the “not whiskey” about malaysia

[Lisafuller]

yeah, so an update:

it’s rough when for the first time you and your estranged wife and <2yo toddler get covid-19 and we’re all still in the same household while in the midst of moving into a new apartment.

but thankfully health care is cheap in malaysia. same dollar amount as in sg except it’s in ringgit.

i think i’m in for a rough time with covid. i almost feel my lungs getting expelled through my mouth.

Get some sleep (if at all possible) and keep the fluids coming.

[Lisafuller]

Was the Covid19 you caught the new 'Eris' strain or? I hardly think of Covid19 except I see a small uptick income counties data.

i have no clue what i caught except to call it a bad case of covid.

my blood oxygen levels were really low for a few days. my child and his mom are both ok some days after their initial symptoms but i’ve got some bad after effects going on.

i feel cold all the time and i’m always tired and my blood pressure doesn’t go down.

i’ve still got a bad coughand runny nose. i cant smell much of at all and i cant taste much either.

but i’m still hanging on! i think.

Hope the symptoms subside, and that it isn't long Covid. Some of my girlfriends still have trouble with smelling and tasting, and have never had their stamina fully restored.

[taxico]

i’m going to seek the wisdom of those wiser than me before i reply the earlier messages.

i’m somewhat at a cross road.

my child’s mom wanted a divorce but then changed her mind, somewhat. i wanted a divorce weeks after she brought it up.

actually i want a divorce -yesterday-

but she has strong armed me into agreeing to stay married by using the child. threats of not seeing my child, etc.

she is demanding that we stay married but i live in a separate apartment when i’m not looking after the child.

at the moment i’m doing the job of a full time stay at home dad / house help.

the only things i don’t do are washing up the bathroom (she doesn’t like the lack of control over how the bleach is used) and laundry (i’m unable to fold the clothes up to her standards and i don’t seem to sort out the clothes to her liking).

i’m currently continuing what i’ve been doing the past year - i wake at around 7.30am and sleep at around 2am. i don’t get time off our days off or acting.

she expects that any free time i have i should be cleaning or packing up the house or washing some thing.

she spends time at her work or is pumping breast milk. she also brings him out to play in the early evening and naps/sleeps with him.

everything else is done by me.

she would like me to move out once our child’s weaned (he’s having some issues with food and rejects pretty much everything no matter the taste or texture) and ready to go to pre school.

she often brings up how much she dislikes living with me and that she often wants to stab and kill me while i sleep.

she forced my to verbally agree to giving her full custody of the child when we get divorced. i had much earlier suggested no custody order be made, with care and control her and visitation for me.

this was outright rejected.

she accuses me of s.xually assaulting her in the past. news to me, made me really confused and sad as to when that happened.

she finds me threatening when i am walking or standing behind her, and there are many other things i can’t do or i’ll get a talking to.

any accidental touches of brushing of her skin in the course of raising a little toddler jointly is followed by strong rebukes and threats from her. i now keep a wide berth. i literally cannot even look in her direction without it being misconstrued as something she finds threatening.

i’m really tired. i’m tired of her bringing all these strange shite up and things in the past which didn’t happen the way she said it did (like things we’ve both previously jointly discussed before doing, etc) and pulling the blame of everything on me.

i’m also literally just tired from doing all these things day in and out. she has not agreed to hiring a helper of any sort.

recently i wanted to go back to singapore to visit a cardiologist and inspect the car at vicom and run some other errands, and i was given just 4 hours in singapore.

i usually choose to drive to singapore at night because i can make it back to my apartment from singapore in about 2.5 hours.

(flying takes 4-5 hours depending if it’s klia or subang airport and i hate airport security).

in the end she hassled me into just running her errands. i wanted to see a cardio because since i got covid, something’s wrong with my cardiovascular and/or respiratory system.

even my apple watch tells me so. the app graph coincides with when i got struck with covid.

and i didn’t end up doing anything except inspecting the car and running her errands. i got a call from her berating me about taking too long in singapore and there’s alot she has to do on her own.

separately, what’s worse, i don’t think i’m bonding with my child anymore. if anything, the child seems to know that i know i’ll be not with him eventually and even though i’m with him throughout the most of the day, we seem to be growing distant.

so the child’s mother wants me to continue looking after our child throughout. when he’s at school i’ll have my free time.

she wants to send him to pre school when he’s 3 (which i hope he’ll be eating / not rejecting food by then) and i’ll take him to/fro alice smith school about 45 minutes away from where we live.

if we divorce, she’s again emotionally blackmailed me into verbally agreeing to give her half of everything i have - now AND in future. as well as a fully paid brand new accommodation in singapore.

so my choices are;

do as she says. until the child is 18 or 21 or whatever. or however long it is i/she/we can endure.

i’ll continue to be the helper, driver, nanny and soob i think the chef.

i’m not sure if emotionally and physically and mentally i can take what she’s dishing out.

or, i strong arm my way into a divorce but likely don’t get to see the child often. i’m not sure i want to live in KL because i think i’d like to find some work/purpose to fill my time/mind.

i actually want to go back to the US. she hates it there. i don’t. but it’ll be too far.

right now, i actually would like some time away from her.

but i don’t feel easy about doing that because i don’t want to walk out, and i know for a fact she can’t cope without my help and i don’t think she’s going to be able to parent properly.

as it is, we’re both not parenting properly. we’re just winging it on our own with no kin or aid in KL. i think my child’s feeding problem partly stems from us not knowing what to do.

but getting divorced, statistically, seems to F-up children a lot. i’d hate for that to happen in this case.

so my question is, what should i do? rather, what is the right thing to do? i’m open to hearing suggestions or experiences.

edit: the child’s mom is sick. i know she has post partum mental issues.

i’m not in a good state right now myself, either. so right now her welfare is not an immediate concern of mine.

but i want to do right by my child… and by me.

[taxico]

Hope you have a speedy recovery. My brother said his was rough but didn’t last too long.

BTW, do you have the legacy MM2H? What are your plans after it expires? I think the competition for digital nomads and retirees is heating up. Thailand’s new LTR can be interesting if you apply pre-retirement while still earning over USD80k. Vietnam just extended their eVisa to 3 months instead of 1 month. Indonesia is planning to reopen visa exemptions again, along with some other new nomad options. I believe Malaysia is also going to review the current MM2H nonsense requirements. If you have a DD-214 you can get an uber-cheap SRRV in the PI.

i actually only got my sense of smell back recently. but there’s something wrong with me. my blood pressure is messed up. i’m giddy often. my resting heart rate has changed.

yes, i’m in the mm2h. i’m not sure what to do after it expires. i’ve not thought about it so far.

my child’s mom has started a business here and it’s already commenced operations with employees. once she gets the WRT (?) she’ll be able to apply for work visas for herself if it’s needed (divorce etc).

i understand there’s an elite visa for thailand but i’ve not explored thai visas beyond getting an email from a friend about it.

vietnam visas i believe you can pay for business visas annually - i previously did that. pre covid of course and i think they’re about $500 or $550. i cant recall the currency or price exactly but i paid for it twice when i was thinking of running clinics in saigon.

in the end i never stayed more than 90 days each time in vietnam so it was a waste of money.

i also have the apec card which allows me pretty much unlimited visa runs into most asean countries. after my past experience, i’m no pretty much never living in ph.

i’ve not considered indonesia. not sure why.

[taxico]

Of course, the current federal MM2H is dead as a doornail, though, yes, it does appear Putrajaya is about to ease the requirements back to pre-Covid levels.

i think the visa agent that did my mm2h told me a while back there was a new visa.

“mm2h lite” which requires i think parking 250k (?) with their local bank. i assumed this was around the time when mm2h changed.

[taxico]

Hope the symptoms subside, and that it isn't long Covid. Some of my girlfriends still have trouble with smelling and tasting, and have never had their stamina fully restored.

my stamina is messed up : (

i get winded - fast!

[Max Headroom]

The agent was probably referring to the Sarawak MM2H. They're still on the previous requirements, way more feasible. Ditto Sabah btw.

Either way, the current Putrajaya nose-bleed requirements are going to be reversed back to something similar to the previous version any day now. I reckon you should just aim for that MM2H. That is, if you're going ahead with extending.

Incidentally, since you're on MM2H, you're on some kind of health insurance in Malaysia; why not just pop over to a private clinic there? You'll likely get top-notch service at considerably lower cost than in Singapore.

Your spousal issues, sorry man, I don't know where to start

[taxico]

medical care is cheaper and probably is just as good. i saw a specialist here a few months ago.

there’s a thomson medical hospital about 15 minutes away from my place. sunway specialist center is about 10 minutes away.

but i get to do other things in sg when i head back.

also, the drive is good for my psyche.

but you’re right. i should go to a hospital nearby. i have no time though… : (

[malcontent]

i’m going to seek the wisdom of those wiser than me before i reply the earlier messages.

i’m somewhat at a cross road.

my child’s mom wanted a divorce but then changed her mind, somewhat. i wanted a divorce weeks after she brought it up.

actually i want a divorce -yesterday-

but she has strong armed me into agreeing to stay married by using the child. threats of not seeing my child, etc.

she is demanding that we stay married but i live in a separate apartment when i’m not looking after the child.

at the moment i’m doing the job of a full time stay at home dad / house help.

the only things i don’t do are washing up the bathroom (she doesn’t like the lack of control over how the bleach is used) and laundry (i’m unable to fold the clothes up to her standards and i don’t seem to sort out the clothes to her liking).

i’m currently continuing what i’ve been doing the past year - i wake at around 7.30am and sleep at around 2am. i don’t get time off our days off or acting.

she expects that any free time i have i should be cleaning or packing up the house or washing some thing.

she spends time at her work or is pumping breast milk. she also brings him out to play in the early evening and naps/sleeps with him.

everything else is done by me.

she would like me to move out once our child’s weaned (he’s having some issues with food and rejects pretty much everything no matter the taste or texture) and ready to go to pre school.

she often brings up how much she dislikes living with me and that she often wants to stab and kill me while i sleep.

she forced my to verbally agree to giving her full custody of the child when we get divorced. i had much earlier suggested no custody order be made, with care and control her and visitation for me.

this was outright rejected.

she accuses me of s.xually assaulting her in the past. news to me, made me really confused and sad as to when that happened.

she finds me threatening when i am walking or standing behind her, and there are many other things i can’t do or i’ll get a talking to.

any accidental touches of brushing of her skin in the course of raising a little toddler jointly is followed by strong rebukes and threats from her. i now keep a wide berth. i literally cannot even look in her direction without it being misconstrued as something she finds threatening.

i’m really tired. i’m tired of her bringing all these strange shite up and things in the past which didn’t happen the way she said it did (like things we’ve both previously jointly discussed before doing, etc) and pulling the blame of everything on me.

i’m also literally just tired from doing all these things day in and out. she has not agreed to hiring a helper of any sort.

recently i wanted to go back to singapore to visit a cardiologist and inspect the car at vicom and run some other errands, and i was given just 4 hours in singapore.

i usually choose to drive to singapore at night because i can make it back to my apartment from singapore in about 2.5 hours.

(flying takes 4-5 hours depending if it’s klia or subang airport and i hate airport security).

in the end she hassled me into just running her errands. i wanted to see a cardio because since i got covid, something’s wrong with my cardiovascular and/or respiratory system.

even my apple watch tells me so. the app graph coincides with when i got struck with covid.

and i didn’t end up doing anything except inspecting the car and running her errands. i got a call from her berating me about taking too long in singapore and there’s alot she has to do on her own.

separately, what’s worse, i don’t think i’m bonding with my child anymore. if anything, the child seems to know that i know i’ll be not with him eventually and even though i’m with him throughout the most of the day, we seem to be growing distant.

so the child’s mother wants me to continue looking after our child throughout. when he’s at school i’ll have my free time.

she wants to send him to pre school when he’s 3 (which i hope he’ll be eating / not rejecting food by then) and i’ll take him to/fro alice smith school about 45 minutes away from where we live.

if we divorce, she’s again emotionally blackmailed me into verbally agreeing to give her half of everything i have - now AND in future. as well as a fully paid brand new accommodation in singapore.

so my choices are;

do as she says. until the child is 18 or 21 or whatever. or however long it is i/she/we can endure.

i’ll continue to be the helper, driver, nanny and soob i think the chef.

i’m not sure if emotionally and physically and mentally i can take what she’s dishing out.

or, i strong arm my way into a divorce but likely don’t get to see the child often. i’m not sure i want to live in KL because i think i’d like to find some work/purpose to fill my time/mind.

i actually want to go back to the US. she hates it there. i don’t. but it’ll be too far.

right now, i actually would like some time away from her.

but i don’t feel easy about doing that because i don’t want to walk out, and i know for a fact she can’t cope without my help and i don’t think she’s going to be able to parent properly.

as it is, we’re both not parenting properly. we’re just winging it on our own with no kin or aid in KL. i think my child’s feeding problem partly stems from us not knowing what to do.

but getting divorced, statistically, seems to F-up children a lot. i’d hate for that to happen in this case.

so my question is, what should i do? rather, what is the right thing to do? i’m open to hearing suggestions or experiences.

edit: the child’s mom is sick. i know she has post partum mental issues.

i’m not in a good state right now myself, either. so right now her welfare is not an immediate concern of mine.

but i want to do right by my child… and by me.

Man, I really feel for you and can only imagine what you are going through.

Your wife has turned on you and appears to only want you for the free help you can provide and nothing else. The way she acts toward you goes beyond just falling out of love, she seems to utterly despise you. Believe it or not, that could mean she still has feelings for you — but she convinced herself that you don’t love her, and she won’t let you get close because of the pain it causes her. Even if you were to convince her otherwise, she may be so protective of her own feelings that it won’t make a difference.

Does she happen to be a religious person? That could be an angle… because most religions consider marriage sacred and something you are duty bound to try and make work, no matter how difficult. I think someone else mentioned counseling. Like you said, it’s not just about her and you, the welfare of your child is at stake, and if she has mental issues, that is an important consideration.

I would like to believe that any couple who loved each other enough to get married always have a chance. I think the idea couples have that the escape hatch of divorce is always an option is one of the main reasons people approach their marriage in the way they do and it can become self-perpetuating. I have always thought of the relationship with my spouse the same way as any other immediate relative - it’s permanent, whether I like it or not. I’ve been with my SO for over 3 decades… well over half of our lives. It’s not always a walk in the park, but one thing I don’t accept is ever mentioning the D word, no matter how heated or upset. That’s just not an option… for me.

[PNGMK]

Taxico - divorce is awful. Do anything to get around it. Be patient, kind and supportive. It doesn't matter whether you meet her standards or not because they'll never be good enough so just live with the recriminations and go for a walk when she loses it. She sounds like she may be a little NPD or BPD but I assume she won't go for an assessment.

[Lisafuller]

i’m going to seek the wisdom of those wiser than me before i reply the earlier messages.

i’m somewhat at a cross road.

my child’s mom wanted a divorce but then changed her mind, somewhat. i wanted a divorce weeks after she brought it up.

actually i want a divorce -yesterday-

but she has strong armed me into agreeing to stay married by using the child. threats of not seeing my child, etc.

she is demanding that we stay married but i live in a separate apartment when i’m not looking after the child.

at the moment i’m doing the job of a full time stay at home dad / house help.

the only things i don’t do are washing up the bathroom (she doesn’t like the lack of control over how the bleach is used) and laundry (i’m unable to fold the clothes up to her standards and i don’t seem to sort out the clothes to her liking).

i’m currently continuing what i’ve been doing the past year - i wake at around 7.30am and sleep at around 2am. i don’t get time off our days off or acting.

she expects that any free time i have i should be cleaning or packing up the house or washing some thing.

she spends time at her work or is pumping breast milk. she also brings him out to play in the early evening and naps/sleeps with him.

everything else is done by me.

she would like me to move out once our child’s weaned (he’s having some issues with food and rejects pretty much everything no matter the taste or texture) and ready to go to pre school.

she often brings up how much she dislikes living with me and that she often wants to stab and kill me while i sleep.

she forced my to verbally agree to giving her full custody of the child when we get divorced. i had much earlier suggested no custody order be made, with care and control her and visitation for me.

this was outright rejected.

she accuses me of s.xually assaulting her in the past. news to me, made me really confused and sad as to when that happened.

she finds me threatening when i am walking or standing behind her, and there are many other things i can’t do or i’ll get a talking to.

any accidental touches of brushing of her skin in the course of raising a little toddler jointly is followed by strong rebukes and threats from her. i now keep a wide berth. i literally cannot even look in her direction without it being misconstrued as something she finds threatening.

i’m really tired. i’m tired of her bringing all these strange shite up and things in the past which didn’t happen the way she said it did (like things we’ve both previously jointly discussed before doing, etc) and pulling the blame of everything on me.

i’m also literally just tired from doing all these things day in and out. she has not agreed to hiring a helper of any sort.

recently i wanted to go back to singapore to visit a cardiologist and inspect the car at vicom and run some other errands, and i was given just 4 hours in singapore.

i usually choose to drive to singapore at night because i can make it back to my apartment from singapore in about 2.5 hours.

(flying takes 4-5 hours depending if it’s klia or subang airport and i hate airport security).

in the end she hassled me into just running her errands. i wanted to see a cardio because since i got covid, something’s wrong with my cardiovascular and/or respiratory system.

even my apple watch tells me so. the app graph coincides with when i got struck with covid.

and i didn’t end up doing anything except inspecting the car and running her errands. i got a call from her berating me about taking too long in singapore and there’s alot she has to do on her own.

separately, what’s worse, i don’t think i’m bonding with my child anymore. if anything, the child seems to know that i know i’ll be not with him eventually and even though i’m with him throughout the most of the day, we seem to be growing distant.

so the child’s mother wants me to continue looking after our child throughout. when he’s at school i’ll have my free time.

she wants to send him to pre school when he’s 3 (which i hope he’ll be eating / not rejecting food by then) and i’ll take him to/fro alice smith school about 45 minutes away from where we live.

if we divorce, she’s again emotionally blackmailed me into verbally agreeing to give her half of everything i have - now AND in future. as well as a fully paid brand new accommodation in singapore.

so my choices are;

do as she says. until the child is 18 or 21 or whatever. or however long it is i/she/we can endure.

i’ll continue to be the helper, driver, nanny and soob i think the chef.

i’m not sure if emotionally and physically and mentally i can take what she’s dishing out.

or, i strong arm my way into a divorce but likely don’t get to see the child often. i’m not sure i want to live in KL because i think i’d like to find some work/purpose to fill my time/mind.

i actually want to go back to the US. she hates it there. i don’t. but it’ll be too far.

right now, i actually would like some time away from her.

but i don’t feel easy about doing that because i don’t want to walk out, and i know for a fact she can’t cope without my help and i don’t think she’s going to be able to parent properly.

as it is, we’re both not parenting properly. we’re just winging it on our own with no kin or aid in KL. i think my child’s feeding problem partly stems from us not knowing what to do.

but getting divorced, statistically, seems to F-up children a lot. i’d hate for that to happen in this case.

so my question is, what should i do? rather, what is the right thing to do? i’m open to hearing suggestions or experiences.

edit: the child’s mom is sick. i know she has post partum mental issues.

i’m not in a good state right now myself, either. so right now her welfare is not an immediate concern of mine.

but i want to do right by my child… and by me.

Just a thought taxico, divorce messes kids up but two unhappy parents is far worse for the kid.

[Lisafuller]

Hope you have a speedy recovery. My brother said his was rough but didn’t last too long.

BTW, do you have the legacy MM2H? What are your plans after it expires? I think the competition for digital nomads and retirees is heating up. Thailand’s new LTR can be interesting if you apply pre-retirement while still earning over USD80k. Vietnam just extended their eVisa to 3 months instead of 1 month. Indonesia is planning to reopen visa exemptions again, along with some other new nomad options. I believe Malaysia is also going to review the current MM2H nonsense requirements. If you have a DD-214 you can get an uber-cheap SRRV in the PI.

i actually only got my sense of smell back recently. but there’s something wrong with me. my blood pressure is messed up. i’m giddy often. my resting heart rate has changed.

yes, i’m in the mm2h. i’m not sure what to do after it expires. i’ve not thought about it so far.

my child’s mom has started a business here and it’s already commenced operations with employees. once she gets the WRT (?) she’ll be able to apply for work visas for herself if it’s needed (divorce etc).

i understand there’s an elite visa for thailand but i’ve not explored thai visas beyond getting an email from a friend about it.

vietnam visas i believe you can pay for business visas annually - i previously did that. pre covid of course and i think they’re about $500 or $550. i cant recall the currency or price exactly but i paid for it twice when i was thinking of running clinics in saigon.

in the end i never stayed more than 90 days each time in vietnam so it was a waste of money.

i also have the apec card which allows me pretty much unlimited visa runs into most asean countries. after my past experience, i’m no pretty much never living in ph.

i’ve not considered indonesia. not sure why.

I've always liked Thailand, though it may not be the best choice depending on what your goals are and the nature of your work.

[Lisafuller]

Of course, the current federal MM2H is dead as a doornail, though, yes, it does appear Putrajaya is about to ease the requirements back to pre-Covid levels.

i think the visa agent that did my mm2h told me a while back there was a new visa.

“mm2h lite” which requires i think parking 250k (?) with their local bank. i assumed this was around the time when mm2h changed.

RM or SGD? Big difference.

[Lisafuller]

Hope the symptoms subside, and that it isn't long Covid. Some of my girlfriends still have trouble with smelling and tasting, and have never had their stamina fully restored.

my stamina is messed up : (

i get winded - fast!

That's rough, happened to a couple of my friends. You do bounce back a little, the trouble is just that they're on the older side so their stamina wasn't great to begin with.

[Lisafuller]

medical care is cheaper and probably is just as good. i saw a specialist here a few months ago.

there’s a thomson medical hospital about 15 minutes away from my place. sunway specialist center is about 10 minutes away.

but i get to do other things in sg when i head back.

also, the drive is good for my psyche.

but you’re right. i should go to a hospital nearby. i have no time though… : (

Completely get your point about driving, it's my therapy. The jams and traffic, however, undo all the good of driving.