That transient feeling

[malcontent]

I’m now back in Singapore for a visit after my longest absence in 28 years. I have to say it is easy to slip into old routines and feel like I never left, but the thing I find most striking is that despite spending over half of my life in Singapore, that transient feeling never went away. Is it because I always expected to leave someday? Maybe. But I also have started to believe it has to do with apartment living. The first half of my life was always in a proper house (detached home, landed property, whatever you want to call it). After college I lived in one apartment after another, and that continued into Singapore. I guess I associate apartments (or condos) as transitory homes because of that. In fact, I got so tired of changing my address in Singapore that I just used my office address, which had a lot more permanence (I stuck with the same employer for the whole 28 years).

Curious if others have that transient feeling despite staying in Singapore long-term? If yes, what is the reason? If not, what made the difference?

[Strong Eagle]

Yes, transient is a good word, even after 8 years. Without citizenship, no voting or political action. Neighbors who are friendly but never really accept the ang mo's in their midst. And knowing that my right to live in Singapore could be revoked at any time all contributed to the sense of impermanence.

[malcontent]

Maybe another contributing factor is that Singapore is a global hub with many people coming and going… even locals, but especially the large number of expats. I couldn’t count the number of friends I’ve had over the years who have left. Even my dentist (a U.S. trained Japanese) left for Hawaii. When I found a new dentist (U.S. trained ABC), I literally asked if they planned to stay… and fortunately they did.

[jalanjalan]

While I was PR I still had a nagging feeling of "what if they change the rules..?" I was probably overthinking it, but I'm glad to be Singaporean now, cos I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

[malcontent]

I have often thought about how things might have been different had I been approved for PR around 25 years ago. Back then I was well integrated… living in an HDB, taking public transit, picking up Hokkien, eating hawker food daily and just about all of my friends and colleagues were locals (despite working for a large U.S. company), heck, even my investments back then were all local stocks.

Not long after my PR rejection, my career took a turn and I had a 7 month assignment in the U.S. followed by 5 years with a minimum 60% travel (outside Singapore). I also started reporting to American bosses (based in Singapore who also became good friends). After this, it was too late for me to convert to PR because the CPF substitute from my employer had a steeper curve… 10 years was the point of no return — it just wasn’t worth the financial sacrifice for PR.

After getting married and having kids here, the thought of allowing my kids to experience life outside Singapore began to weigh on my mind, as well as getting away from apartment living (or rabbit hutches, as we called them back in my home state).

Probably the final nail was my son who wasn’t able to get into a local primary school near our home (not that he suited the local system even if he was). His enrollment at Singapore American School ended any chance of higher education in Singapore, and there was no longer any incentive for him to take up PR (other than the NS obligation). This was not what we had planned, it just sort of unfolded that way.

Now as I sit in our old apartment that has been cleared out and readied for tenants, I’m still a little in disbelief that we ever moved out. I don’t believe that this is our final chapter in Singapore, but I have no idea what the future holds.

[Addadude]

Prior to coming to Singapore, I live in London for almost 3 years. That felt transient.

For my first 11 - 12 years here, I moved around a lot: from Bishan (1 month); Clemenceau Ave North (a miserable 3 months); Upper East Coast Road (2 years); Boon Keng (1 year); Bayshore Park (2 years - my late parents' favourite of all the places I live in); Flamingo Valley/Siglap (3 years); Bencoolen Street (2 years); condo in Telok Blangah (2 years).

The funny thing was, even with all that moving around, I didn't feel 'transient'. The closest I came was in late 1998 when I thought for a while I would head back to Ireland but I made no real attempt to pack up. I just never really thought far enough ahead to think about moving. And when arriving back in SG afer a trip to Ireland, I always felt I was coming 'home'.

Meeting my wife pretty much settled everything for me. And now I have a red passport so it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere.

But don't get me wrong: I have quite a few local friends but I am very much aware that even now I am an outsider who will never truly 'belong' whatever colour my IC is. But then I've always felt like a bit of an outsider, so it doesn't bother me in any way.

It's a funny thing about this place: if you live here past a certain number of years, it really gets under your skin.

[smoulder]

For me it's quite funny. My wife and I are Singapore citizens as is my little girl.

On the one hand, as red passport holders, we have technically put down roots. However, as naturalised citizens, both my wife and I don't fully "feel" local. And this is especially noteworthy for my wife because she's a former Malaysian, so as near to a Singaporean as culturally possible.

Perhaps it's because of the fact that we didn't grow up here. Perhaps it is also because of no other family here. Our only family who is truly growing up Singaporean is our daughter. Yes, we have local friends, but for us at least, it's not quite the same as blood ties.

So we find ourselves in a funny situation. It may not hit home now but as we grow older, it's probably going to become more prominent. We are not transient and yet we have those feelings similar to being transient. We could always consider moving elsewhere, however we also have to be mindful that our medical policies work best in Singapore. So that will most likely keep us rooted right here.

[jalanjalan]

Perhaps it's because of the fact that we didn't grow up here. Perhaps it is also because of no other family here. Our only family who is truly growing up Singaporean is our daughter. Yes, we have local friends, but for us at least, it's not quite the same as blood ties.

That's probably a big part of it for me too, now I think of it. My Singapore-born-and-raised spouse has a large extended family, many of which live in Singapore or are still somewhat rooted here. As a young couple, we briefly pondered moving to Sarawak for work but decided against it as we had zero family there.

[RobSg]

Up until the time I moved to Singapore in 1988, I led a pretty transient existence- 6 countries and two year contracts in each. I was a teacher. In Singapore I fully expected to stay for 2 years and then move on to another country. I ended up calling Singapore home for 25 years. I even got my PR when I was in my mid-50s, which was unusual, but at the time getting PR was much easier than now. As someone mentioned, as a PR you can’t vote or own a HDB flat unless you’re married, and so I lived in rented condos all that time.

I retired at the age of 60 from a school in Singapore, and decided to venture out to 4 other countries while keeping my condo in Singapore. One of these countries was Vietnam, where I taught for two years in Ho Chi Minh City and flew back to Singapore every weekend. I loved that time.

Finally, at the age of 68, I thought that living in Singapore was difficult with no family ties there. I know that health care is more important the older you get, and frankly, I was not confident that I would get the health care I would need in Singapore, but I really did not look into that. I left in late 2013. Now I no longer have that transient feeling. I have a nice house, great neighbors that I talk to daily, and a trusty Lab to go on hikes with daily. I just do not think I would get that feeling in Singapore. As I get uncomfortably close to 80, I look back on Singapore with absolutely wonderful memories. I pop up to Vancouver a couple times a week to eat at Singapore restaurants, and that fills a need, but am no longer transient.

[sundaymorningstaple]

@RobSg

Hey Rob, nice to see you dropping in again. Sounds like you've settled in pretty good. I hear you on the nearing 80 thing! I'll be hitting 78 in less than two weeks. I'm still here but now both of my kids are married and I now have 4 grandkids between them. Looks like I'm here for the duration.

[the observer]

Always have been, even as PR.

It truly felt like home, only after being a citizen.