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Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

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Qiao1117
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Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Qiao1117 » Sat, 11 Dec 2021 9:18 pm

I'm currently 20 years old, going to work study diploma in ite in April next year. Parents has always been in bad terms and it has gotten worst this year when my mom decides to let a friend of hers to use the address of our current house as the person doesn't have a residential address and everything was done behind my dad's back first it was just official letters then the stranger lived outside of our house for at least 3 days and he entered my house to bathe and charge phone etc which I felt very uncomfortable firstly he is a grown man and I'm just a female student trying to have online classes. There was once he just entered the house when my mom was sleeping he unlocked the door with her keys to use the toilet although it was just for awhile it makes me feel extremely unsafe and uncomfortable. Then he starts ordering items from like shoppee etc as if like its his own house and I've encountered someone knocking on the door and asked me if is there any kids below a certain age that's living here(which is his child, and there's isn't any other child other than me) I tried reaching to the police but seems like nothing could be done as my mom is the Co owner of the house and she allowed everything to happen and both me and my dad couldn't do anything about it. I'm really sick of living with her as she always creates noise (like blasting videos and songs at full volume sometimes even with speakers) even when I'm in online classes or when I'm sleeping both of us feedback to her many times about it and she doesn't even listen and continue to do so.

Hope I could get some advice on how to rent a house/room with a pet cat and hamster as it seems like this matter wouldn't be solved unless they are divorced which needs alot money and my dad isn't capable of paying that huge amount of money because he still needs to feed me+ the bills and everything for this house

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by smoulder » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 11:09 am

I gather it might take quite a bit of searching before you do find a pet friendly place to rent.

Not sure what your budget is, but there's a higher chance that it will have to be a condo room.

Quick online search came up with this

https://www.roomies.sg/rooms/pet-friendly

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by x9200 » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 3:45 pm

Qiao1117 wrote:
Sat, 11 Dec 2021 9:18 pm
I'm currently 20 years old, going to work study diploma in ite in April next year. Parents has always been in bad terms and it has gotten worst this year when my mom decides to let a friend of hers to use the address of our current house as the person doesn't have a residential address and everything was done behind my dad's back first it was just official letters then the stranger lived outside of our house for at least 3 days and he entered my house to bathe and charge phone etc which I felt very uncomfortable firstly he is a grown man and I'm just a female student trying to have online classes. There was once he just entered the house when my mom was sleeping he unlocked the door with her keys to use the toilet although it was just for awhile it makes me feel extremely unsafe and uncomfortable. Then he starts ordering items from like shoppee etc as if like its his own house and I've encountered someone knocking on the door and asked me if is there any kids below a certain age that's living here(which is his child, and there's isn't any other child other than me) I tried reaching to the police but seems like nothing could be done as my mom is the Co owner of the house and she allowed everything to happen and both me and my dad couldn't do anything about it. I'm really sick of living with her as she always creates noise (like blasting videos and songs at full volume sometimes even with speakers) even when I'm in online classes or when I'm sleeping both of us feedback to her many times about it and she doesn't even listen and continue to do so.

Hope I could get some advice on how to rent a house/room with a pet cat and hamster as it seems like this matter wouldn't be solved unless they are divorced which needs alot money and my dad isn't capable of paying that huge amount of money because he still needs to feed me+ the bills and everything for this house
I am very sure a co-owner can't just let a stranger in to the house to use the house facilities and violating the privacy of the occupants, all without a consent from the other co-owner. This especially if the place is occupied by the co-owners. I suggest you and your father seek a layer's advice.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Qiao1117 » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 4:24 pm

Hi we tried contacting police and the mp about it. But we were told that because she "invited" him in they gave the example of if I were to invite friends in the house its totally fine yea I understand that but the main concern is on the usage on address especially when it could be on his nric but we can't confirm if it is on his nric anot><

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by x9200 » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 5:23 pm

Qiao1117 wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 4:24 pm
Hi we tried contacting police and the mp about it. But we were told that because she "invited" him in they gave the example of if I were to invite friends in the house its totally fine yea I understand that but the main concern is on the usage on address especially when it could be on his nric but we can't confirm if it is on his nric anot><
This is unlikely a criminal offense so neither police nor any official would step in. This is a civil matter.
If you think this situation is legally ok, imagine not one stranger but 10 occupying the property 24/7. Following your logic this should be also fine as long as one of the co-owners agrees. It strips down the other co-owner from executing or enjoying his rights to the property and he has the rights to do this without any doubts. So the only question here is where you would draw the line. IMO if such action significantly violates privacy of the occupants the line is already crossed.

And inviting friends is something different because this is incidental and what you described is something that appears to be regular or very frequent. You also don't pass the keys to the house to your friends, especially if you are not the only occupant, right?

But if the only issue is related to the use of the address, then I don't think you have the case - this is something minor and not interfering any significantly with the right of the co-owner or the occupants to the property.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Qiao1117 » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 6:16 pm

x9200 wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 5:23 pm
Qiao1117 wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 4:24 pm
Hi we tried contacting police and the mp about it. But we were told that because she "invited" him in they gave the example of if I were to invite friends in the house its totally fine yea I understand that but the main concern is on the usage on address especially when it could be on his nric but we can't confirm if it is on his nric anot><
This is unlikely a criminal offense so neither police nor any official would step in. This is a civil matter.
If you think this situation is legally ok, imagine not one stranger but 10 occupying the property 24/7. Following your logic this should be also fine as long as one of the co-owners agrees. It strips down the other co-owner from executing or enjoying his rights to the property and he has the rights to do this without any doubts. So the only question here is where you would draw the line. IMO if such action significantly violates privacy of the occupants the line is already crossed.

And inviting friends is something different because this is incidental and what you described is something that appears to be regular or very frequent. You also don't pass the keys to the house to your friends, especially if you are not the only occupant, right?

But if the only issue is related to the use of the address, then I don't think you have the case - this is something minor and not interfering any significantly with the right of the co-owner or the occupants to the property.

The guy doesn't enters my house anymore for now lol (it lasted for around 3 days or a little longer) when the guy sleeps outside and happen to met my father that came home he proudly claims that he has the address here(which I think he refers to the nric) is it even legal to use a address that doesn't belongs to him and he doesn't stay here? I was told that he is just lending a address but I'm pretty sure there are post boxes avail for rent and he doesn't even needs a residential address to actually get letters from. And if the address is in his nric, isn't it more dangerous if he happens to borrow money from illegal people or engage anything that puts this house on danger?


We talked to one of the MP's helper( we tried talking to him but we were told that it's closed by this person) he say because my mom is the Co owner she has rights to do so and we can't do anything about it because she allows it and the guy hasn't engaged anything illegal regards to money etc so we cant do anything but it would be too late if he were to even do so??

He's currently applying for a hdb and it hasn't been approved yet, but do we really have to wait till he gets the hdb then we can finally get rid of his name and letters to this house?

Both my father and I feel extremely uncomfortable to have a stranger (he's just my mom's friend we don't even know him) that's using our address and living outside (I mean if he can do it once it means he can do it more?)

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Qiao1117 » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 6:36 pm

I just replied but somehow it didn't get posted fjjdjdje

For now he didn't live outside my house (he stayed for around 3 days or a little longer) he happened to meet my father on his last day of staying outside and he told my dad proudly that he has the address here??( I think he refers to the nric) is it even legal to even use a address that doesn't belongs to him and he doesn't even stay here? ( and its based on "lending address as the place he stays doesn't have a mail box" but he's using it for even parcels as if it's his own house??)

If one of the Co owners did it behind the other co-owner back does that mean there's really nothing could be done because my mom allowed it and we can't even remove his name and letters to even come in? And the fact that my mom is collecting his mail just to prevent us for taking evidence is just ridiculous, she's against the whole family just to protect a bloody friend?? Then she self claim that she's a mom?? Which mom does that and make everyone in the house feel uncomfortable.


Both my father and I feel extremely uncomfortable for a stranger to have our address and it could even be on his nric which means if he were to engage illegal activities this house is on danger?? Although he hasn't done anything illegal but we're trying to prevent him to do so. Wouldn't it be too late if it was already done and police would take 10 thousand years just to investigate lol

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by x9200 » Sun, 12 Dec 2021 9:06 pm

Qiao1117 wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 6:36 pm
I just replied but somehow it didn't get posted fjjdjdje

For now he didn't live outside my house (he stayed for around 3 days or a little longer) he happened to meet my father on his last day of staying outside and he told my dad proudly that he has the address here??( I think he refers to the nric) is it even legal to even use a address that doesn't belongs to him and he doesn't even stay here? ( and its based on "lending address as the place he stays doesn't have a mail box" but he's using it for even parcels as if it's his own house??)

If one of the Co owners did it behind the other co-owner back does that mean there's really nothing could be done because my mom allowed it and we can't even remove his name and letters to even come in? And the fact that my mom is collecting his mail just to prevent us for taking evidence is just ridiculous, she's against the whole family just to protect a bloody friend?? Then she self claim that she's a mom?? Which mom does that and make everyone in the house feel uncomfortable.


Both my father and I feel extremely uncomfortable for a stranger to have our address and it could even be on his nric which means if he were to engage illegal activities this house is on danger?? Although he hasn't done anything illegal but we're trying to prevent him to do so. Wouldn't it be too late if it was already done and police would take 10 thousand years just to investigate lol
I believe the mandatory reporting of any change in the address is to have the authorities informed of the residential address (so where one actually lives). This is something different than providing a contact address, so I would expect it may be an offense to provide it untruly. Just check at any NPS.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Addadude » Tue, 14 Dec 2021 2:45 pm

Some community centres have a panel of lawyers that provide basic pro-bono legal advice (first consultation). You should check with your CC whether they have this service and get proper legal advice - not 'advice' from the MP's assistant.
"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed regularly, and for the same reasons."

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Lisafuller » Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:26 am

Qiao1117 wrote:
Sat, 11 Dec 2021 9:18 pm
I'm currently 20 years old, going to work study diploma in ite in April next year. Parents has always been in bad terms and it has gotten worst this year when my mom decides to let a friend of hers to use the address of our current house as the person doesn't have a residential address and everything was done behind my dad's back first it was just official letters then the stranger lived outside of our house for at least 3 days and he entered my house to bathe and charge phone etc which I felt very uncomfortable firstly he is a grown man and I'm just a female student trying to have online classes. There was once he just entered the house when my mom was sleeping he unlocked the door with her keys to use the toilet although it was just for awhile it makes me feel extremely unsafe and uncomfortable. Then he starts ordering items from like shoppee etc as if like its his own house and I've encountered someone knocking on the door and asked me if is there any kids below a certain age that's living here(which is his child, and there's isn't any other child other than me) I tried reaching to the police but seems like nothing could be done as my mom is the Co owner of the house and she allowed everything to happen and both me and my dad couldn't do anything about it. I'm really sick of living with her as she always creates noise (like blasting videos and songs at full volume sometimes even with speakers) even when I'm in online classes or when I'm sleeping both of us feedback to her many times about it and she doesn't even listen and continue to do so.

Hope I could get some advice on how to rent a house/room with a pet cat and hamster as it seems like this matter wouldn't be solved unless they are divorced which needs alot money and my dad isn't capable of paying that huge amount of money because he still needs to feed me+ the bills and everything for this house
Off the record, there are actually no repercussions for raising a cat in an HDB unit, its the same reason why many HDB residents are cat owners. In this case, you will just need to make sure your prospective landlord is agreeable to you bringing your pets in, assuming you are renting a room and not the whole unit.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Lisafuller » Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:28 am

smoulder wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 11:09 am
I gather it might take quite a bit of searching before you do find a pet friendly place to rent.

Not sure what your budget is, but there's a higher chance that it will have to be a condo room.

Quick online search came up with this

https://www.roomies.sg/rooms/pet-friendly
Most condos are pet-friendly, but something most people don't know is that there is no repurcussion to keeping a cat in an HDB unit. The government can neither take away your animal nor fine or charge you for it.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Lisafuller » Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:29 am

Qiao1117 wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 4:24 pm
Hi we tried contacting police and the mp about it. But we were told that because she "invited" him in they gave the example of if I were to invite friends in the house its totally fine yea I understand that but the main concern is on the usage on address especially when it could be on his nric but we can't confirm if it is on his nric anot><
Have you tried speaking to your mom about this? If you and your dad have an open conversation with her she may be more understanding of your feelings than you would expect. Would be much easier and less expensive than striking out on your own and renting a place.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Lisafuller » Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:30 am

Addadude wrote:
Tue, 14 Dec 2021 2:45 pm
Some community centres have a panel of lawyers that provide basic pro-bono legal advice (first consultation). You should check with your CC whether they have this service and get proper legal advice - not 'advice' from the MP's assistant.
Pretty sure most CCs also have meet the people sessions (although they may be online for the time being) where residents can go in and speak to MPs, and thereafter get help to deal with the situation (including getting pro-bono legal advice).

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by smoulder » Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:58 pm

Lisafuller wrote:
Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:28 am
smoulder wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 11:09 am
I gather it might take quite a bit of searching before you do find a pet friendly place to rent.

Not sure what your budget is, but there's a higher chance that it will have to be a condo room.

Quick online search came up with this

https://www.roomies.sg/rooms/pet-friendly
Most condos are pet-friendly, but something most people don't know is that there is no repurcussion to keeping a cat in an HDB unit. The government can neither take away your animal nor fine or charge you for it.
Yep agreed on all those points. I think what they mean by pet friendly would mean that the landlord is OK with pets.

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Re: Advice on moving out as a student due to unstable relationship between parents

Post by Lisafuller » Sun, 19 Dec 2021 4:16 am

smoulder wrote:
Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:58 pm
Lisafuller wrote:
Sat, 18 Dec 2021 3:28 am
smoulder wrote:
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 11:09 am
I gather it might take quite a bit of searching before you do find a pet friendly place to rent.

Not sure what your budget is, but there's a higher chance that it will have to be a condo room.

Quick online search came up with this

https://www.roomies.sg/rooms/pet-friendly
Most condos are pet-friendly, but something most people don't know is that there is no repurcussion to keeping a cat in an HDB unit. The government can neither take away your animal nor fine or charge you for it.
Yep agreed on all those points. I think what they mean by pet friendly would mean that the landlord is OK with pets.
I see. That’s definitely a relevant concern.

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