So most of us "converts" are supposed to be casteless. In theory. I can't speak for all of us. Maybe there are some who explicitly retain their castes. Or perhaps created a new sub caste of former upper caste Hindus who are now Christian or Muslim.sundaymorningstaple wrote: ↑Sun, 13 Oct 2024 11:44 am@ smoulder
I hear you. My daughter is one of the ones who ''upset the applecart" when she married her husband. He's a pure blood Malayali (but as high caste, they are all Syrian Orthodox Catholics). Both parents are long term PR's (like me at around 30 years each). My Son-in-Law is now an SGC having been 'offered' SGC if he would go to Officer Candidate School. He's a SAF Cpt NS man today, He's also has a BSc/MSc/PhD in Aeronautical Engineering. But the Marriage was a bit of an issue although it resolved itself beautifully. Him being Malayali and my Daughter being a No-Caste half-breed Tamil cause a fair bit of consternation with his parents (father) and dead-set against the union. Took a fair bit of time to get us two old men to break bread and have a talk but eventually we did It. He didn't want to lose his only child and Shanu was determine to marry my daughter. *I now have two grandsons of 4 & 8 years of age from that union. Oh, the father & I now get along famously, and while staying at their Bungalow he introduced me to Kerela Toddy (both green and late in the evening as it reaches it's peak) and that was a good start to us burying the hatchet.
So marriage is ultimately about finding common ground as you are alluding to. The further apart you are the more adjustments you have to make and the harder it is.Wd40 wrote: ↑Sun, 13 Oct 2024 8:47 pmOne of the reasons Indians move back to India before their kids grow up, is so that the kids then spend their teenage years in India and hopefully marry an Indian within the religion even if outside the caste.
The mismatch in cultures is so much that it is just not worth it. I know majority of long timers in this forum are mixed race marriages, but I am sure you guys agree, the amount of adjustments you have to make, in the end after the initial honeymoon phase marriage is mainly about compatibility and having the same culture where roles and expectations are clearly defined, is much more easier life to lead.
The kind of hoops you people have jumped to make the mixed marriage work is really commendable. I am too lazy and my expectations out of life are too low, for that kind of challenge.
Something similar in my own household, only it was me who laid out the conditions. My wife, as noted, was born a Catholic and remains so today at 78. However, when we got married it had to be via JP as the church wouldn't marry us (much to her dismay). I was baptized as a Lutheran, raised as Presbyterian and became an Agnostic at the age of 14 (I was already reading at 2nd year University level). I'm still Agnostic today although I've studied most of the major and a lot of the minor religions around the world after leaving the church (even after arriving in Singapore in 82 (about 25 years of independent study). Anyway, the rules were set out by myself as opposed to my wife to be. "If" we should have any children (technically I couldn't father any) She was welcome to brainwash them religiously any way she chose to up to the age of 14 years (the age I quit the church). After that she had to promise that she would not interfere should they decide to leave the church. (And I would NOT in anyway discuss my beliefs or try to interfere in that regard from the day of their births, but with the proviso that she also could not interfere should they decide to leave). My daughter has kept her faith and/or is semi-changing to her husbands' religion (Syrian Orthodox). My son on the other hand is a walking tattoo from the top of the head down to his feet. Also a rock/Alt musician and a barber but has for all intents and purposes left the church, at least in deed if not in name. Me, I have no opinions on it one way or the other. I'd put my morals up against any religious layman out there and would bet mine are equal to, if not better than, the vast majority.smoulder wrote: ↑Sun, 13 Oct 2024 11:35 pmNow, when my mum and dad got married, my dad on paper was a hindu, but in reality he was an atheist. My mum's condition to him was that the kids should be brought up as catholics which he agreed to. So officially for us - there's no caste. In reality, we roughly know what it "would have been".
Thanks for sharing. I agree that luck is a big factor. I think the key is what you have also mentioned in this paragraph that you are "adjustable" and that mix marriages fail when people are unable to bridge the differences.smoulder wrote: ↑Sun, 13 Oct 2024 11:51 pmSo it really depends. You would think that those of us who are in mixed marriages had to make major adjustments, but I think that most of us are easily adjustable and we managed to find common ground despite different cultures. At least those of us who have been together for long enough. I have heard of mixed marriages that are not so successful and largely it's because they are unable to bridge the cultural differences in my opinion.
Sadly it's far too big both in area and in population and dialects and religions. It's sure as hell not going to happens in our lifetimes nor in our children's lifetimes. (And stay as one homogenous society/country). Only way would be to break it up like was done after WWII and have mass exoduses again.
Eh every marriage takes a lot of work! having a so-called mixed marriage may throw in some unique variables but it still comes down to temperament and family values. My family (4th Gen Canadian of central european extraction) and my spouse's family (Malayalee 4th gen Malayan) are more alike than different because they both value education (both Dads were teachers), and close family bonds. Both have zero connection to the "old countries" of our ancestors, apart from food.
The way it was broken up after WW2 was done cynically and exacerbated the rifts that existed.The negative effects are being felt in the sub continent till today. So breaking it up is hardly the solution at this point in time.sundaymorningstaple wrote: ↑Wed, 23 Oct 2024 10:13 pmSadly it's far too big both in area and in population and dialects and religions. It's sure as hell not going to happens in our lifetimes nor in our children's lifetimes. (And stay as one homogenous society/country). Only way would be to break it up like was done after WWII and have mass exoduses again.
Excellent. Back on topic.raptor_from_vietnam wrote: ↑Sat, 26 Oct 2024 10:34 amSorry to be blunt, but I think OP's husband is the problem here. If my wife has a chance to 3x her income in a country with transparent PR application, I would not stop her from doing so.
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