Thinking of Divorce

[korosensei]

im thinking of divorcing my husband. because i no longer feel love him and the only thing thats keeping me within this relationship is our kid. i give him mo intimacy because i dont feel like it and im so freak tired doing all the household chores given the fact that majority of house bills i shoulder. i feel like me and my baby can live without him, financially i can and by the way my husband is the high paid one between the two of us. he jusy doesnt want to spend money on us because he always tells me that he is saving for our future house. i feel like he is half hearted on focus on this family and he got a lot of regrets in life which i hate so much. i mean when i marry him i told myself that i will commit myself to him but unfortunately he did not feel the same way. we celebrated our first wedding anniversay, he cook then during meal time im just on my phone browsing. ive got no feelings towards him. btw before this cold treatment that i gave him theres something that had happen that resulted to this attitude of mine. during my confinement his mom say a lot of mean things about me and he didnt even stand up for me which really hurts me a lot because im a foreigner here and during that time my parents couldnt come. i felt all along during my confinement and i really cannot forgive him. last time i always nag him about that but now i just stop because theres no point. its just tiring. i consulted a lawyer already and lawyer told me cannot divorce yet because our marriage is less than 3yrs so i guess i still have 2yrs to go. now im saving money preparing for my big day the day that i will divorce him and ask for full custody of my baby. i just want my husband out of my life right now. sorry for the long post

[jwoods1864]

im thinking of divorcing my husband. because i no longer feel love him and the only thing thats keeping me within this relationship is our kid. i give him mo intimacy because i dont feel like it and im so freak tired doing all the household chores given the fact that majority of house bills i shoulder. i feel like me and my baby can live without him, financially i can and by the way my husband is the high paid one between the two of us. he jusy doesnt want to spend money on us because he always tells me that he is saving for our future house. i feel like he is half hearted on focus on this family and he got a lot of regrets in life which i hate so much. i mean when i marry him i told myself that i will commit myself to him but unfortunately he did not feel the same way. we celebrated our first wedding anniversay, he cook then during meal time im just on my phone browsing. ive got no feelings towards him. btw before this cold treatment that i gave him theres something that had happen that resulted to this attitude of mine. during my confinement his mom say a lot of mean things about me and he didnt even stand up for me which really hurts me a lot because im a foreigner here and during that time my parents couldnt come. i felt all along during my confinement and i really cannot forgive him. last time i always nag him about that but now i just stop because theres no point. its just tiring. i consulted a lawyer already and lawyer told me cannot divorce yet because our marriage is less than 3yrs so i guess i still have 2yrs to go. now im saving money preparing for my big day the day that i will divorce him and ask for full custody of my baby. i just want my husband out of my life right now. sorry for the long post

I am not sure that this forum is the most suitable place for this conversation?


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[smoulder]

im thinking of divorcing my husband. because i no longer feel love him and the only thing thats keeping me within this relationship is our kid. i give him mo intimacy because i dont feel like it and im so freak tired doing all the household chores given the fact that majority of house bills i shoulder. i feel like me and my baby can live without him, financially i can and by the way my husband is the high paid one between the two of us. he jusy doesnt want to spend money on us because he always tells me that he is saving for our future house. i feel like he is half hearted on focus on this family and he got a lot of regrets in life which i hate so much. i mean when i marry him i told myself that i will commit myself to him but unfortunately he did not feel the same way. we celebrated our first wedding anniversay, he cook then during meal time im just on my phone browsing. ive got no feelings towards him. btw before this cold treatment that i gave him theres something that had happen that resulted to this attitude of mine. during my confinement his mom say a lot of mean things about me and he didnt even stand up for me which really hurts me a lot because im a foreigner here and during that time my parents couldnt come. i felt all along during my confinement and i really cannot forgive him. last time i always nag him about that but now i just stop because theres no point. its just tiring. i consulted a lawyer already and lawyer told me cannot divorce yet because our marriage is less than 3yrs so i guess i still have 2yrs to go. now im saving money preparing for my big day the day that i will divorce him and ask for full custody of my baby. i just want my husband out of my life right now. sorry for the long post

I am not sure that this forum is the most suitable place for this conversation?


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Maybe she just wants to vent. Can't see a question asked, so I'm betting that she's not really asking for advice.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Anyway she's probably got nobody else to talk to, if I'm reading the context correctly. Being a foreigner and all. And she has been on this board for 3 years as an active participant so we are actually a listening ear. Sometimes that can make all the difference in the world.

[jwoods1864]

Fair enough. A good vent is quite cathartic!


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[mozarella99]

OP,
Read your thread and felt the need to respond. I know you are going through a tough time. And from your message I gather that your confinement period was particularly hard on you. It gets much harder when in-laws and others get involved too.

It is not uncommon for communication breakdowns between couples after childbirth. Your mind, rightly so, is focussed on the child's priorities. And from what you mentioned - your spouse seems to be saving up for a home.

I've been through a similar rough initial years when the birth of our child really tested our marriage. After months of counselling. We slowly pieces together things. Communication is key. And both of you will need to work at it. It never gets back to the way things were before you had the child.

But, you realise that both of you aren't innately bad/I'll intentioned. It's just that your communication has broked down completely. And once you add in external voices (family, friends, advice of random "well wishers"). That makes it all the more complicated. Especially when you consider that you might also have had post partum stress.

Please give yourself the time to heal and if you have it in you - take the time to try and build up a communication stream with your spouse.

Biggest key pointer/takeaway here: divorce his mom. Mother in laws are the root of all issues (mostly). Draw your boundaries and enforce them. If your husband finds that challenging - he'll either come to the negotiating table or choose to live out his days with his mommy.

FYI : I'm still figuring out how to deal with my own mother in law. She's a nightmare, but hey she's the grandmother to our child. So draw the boundaries and ensure she gets the message loud and clear.

[jalanjalan]

That's a tough situation. If you haven't already, you might want to talk to a counsellor. There are private ones, or ones like below:

https://www.gov.sg/article/call-these-h ... al-support
https://www.aware.org.sg/womens-care-ce ... unselling/

[malcontent]

There are a lot of good books out there that can really help… many available to borrow for free from NLB, including ebooks. I can’t recall which book I read it in, but there is something called the four horsemen, which is quite useful when facing a potential marital apocalypse.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

[Lisafuller]

im thinking of divorcing my husband. because i no longer feel love him and the only thing thats keeping me within this relationship is our kid. i give him mo intimacy because i dont feel like it and im so freak tired doing all the household chores given the fact that majority of house bills i shoulder. i feel like me and my baby can live without him, financially i can and by the way my husband is the high paid one between the two of us. he jusy doesnt want to spend money on us because he always tells me that he is saving for our future house. i feel like he is half hearted on focus on this family and he got a lot of regrets in life which i hate so much. i mean when i marry him i told myself that i will commit myself to him but unfortunately he did not feel the same way. we celebrated our first wedding anniversay, he cook then during meal time im just on my phone browsing. ive got no feelings towards him. btw before this cold treatment that i gave him theres something that had happen that resulted to this attitude of mine. during my confinement his mom say a lot of mean things about me and he didnt even stand up for me which really hurts me a lot because im a foreigner here and during that time my parents couldnt come. i felt all along during my confinement and i really cannot forgive him. last time i always nag him about that but now i just stop because theres no point. its just tiring. i consulted a lawyer already and lawyer told me cannot divorce yet because our marriage is less than 3yrs so i guess i still have 2yrs to go. now im saving money preparing for my big day the day that i will divorce him and ask for full custody of my baby. i just want my husband out of my life right now. sorry for the long post

I am not sure that this forum is the most suitable place for this conversation?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Many of us have become friendly with each other in the time we've been here.

[Lisafuller]

im thinking of divorcing my husband. because i no longer feel love him and the only thing thats keeping me within this relationship is our kid. i give him mo intimacy because i dont feel like it and im so freak tired doing all the household chores given the fact that majority of house bills i shoulder. i feel like me and my baby can live without him, financially i can and by the way my husband is the high paid one between the two of us. he jusy doesnt want to spend money on us because he always tells me that he is saving for our future house. i feel like he is half hearted on focus on this family and he got a lot of regrets in life which i hate so much. i mean when i marry him i told myself that i will commit myself to him but unfortunately he did not feel the same way. we celebrated our first wedding anniversay, he cook then during meal time im just on my phone browsing. ive got no feelings towards him. btw before this cold treatment that i gave him theres something that had happen that resulted to this attitude of mine. during my confinement his mom say a lot of mean things about me and he didnt even stand up for me which really hurts me a lot because im a foreigner here and during that time my parents couldnt come. i felt all along during my confinement and i really cannot forgive him. last time i always nag him about that but now i just stop because theres no point. its just tiring. i consulted a lawyer already and lawyer told me cannot divorce yet because our marriage is less than 3yrs so i guess i still have 2yrs to go. now im saving money preparing for my big day the day that i will divorce him and ask for full custody of my baby. i just want my husband out of my life right now. sorry for the long post

Is there any possibility at all (in your mind) that you might ever feel differently?

[Lisafuller]

OP,
Read your thread and felt the need to respond. I know you are going through a tough time. And from your message I gather that your confinement period was particularly hard on you. It gets much harder when in-laws and others get involved too.

It is not uncommon for communication breakdowns between couples after childbirth. Your mind, rightly so, is focussed on the child's priorities. And from what you mentioned - your spouse seems to be saving up for a home.

I've been through a similar rough initial years when the birth of our child really tested our marriage. After months of counselling. We slowly pieces together things. Communication is key. And both of you will need to work at it. It never gets back to the way things were before you had the child.

But, you realise that both of you aren't innately bad/I'll intentioned. It's just that your communication has broked down completely. And once you add in external voices (family, friends, advice of random "well wishers"). That makes it all the more complicated. Especially when you consider that you might also have had post partum stress.

Please give yourself the time to heal and if you have it in you - take the time to try and build up a communication stream with your spouse.

Biggest key pointer/takeaway here: divorce his mom. Mother in laws are the root of all issues (mostly). Draw your boundaries and enforce them. If your husband finds that challenging - he'll either come to the negotiating table or choose to live out his days with his mommy.

FYI : I'm still figuring out how to deal with my own mother in law. She's a nightmare, but hey she's the grandmother to our child. So draw the boundaries and ensure she gets the message loud and clear.

Went through something similar, I was so emotional after I had my daughter, I got so worked up and stressed that divorce did cross my mind. I think this is common for new moms.

[Lisafuller]

That's a tough situation. If you haven't already, you might want to talk to a counsellor. There are private ones, or ones like below:

https://www.gov.sg/article/call-these-h ... al-support
https://www.aware.org.sg/womens-care-ce ... unselling/

Can also try couples counseling if OP wants to make a last effort at reconciliation.

[Lisafuller]

There are a lot of good books out there that can really help… many available to borrow for free from NLB, including ebooks. I can’t recall which book I read it in, but there is something called the four horsemen, which is quite useful when facing a potential marital apocalypse.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

Yes this is a good read, it's how I learned about stonewalling. Had no idea it had a name before then.

[PNGMK]

There are a lot of good books out there that can really help… many available to borrow for free from NLB, including ebooks. I can’t recall which book I read it in, but there is something called the four horsemen, which is quite useful when facing a potential marital apocalypse.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

Yes this is a good read, it's how I learned about stonewalling. Had no idea it had a name before then.

Contempt was what destroyed my first marriage. It's almost impossible to reverse.

[Lisafuller]

There are a lot of good books out there that can really help… many available to borrow for free from NLB, including ebooks. I can’t recall which book I read it in, but there is something called the four horsemen, which is quite useful when facing a potential marital apocalypse.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

Yes this is a good read, it's how I learned about stonewalling. Had no idea it had a name before then.

Contempt was what destroyed my first marriage. It's almost impossible to reverse.

If you had a chance to have a do over, what you do anything differently?