Why Men Cheat

[Curiosity]

To all men

This is a sensitive topic to talk about and yet not a foreign topic. But I do want know why men cheat on their partner (gf, wife, companion), and yes, I am a female who write this topic. I asked because some men in my circle do that. Just to be clear, not all men cheat. There are good men too. Also women cheat too, but this topic is about men.

Examples of my today's topic.

1. I know this couple and I saw the husband ( I know him too) kissed 1 of girls of his team member from work at the club. He obviously forgot that I was there. No excuse for being drunk because he wasn't drunk because I know he can handle his liquor well. I asked the other friend of mine, who also friend of this couple whether I should tell his wife about this or not and she suggested not to mention anything. So I kept silent. Last time I check, they are still together.

2. A friend who I get to know couple years ago. He cheats on his wife couple times and I know it because he did show his intention with me and I said no. I even told him not to cheat his wife because if she finds out, his will lose everything, including the kids and yet, he still cheat.

3. My own colleague told me he has GFs (strictly only to kill time so they will not have any expectation)

4. My own bf cheated on me and I caught him, his defense was, "because I can". So I left. I was in my 20s and he was in his late 30s.

I know it takes 2 to tango to complete the dance but I just couldn't understand why men cheat. I know that women cheat too, but I want to hear different opinion from all everyone, man or woman.

If he cheat because marriage counselling didn't work or nothing change after they talked about it, well, at least he tried. But, still, why not just break it off and move on (this for couple who are not married yet). Give each other a chance to start new. It won't be easy at first but she or he will get through it and find someone. I can't comment and say "move on" or "get a divorce" to married couple because it is complicated especially for those who have kids.

Do men cheat because of:
1. Middle age crisis
2. Miss the excitement of wooing and dating when he was young
3. Libido is in charge
4. Want some challenge in his life

Let me know what you think

Cheers

[sundaymorningstaple]

You left out 5......Or you could include it in No 3. by adding "or lack thereof" referring to the partner not cheating.

The possibility that the woman has dried up or otherwise lost her own sexual energy (could be after giving birth, e.g., or the ailment that causes the V to close up to the point where insertion is virtually impossible or too painful and the woman is too embarrassed to go to the doctor thereby causing all sexual relations to cease even though the partner still finds her desirable but has, for all intents and purposes become celibate (or cheats). Or how about the woman who goes through early menopause and loses all physical desire.. Again, husband still in prime of his life. I've been around and have listened to a lot of people who have resorted to cheating because there is nothing left at home. But most women will not open up to having issues and most men are too embarrassed to be in a celibate condition (or suffering from early onset of ED) while all their mates aren't (this could be the cause of the woman cheating). The solution cannot be addressed unless BOTH parties are willing to seek professional help, be it psychological or physical or a combination of both. There is usually something that causes both men and women to stray.

[malcontent]

There was a guy in my office who came over with a wife and kids from the US and within a year or so he dumped them (divorced and repatriated) but he stayed here and got a local girl in our office pregnant. She got an abortion but he soon found another local girl that piqued his interest, but she wouldn’t give it up without the ring so he married her and they even had a kid together, but after several years he started having another affair with a cute young girl in our office from China. When the wife found out she reported him to our company. Since the girl worked under him and he didn’t declare it, they had to discipline him, got demoted and sent back to the US. But within a year he was back in SG and working for a large pharma in a similar position that he had with my employer previously. I also heard he had been seen with the girl he had an affair with around SG. Hopefully she knows she won’t have him forever. I actually knew this guy pretty well, he once told me that there really is no such thing as love. I completely disagree; although no relationship is perfect, I’ve been with my SO for 30 years now and have no doubt that what we have is the real deal.

[tiktok]

Two main reasons:

1. Men have a biological imperative to spread their seed as widely as possible. "Civilized" contradicts of marriage and fidelity can't compete with that urge.

2. Most men are looking for a replacement for their mother. They find no other women lives up to that, so they keep blindly searching.

[BBCDoc]

Please ensure balance by setting up another thread on ‘Why women cheat’


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[PNGMK]

Please ensure balance by setting up another thread on ‘Why women cheat’


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Done

[PNGMK]

To answer the question; IMO it's mostly because of ego that men cheat. Whether conscious or not the desire to prove something to themselves is real - they are seeking a "win" in life. I don't believe that the primary reason is just physical (as men of all types and capabilities cheat and sometimes cannot complete the act physically). There is though some endocrine drivers that TikityTok alluded to.

[Curiosity]

What about this one? This is my own experience months ago

I dated this man few times and I found out that he is married and have kids (stupid of me )
When I asked him, why would he cheat? he said it is an experience, a journey of an adventure, for me, not him. To my opinion, he didn't answer my question.

I asked, what if I want more not just date, but commitment, life partner, etc and he said about following his heart. Again, no direct answer to my opinion.

To your opnion, what is his reason of cheating? Is it ego?

[BBCDoc]

My bro’s company had an interesting problem. In the past, they sent some Singaporean staff to China for business trips. A high percentage of Singaporean married men ended up cheating and trying to stay in China, rather than return home to the families in SG. After a while, his company only sent women to China for business trips.

From that, it was clear that there are women in China determined to hook the Singaporean men, whether they were married or not, since it is generally expected only the successful ones would be sent to China for business meetings. I recall there were some controversial workshops exposed where women were being taught how to steal husbands.

Thus, businessmen working away from home are vulnerable to such brazen women determine to improve their lot in life in a less than honest manner.


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[malcontent]

My bro’s company had an interesting problem. In the past, they sent some Singaporean staff to China for business trips. A high percentage of Singaporean married men ended up cheating and trying to stay in China, rather than return home to the families in SG. After a while, his company only sent women to China for business trips.

From that, it was clear that there are women in China determined to hook the Singaporean men, whether they were married or not, since it is generally expected only the successful ones would be sent to China for business meetings. I recall there were some controversial workshops exposed where women were being taught how to steal husbands.

Thus, businessmen working away from home are vulnerable to such brazen women determine to improve their lot in life in a less than honest manner.


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If I were these men, I would be worried about waking up in a tub of ice water with a note about my organs being harvested. I know it might be an urban legend, but it’s enough to scare me.

[Curiosity]

Hmm..in this situation, I can only think the men would be easily tempted and vulnerable because:
1. She is sexyyyyy, she know what she want and aggressive
OR
2. She is very gentle, great listener, caring and look after him very well. Make him feel like a man. Either she knows he is married or she might not know. She is different compare with the wife / partner back home.

It is not uncommon for China women to have bad reputation.

[PNGMK]

Hmm..in this situation, I can only think the men would be easily tempted and vulnerable because:
1. She is sexyyyyy, she know what she want and aggressive
OR
2. She is very gentle, great listener, caring and look after him very well. Make him feel like a man. Either she knows he is married or she might not know. She is different compare with the wife / partner back home.

It is not uncommon for China women to have bad reputation.

I met a western doctor when I lived in Shanghai in the 90s. He told me that pretty much that STD's are rampant.

[sundaymorningstaple]

Hmm..in this situation, I can only think the men would be easily tempted and vulnerable because:
1. She is sexyyyyy, she know what she want and aggressive
OR
2. She is very gentle, great listener, caring and look after him very well. Make him feel like a man. Either she knows he is married or she might not know. She is different compare with the wife / partner back home.

It is not uncommon for China women to have bad reputation.

You last sentence is interesting.....

When I came to Singapore (just about the time you were born give or take 6 months) the reputation was the same for Singapore women as well. They had the well known acronym in the area as SPGs. Gold-diggers at every turn, well educated ones no less, Their prey? Any white guy (from dud to stud, all fair game) from any western country who could provide her a ticket out of Singapore and into the lap of luxury (in their minds eye, mind you). In some circles that SPG still exists here but women are a lot more educated today and their methods are a lot more stealthy than those of 30+ years ago. In case you are not familiar with that term SPG either, it stands for Sarong Party Girl and you can let your imagination run wild and it still will not be there.

[Curiosity]

Same situation where, China women would go for Singaporean men that can provide a ticket out of China and get blue IC. Not sure about luxury life though.

Yes, I am familiar with SPG term ( live here for 20 years and still counting) because some of my friends would only date white guys for whatever reasons they have. Some married to them too. One of them said, a smart woman would see it as "business deal". She is married to German man and have 2 kids with him. I find her idea of "business deal" is very unusual. If it works for her, good for her and if it works for him, good for him too.

[malcontent]

You last sentence is interesting.....

When I came to Singapore (just about the time you were born give or take 6 months) the reputation was the same for Singapore women as well. They had the well known acronym in the area as SPGs. Gold-diggers at every turn, well educated ones no less, Their prey? Any white guy (from dud to stud, all fair game) from any western country who could provide her a ticket out of Singapore and into the lap of luxury (in their minds eye, mind you). In some circles that SPG still exists here but women are a lot more educated today and their methods are a lot more stealthy than those of 30+ years ago. In case you are not familiar with that term SPG either, it stands for Sarong Party Girl and you can let your imagination run wild and it still will not be there.

Gold diggers in a way… but most SPGs I’ve seen seem to just wanna have a good time and live the atas life (real or perceived), which western men tend to splurge on (even when they can’t afford it). Local guys tend not to spend extravagantly (and in reality, are often far wealthier as a result).