in the actual results.

Maintain Your Individuality

Are you giving up so much of yourself that you don't even know your true self anymore?

If you are living someone else's idea life, then you are not living a self actualized life. You cannot make people accept or love you based on who they want you to be. You must be yourself at all times.

What is great about you? What are your strengths, your natural gifts? The things that make you who you are can sometimes conflict with other people's expectations. Building your self awareness and knowing your self worth helps you to avoid the pitfall of losing your individuality. You don't want to look back on your life with regret or resentment because you gave up yourself for someone else. Don't make sacrifices that will compromise your individuality. Do what you love to do, find what you are passionate about and live your life with enthusiasm.

Get Help When You Need It

It's so much easier to live in denial than to admit that you need help. Sometimes life can seem overbearing and repeated setbacks can lead to sadness, anxiety and depression. Depression is a debilitating disease that progresses slowly and grows worse with time.

There is a difference between feeling blue occasionally and not having any energy to do the simple things in life. This is when you need to make the decision to get help. Your situation will not get any better by doing nothing about it. Realize that you have a serious problem and seek help. Don't try to handle it by yourself or make it go away.

Bye

User avatar
pradeepavadhani
Newbie
Newbie
Posts: 19
Joined: Sat, 02 Apr 2005

Misfortune

Postby pradeepavadhani » Wed, 28 Sep 2005 4:37 am

Misfortune


One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of
serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what
happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and
he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at
him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look
terrible.What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today
was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was
running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two
patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell
happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

Bye


  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Return to “Leisure Chat, Jokes, Rubbish”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests