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What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

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Lisafuller
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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:09 pm

smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:49 am
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:41 am
Lisafuller wrote:
Mon, 25 Apr 2022 10:34 pm


8??? How did that work? You + your wife, 6 kids? I haven’t been back to the US since 2019, hope to take a trip back soon, maybe in June when my daughter is done with her internship. Will be a much needed break for all of us.
From 1988 to 1991 I work for the US Refugee program under the auspices of UNHCR resettling VN Boat People throughout SE Asia refugee camps. I guess when I finished that, and eventually bought this flat, the most useless of the extended in-laws (wife's siblings, parents, Nieces, Nephews and grand niece all thought I was still in the refugee or halfway house business and my wife always pictured herself as Mother Teresa and as they were her rellies (and she was the eldest of 7 children), what to do. It was like a zoo here most of the time.
This sounds so much like my ex wife's mother. We didn't have people staying over but we had a whole village "borrowing" (never returned of course) money from us ("me"). I'm surprised that you kept it together, because it drove me nuts and was a big reason why we split up.
At what point do you decide enough is enough? Frankly I’ve never understood how people could be so shameless just taking and taking over and over. I could understand if it was a time of genuine need, but if it was just to fund their latest frivolous purchases I’m not on board.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:13 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:58 am
I am nuts. Most here already swear I am. And yes, I've threatened but when the house/flat has her name first on the title (HDB) even though I paid for it, I can't afford to throw it all away. No more working life left to speak of at 74. HBP is kept in check with plenty of drugs. (and yes, I was the extended family banker as well so I know where you are coming from on that front!) Of course they never pay it back either thinking I will understand.
Do you still give? Seems like a tough situation. You can’t really cut them off because they’re family, but at the same time if they keep asking at some point surely you’ll have to draw some boundaries.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:15 pm

Addadude wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 10:43 am
smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:49 am
This sounds so much like my ex wife's mother. We didn't have people staying over but we had a whole village "borrowing" (never returned of course) money from us ("me"). I'm surprised that you kept it together, because it drove me nuts and was a big reason why we split up.
I am fortunate in that my wife is highly protective of me in this regard and manages such expectations from her family members very bluntly.
Very good that she takes this stance. Often times it’s hard not to support your own blood relatives, and hard to see when they’re being unreasonable because our perspectives are colored by our feelings for/relationships with them.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:17 pm

bro75 wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:46 am
I am also traveling in June. Just a quick trip for errands and to visit parents. Otherwise, there is no change in my life for now.
Whereabouts are you headed?

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by smoulder » Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:48 pm

Lisafuller wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:09 pm
smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:49 am
sundaymorningstaple wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:41 am


From 1988 to 1991 I work for the US Refugee program under the auspices of UNHCR resettling VN Boat People throughout SE Asia refugee camps. I guess when I finished that, and eventually bought this flat, the most useless of the extended in-laws (wife's siblings, parents, Nieces, Nephews and grand niece all thought I was still in the refugee or halfway house business and my wife always pictured herself as Mother Teresa and as they were her rellies (and she was the eldest of 7 children), what to do. It was like a zoo here most of the time.
This sounds so much like my ex wife's mother. We didn't have people staying over but we had a whole village "borrowing" (never returned of course) money from us ("me"). I'm surprised that you kept it together, because it drove me nuts and was a big reason why we split up.
At what point do you decide enough is enough? Frankly I’ve never understood how people could be so shameless just taking and taking over and over. I could understand if it was a time of genuine need, but if it was just to fund their latest frivolous purchases I’m not on board.
From what I can remember (some of this happened around 15 years ago), some of these people had done stupid things money wise and owed banks money. So what did they do - ask someone else (me) to "loan" them some more money to pay someone else. Of course, the request would come through my mother in law and wife (now ex). I guess this is a fairly common pattern of behavior.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Wed, 27 Apr 2022 11:57 pm

smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:48 pm
Lisafuller wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:09 pm
smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 1:49 am


This sounds so much like my ex wife's mother. We didn't have people staying over but we had a whole village "borrowing" (never returned of course) money from us ("me"). I'm surprised that you kept it together, because it drove me nuts and was a big reason why we split up.
At what point do you decide enough is enough? Frankly I’ve never understood how people could be so shameless just taking and taking over and over. I could understand if it was a time of genuine need, but if it was just to fund their latest frivolous purchases I’m not on board.
From what I can remember (some of this happened around 15 years ago), some of these people had done stupid things money wise and owed banks money. So what did they do - ask someone else (me) to "loan" them some more money to pay someone else. Of course, the request would come through my mother in law and wife (now ex). I guess this is a fairly common pattern of behavior.
Yup, I’d say it’s pretty common. Personally I don’t think I would ever oblige, but I’m sure it would be much harder to resist if I was actually put in such a situation.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 12:45 pm

Lisafuller wrote:
Wed, 27 Apr 2022 11:57 pm
smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:48 pm
Lisafuller wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:09 pm


At what point do you decide enough is enough? Frankly I’ve never understood how people could be so shameless just taking and taking over and over. I could understand if it was a time of genuine need, but if it was just to fund their latest frivolous purchases I’m not on board.
From what I can remember (some of this happened around 15 years ago), some of these people had done stupid things money wise and owed banks money. So what did they do - ask someone else (me) to "loan" them some more money to pay someone else. Of course, the request would come through my mother in law and wife (now ex). I guess this is a fairly common pattern of behavior.
Yup, I’d say it’s pretty common. Personally I don’t think I would ever oblige, but I’m sure it would be much harder to resist if I was actually put in such a situation.
If the request comes via the 'wife' (which in my case was the normal as she was the one who quit school to raise the younger six siblings after her father lost his job (with the British Army in Seletar Camp in 1963) she was in sec 3 when she quit) However, she always did without but as they were all grown adults they didn't mind (e.g., no pride) asking her to borrow from me as she always did without for them. When we married she was already 37. The problem is, and I'm sure smoulder will agree, blood is thicker than water, even if it's a husband, you come second. As a PR, who bought & paid for our resale HDB, I really couldn't afford to go through another divorce, etc. However, when Pa's Alzheimer's worsen and he had series of strokes which left him bedridden and required tube feeding at home for the last 18 months, we mounted up a lot of expenses of which we paid for and the siblings never lifted a finger to help either physically or fiscally. When he died, as the whole family were around, I told them straight to their faces that they would never see another cent from me or my family, I don't care what the issue is. You make your bed and you sleep in it. Some still don't speak to me, some have died, but frankly I don't give damn any more and the wife knows it.
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 7:09 pm

sundaymorningstaple wrote:
Thu, 28 Apr 2022 12:45 pm
Lisafuller wrote:
Wed, 27 Apr 2022 11:57 pm
smoulder wrote:
Tue, 26 Apr 2022 11:48 pm


From what I can remember (some of this happened around 15 years ago), some of these people had done stupid things money wise and owed banks money. So what did they do - ask someone else (me) to "loan" them some more money to pay someone else. Of course, the request would come through my mother in law and wife (now ex). I guess this is a fairly common pattern of behavior.
Yup, I’d say it’s pretty common. Personally I don’t think I would ever oblige, but I’m sure it would be much harder to resist if I was actually put in such a situation.
If the request comes via the 'wife' (which in my case was the normal as she was the one who quit school to raise the younger six siblings after her father lost his job (with the British Army in Seletar Camp in 1963) she was in sec 3 when she quit) However, she always did without but as they were all grown adults they didn't mind (e.g., no pride) asking her to borrow from me as she always did without for them. When we married she was already 37. The problem is, and I'm sure smoulder will agree, blood is thicker than water, even if it's a husband, you come second. As a PR, who bought & paid for our resale HDB, I really couldn't afford to go through another divorce, etc. However, when Pa's Alzheimer's worsen and he had series of strokes which left him bedridden and required tube feeding at home for the last 18 months, we mounted up a lot of expenses of which we paid for and the siblings never lifted a finger to help either physically or fiscally. When he died, as the whole family were around, I told them straight to their faces that they would never see another cent from me or my family, I don't care what the issue is. You make your bed and you sleep in it. Some still don't speak to me, some have died, but frankly I don't give damn any more and the wife knows it.
Good for you for finally setting those boundaries. And classic Asian response ignoring you, they should be embarrassed. We’re there any who took it well that you still have good relations with?

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 7:11 pm

Went to the mall for the first time since restrictions were lifted, was so surreal to walk in without having to scan TT at all. I reached for my phone out of habit but then realized there was no one there to make sure I had checked in.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Winston1997 » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:10 pm

Starting Wednesday 4 units in my complex headed to the airport. More went today. The Straits Times wrote that flight times were going to be tweaked to avoid backlog. Looks like lots of travel movements in and out of Singapore the next few days.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:37 pm

Lisafuller wrote:
Thu, 28 Apr 2022 7:09 pm
Good for you for finally setting those boundaries. And classic Asian response ignoring you, they should be embarrassed. We’re there any who took it well that you still have good relations with?
Lisa, of the 3 remaining siblings who aren't dead (3) already, two of them are still talking to us. Although the husband of one of them doesn't but that's never been any loss. In fact it's a blessing The other is alive and well more or less and yeah after alcohol & drugs ended up in open heart surgery which he survived and at least now he's stopped both but he's at least working (at least until all the bars closed up for covid - another musician) He looking for a gig at the moment but at least he found a security job that helped during the past 2 years, he is okay with it although he's one of the reformed alcoholics who we bailed out of Outer Mongolia (literally) after a call from MHA to ask if we would cover the cost of his plane ticket (Music gig that went south). Between drugs & alcohol he doesn't even remember it. The other brother is a walking vegetable after falling on his head two times in a drunken stupor (another musician) why is it that musicians tend to do that kind of stuff. As far as embarrassed, they are. But it's better this way, as far as I'm concerned. Two other boys have died (one a musician) and her youngest sibling & sister. 7 children 4 were professional musicians/singers (3 boys & my wife). One daughter of the non-musician son who died is also a professional singer as is my son. I cannot carry a tune in a bathtub! :-(
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:41 pm

Good God, 7 kids??? Certainly sounds like SG in the 50s.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:42 pm

Winston1997 wrote:
Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:10 pm
Starting Wednesday 4 units in my complex headed to the airport. More went today. The Straits Times wrote that flight times were going to be tweaked to avoid backlog. Looks like lots of travel movements in and out of Singapore the next few days.
You’re planning on traveling as well? Sorry but I don’t really understand your post.

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by sundaymorningstaple » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:54 pm

Lisafuller wrote:
Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:41 pm
Good God, 7 kids??? Certainly sounds like SG in the 50s.
Lisa, it was. My wife is Singaporean Indian and was the eldest child, born in 1946 after WWII (I'm no spring chicken, I was born in '47 and will be 75 in Sept). :lol: :lol:
SOME PEOPLE TRY TO TURN BACK THEIR ODOMETERS. NOT ME. I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHY I LOOK THIS WAY. I'VE TRAVELED A LONG WAY, AND SOME OF THE ROADS WEREN'T PAVED. ~ Will Rogers

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Re: What are you all doing when restrictions are lifted?

Post by Lisafuller » Thu, 28 Apr 2022 8:58 pm

Hahaha, my dad was born in ‘59, and is the eldest of 4 boys. Still, he was born in the states where HUGE families have never really been a thing.

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