malcontent wrote: ↑Tue, 02 May 2023 12:54 am
My daughter started out at SMPS which is not prestigious at all - only slightly above average. We never pushed her, she always did decently well and was always self-motivated.
When she finished primary, I wanted her to continue at SMSS which is a stones throw from our home. She wanted nothing to do with it. Her classmates who scored above 250 on PSLE like her were all going to better schools and all gunning for IP. TBH, my wife and I didn’t even know what IP was at the time, or whether it was something she should pursue.
I know there is this belief that parents play such a big role in all this, but we have been trying to get her to ease up, and study less! Our daughter picked the secondary school she wanted on her own without any influence from us. Her first and second choice was the same school, but first choice IP and second choice non-IP. She got non-IP and then appealed to the school to get IP (she was right at the COP) and she managed to get it after an interview. Now she tells me she kind of regrets it because she could have gotten into Raffles had she not been in IP. I keep telling her, it doesn’t matter, but does she listen? Absolutely not. It’s peer pressure… and the system promotes it.
Some of what you say is true, but with all due respect, I don't think you understand what is trying to be conveyed here. Let's speak in generic terms to try and make things more neutral.
How can we expect a child to study less or select a less prestigious school when all the parents can broadcast is how schools are not equal (and some have better teachers, better resources, better experience, etc)? Or even worse, some schools are described as not even worth registering for (certain residency status no longer useful) or it is implied that they are "not good?" The kid is going to do everything in his/her ability to try and get into what the parents describe in glowing terms and work like heck to avoid what they described as undesirable. It's an exercise in futility to ask the child to do X every now and then when the opposite of X is espoused (even if indirectly) nearly every other day.
And yes, parents do play a massive part here because they need to combat some of the thoughts that perpetuate through society (I'm not saying they doesn't exist or that the system is perfect) instead of forcing the kid to join the rat race just like everyone else (tuition, tuition, and more tuition anyone?). Everyone wants to blame the system or blame others. No one wants to look at their own attitudes and actions to see if they could have done something different to at least alleviate some of the less desirable aspects or better yet, go down another path. And even then, it is hard, but some succeed.
Just remember, no matter where one’s kid goes to school it is likely he/she a) did better/is more prepared than some kids in more famous schools with more blah blah blah and b) was also surpassed by someone that had less. This is true at PSLE, Os, As, Uni admissions, jobs, etc and not only in Singapore but everywhere else on the planet. Still, all we ever here people say is this school so great, others no good, and then we wonder why parents feel stress or the kids want to dump excessive amounts of time and effort into schooling (i.e. grades).
Anyways, best of luck and regards.
Still I wouldn't try to cure a gambler with pot.
