Stupid news articles

[Lisafuller]

People will be as happy or unhappy as they want to be anywhere. There may be some societal differences but the individual's behaviour trumps all.

Many people here seem caught in the societal status races (they just don't know it), and that's probably why they feel stress or think the society is competitive. No matter how much you make or have, there will always be people with more or performing better. Unfortunately, this need for show has often been transferred to the child, and that is why the child feels stress or the endless need/want to perform (and then the parent feels it too). It's not the parents' explicit statements, but the repeated implicit signals the child receives as to what the parents find important (compare schools, boast about schools, etc).

Just remember, cut what you have in half and there are still probably people at that level getting by and being happy (I'd bet even well less than half for some of the people here).

Exactly. Comparing oneself to others is a recipe for stress and unhappiness.

This is absolutely true, but it’s also ingrained here starting with school.

I still recall when my daughter got her PSLE results… I was thinking we would be able to simply get her results online and that would be that. No, no… the only way to get her PSLE results was in-person where they brought the entire class together in this emotionally charged ceremony where kids were shamed or glorified! Some kids were ecstatic and others were sobbing in anguish. I’d never seen such a spectacle in all my life. Luckily my daughter was glorified, but it’s not a good way to shape young minds.

Luckily for us, we were in the US at the time of the results release so we didn't share in the chaos. We appointed a family friend as her proxy, and she got to attend the event as if she was a student. It was a very proud day for us, as her name was flashed on the big screen as one of the top scorers for the entire cohort to see. At the same time, though, I can't imagine how it must've felt for some of the children who didn't perform as well. I think children are innately competitive, enough so as is. They should be allowed to succeed and fail in private, so they will have the courage/confidence to try again.

[Lisafuller]

Exactly. Comparing oneself to others is a recipe for stress and unhappiness.

This is absolutely true, but it’s also ingrained here starting with school.

I still recall when my daughter got her PSLE results… I was thinking we would be able to simply get her results online and that would be that. No, no… the only way to get her PSLE results was in-person where they brought the entire class together in this emotionally charged ceremony where kids were shamed or glorified! Some kids were ecstatic and others were sobbing in anguish. I’d never seen such a spectacle in all my life. Luckily my daughter was glorified, but it’s not a good way to shape young minds.

Yes, pressure on school kids does seem to be pretty intense. I think in this case there is some systemic problem that needs to be addressed, and they are sort of doing that, or say they are.
I'm glad to see there is some move towards acknowledging trades as a legit and respectable career. In Canada, plumbers, mechanics and electricians are well respected, and usually pretty well off. Think that will involve some mindset changes in parents too though.

In Australia, too, people working blue-collar jobs are paid very well and given plenty of paid vacation days. They end work on time and are discouraged from OT-ing. All of this makes for a much healthier work life balance.

[malcontent]

They should be allowed to succeed and fail in private, so they will have the courage/confidence to try again.

I’m sure I wouldn’t have cut the mustard here, when I took Cliften Strengthsfinder, my absolute lowest rated characteristic is Achiver - which is in most people’s top 5.

I have little in the way of competitive spirit, I tend to march to my own drum. This often makes me misunderstood and I sometimes have to compensate by faking what people expect - especially in the workplace. I fear my son has the same affliction.

[jalanjalan]

I think the reason unhappiness is so pervasive here is because people always think they have it worse than the next guy. They did a survey here and people consistently thought they did way more nice things for others during their day than what they got in return. If you did the same survey and asked people if they were better or worse off compared to others at random, I’m sure you’d get the same lopsided results that are totally warped from reality.

One big difference I notice when I travel back to the US… not only are people nicer and more courteous in general, but they also keep their radar up for anytime someone does any little nice thing for them… and whenever they notice it, they gush with genuine appreciation. This actually spurs people on and makes them want to be even nicer. Here, it’s just the opposite, often kindness is often (purposely) ignored, and I believe it’s a cultural thing - accepting any kindness can be seen as owing someone something, so people get in that habit. I’ve even gotten bad reactions after trying to be nice - like, what is my motive?

If you are convinced that everyone is better off than you and nobody will do anything without an ulterior motive… of course you won’t be very happy. I’ve always done my best to rise above that and do my own thing regardless of what others might think. But I have to admit that I’m not completely immune, because my brother will remind me not to be so rude, especially the first few days when I am still in “run over the pedestrians” mode! LOL.

People aren't just nicer in the US, they're less reserved towards strangers. You can't walk down the street without being greeted with a smile by a complete stranger. It just feels good. It's obviously a cultural thing, Americans in general are just more social.

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Things are changing here. When I bought the HDB flat 24 years ago that I still live in, it was rare to have a neighbour or anybody in the estate greet me. But I always greeted them as is the custom in the US at least in towns and small cities. I usually got weird looks or people rapidly turning their heads. But, after a while, when they realized that crazy angmoh is still going to address us we might as well acknowledge the inevitable and they started responding and then even if I wasn't watching or didn't see them they started greeting me some times in Mandarin, Malay or English. It's now kind of customary and became more so once they started seeing me in the Residents Committee and the functions. If you meet them half way they will come around but usually we have to make the first overture before they will come around.

[Lisafuller]

They should be allowed to succeed and fail in private, so they will have the courage/confidence to try again.

I’m sure I wouldn’t have cut the mustard here, when I took Cliften Strengthsfinder, my absolute lowest rated characteristic is Achiver - which is in most people’s top 5.

I have little in the way of competitive spirit, I tend to march to my own drum. This often makes me misunderstood and I sometimes have to compensate by faking what people expect - especially in the workplace. I fear my son has the same affliction.

Part of the reason why you're not crazy competitive is probably because you grew up in an environment that allowed you to grow and learn at your own pace. This is what is lacking in Singapore. We teach our kids to be unhappy and never satisfied from young.

[Lisafuller]

I think the reason unhappiness is so pervasive here is because people always think they have it worse than the next guy. They did a survey here and people consistently thought they did way more nice things for others during their day than what they got in return. If you did the same survey and asked people if they were better or worse off compared to others at random, I’m sure you’d get the same lopsided results that are totally warped from reality.

One big difference I notice when I travel back to the US… not only are people nicer and more courteous in general, but they also keep their radar up for anytime someone does any little nice thing for them… and whenever they notice it, they gush with genuine appreciation. This actually spurs people on and makes them want to be even nicer. Here, it’s just the opposite, often kindness is often (purposely) ignored, and I believe it’s a cultural thing - accepting any kindness can be seen as owing someone something, so people get in that habit. I’ve even gotten bad reactions after trying to be nice - like, what is my motive?

If you are convinced that everyone is better off than you and nobody will do anything without an ulterior motive… of course you won’t be very happy. I’ve always done my best to rise above that and do my own thing regardless of what others might think. But I have to admit that I’m not completely immune, because my brother will remind me not to be so rude, especially the first few days when I am still in “run over the pedestrians” mode! LOL.

People aren't just nicer in the US, they're less reserved towards strangers. You can't walk down the street without being greeted with a smile by a complete stranger. It just feels good. It's obviously a cultural thing, Americans in general are just more social.

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

I'm not saying people here aren't nice, I just think that people in the US, by comparison, are far more open and forthcoming towards others. Singaporeans are kind, but most seem to fall to the bystander effect, they just mind their own business because they assume somebody else will step up.

[Lisafuller]

Things are changing here. When I bought the HDB flat 24 years ago that I still live in, it was rare to have a neighbour or anybody in the estate greet me. But I always greeted them as is the custom in the US at least in towns and small cities. I usually got weird looks or people rapidly turning their heads. But, after a while, when they realized that crazy angmoh is still going to address us we might as well acknowledge the inevitable and they started responding and then even if I wasn't watching or didn't see them they started greeting me some times in Mandarin, Malay or English. It's now kind of customary and became more so once they started seeing me in the Residents Committee and the functions. If you meet them half way they will come around but usually we have to make the first overture before they will come around.

Definitely, and there's nothing wrong with that. They just need a little coaxing to come out of their shell. When we first moved into our condo, we had little crossover with our neighbors, we mostly kept to ourselves, because that was what everyone else did. As we all had kids and they became friends, naturally, so did we.

[jalanjalan]

People aren't just nicer in the US, they're less reserved towards strangers. You can't walk down the street without being greeted with a smile by a complete stranger. It just feels good. It's obviously a cultural thing, Americans in general are just more social.

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

I'm not saying people here aren't nice, I just think that people in the US, by comparison, are far more open and forthcoming towards others. Singaporeans are kind, but most seem to fall to the bystander effect, they just mind their own business because they assume somebody else will step up.

General friendliness that I would deem socially acceptable in Canada is pretty much the same as here, in my experience. This is for residential areas - I wouldn't walk around Orchard road greeting random strangers any more than I would in downtown Vancouver.
I've only visited a few places in the US briefly for work, so I don't know how much they differ.

[x9200]

I think the reason unhappiness is so pervasive here is because people always think they have it worse than the next guy. They did a survey here and people consistently thought they did way more nice things for others during their day than what they got in return. If you did the same survey and asked people if they were better or worse off compared to others at random, I’m sure you’d get the same lopsided results that are totally warped from reality.

One big difference I notice when I travel back to the US… not only are people nicer and more courteous in general, but they also keep their radar up for anytime someone does any little nice thing for them… and whenever they notice it, they gush with genuine appreciation. This actually spurs people on and makes them want to be even nicer. Here, it’s just the opposite, often kindness is often (purposely) ignored, and I believe it’s a cultural thing - accepting any kindness can be seen as owing someone something, so people get in that habit. I’ve even gotten bad reactions after trying to be nice - like, what is my motive?

If you are convinced that everyone is better off than you and nobody will do anything without an ulterior motive… of course you won’t be very happy. I’ve always done my best to rise above that and do my own thing regardless of what others might think. But I have to admit that I’m not completely immune, because my brother will remind me not to be so rude, especially the first few days when I am still in “run over the pedestrians” mode! LOL.

People aren't just nicer in the US, they're less reserved towards strangers. You can't walk down the street without being greeted with a smile by a complete stranger. It just feels good. It's obviously a cultural thing, Americans in general are just more social.

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

Perhaps they are more reserved towards Caucasians and treat them as even more stranger strangers? Especially, that Caucasians have rather bad local reputation.
The only exception I could recall where somebody smiled and greeted me in spontaneous, friendly manner was during trekking in places like MacRitchie.

Generally people are helpful and friendly but need to know you first a bit more. If they don't, even they know you by sight, they will not greet you.
This is all IMO very cultural but I think it slowly changes towards more open and positive behaviors.

[jalanjalan]

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

Perhaps they are more reserved towards Caucasians and treat them as even more stranger strangers? Especially, that Caucasians have rather bad local reputation.
The only exception I could recall where somebody smiled and greeted me in spontaneous, friendly manner was during trekking in places like MacRitchie.

Generally people are helpful and friendly but need to know you first a bit more. If they don't, even they know you by sight, they will not greet you.
This is all IMO very cultural but I think it slowly changes towards more open and positive behaviors.

It could be. It's kind of hard to tell if I'm being treated differently. I'm the only ang mo (that I know of) living in my neighbourhood. Several times I've had other aunties come up to me in the supermarket and ask for help finding something, so they certainly aren't afraid to approach me. Maybe I just give universal auntie vibe.. we have a kinship that transcends culture

[x9200]

So it must be something about you
I was about to write there was something about me what makes people acting in less friendly and reserved way (I look perhaps a bit like an angry ang moh), but I know that perceived lack of friendliness is more common among "expats".

[malcontent]

Things are changing here. When I bought the HDB flat 24 years ago that I still live in, it was rare to have a neighbour or anybody in the estate greet me. But I always greeted them as is the custom in the US at least in towns and small cities. I usually got weird looks or people rapidly turning their heads. But, after a while, when they realized that crazy angmoh is still going to address us we might as well acknowledge the inevitable and they started responding and then even if I wasn't watching or didn't see them they started greeting me some times in Mandarin, Malay or English. It's now kind of customary and became more so once they started seeing me in the Residents Committee and the functions. If you meet them half way they will come around but usually we have to make the first overture before they will come around.

I agree, things are changing; people are loosening up compared to last time. I still remember getting stared at a lot more as an ang moh (and a sense of relief on trips to the US). But that has totally changed.

I like what you said about being persistent despite what reactions you got — it takes a lot of attitude to persevere in the face of getting snubbed. Good advice to live by.

[Lisafuller]

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

I'm not saying people here aren't nice, I just think that people in the US, by comparison, are far more open and forthcoming towards others. Singaporeans are kind, but most seem to fall to the bystander effect, they just mind their own business because they assume somebody else will step up.

General friendliness that I would deem socially acceptable in Canada is pretty much the same as here, in my experience. This is for residential areas - I wouldn't walk around Orchard road greeting random strangers any more than I would in downtown Vancouver.
I've only visited a few places in the US briefly for work, so I don't know how much they differ.

I'd say that people in the US, at least where I'm from, are almost overwhelmingly friendly. You can walk down any street and practically everyone will say hi, good morning, or at least give you a smile and nod. Here, the most you will get usually is a smile, otherwise people avoid all eye contact.

[Lisafuller]

My husband and I go for daily walks in our neighbourhood, and we get smiles and friendly greetings daily from people we don't know at all or only in passing. We live in an average HDB neighbourhood, with a pretty even mix of young and old. Just the other day we were struggling with a sliding door that refused to open and a young guy saw us and trotted over to help. Singapore is still in many ways a big kampung - but people can be a little shy. That may contribute to the interpretation that they are aloof.

Perhaps they are more reserved towards Caucasians and treat them as even more stranger strangers? Especially, that Caucasians have rather bad local reputation.
The only exception I could recall where somebody smiled and greeted me in spontaneous, friendly manner was during trekking in places like MacRitchie.

Generally people are helpful and friendly but need to know you first a bit more. If they don't, even they know you by sight, they will not greet you.
This is all IMO very cultural but I think it slowly changes towards more open and positive behaviors.

It could be. It's kind of hard to tell if I'm being treated differently. I'm the only ang mo (that I know of) living in my neighbourhood. Several times I've had other aunties come up to me in the supermarket and ask for help finding something, so they certainly aren't afraid to approach me. Maybe I just give universal auntie vibe.. we have a kinship that transcends culture

Maybe it's because you're a lady, I've noticed that people are more open and friendly towards me than they are towards my husband. Even for something simple, like handing out samples in a supermarket, the promoter will always approach me and offer me a taste, while casting nervous glances at my hubby the whole time.