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loveproblem

loveproblem

Postby loveproblem » Sat, 05 Mar 2005 12:12 am

Throughout my life, I have a pretty healthy or normal relationship with gals. Not until recently. Nothing serious, just slightly different from my past, and I am confused. Hope to get some helpful advice here.

We started dating early last year, but broke up after three months. However, we still keep in touch as frens. We tried to make up in between but it was tough. The reason for the breakup is she jus ended a 13 years relationship 4-5 months before I came into her life. however, due to my persistency in showing her my love, she slowly give us a second chance and I really appreciate that effort. There are a few issues which I am finding it hard to understand.

To begin with, as far as our current relationship is concerned, it is very private to ourselves. We are 100% lovely couple in my place. Once we step out off the house, we are like frens. We don’t hold hands in public, we don’t involve in each other’s life like fren’s and family activities. She doesn’t really like me to tell my frens that she is my galfren. (honestly, I don’t know who am I to her, special fren? Partner? Or… I am confused). Her parents don’t know that we are ‘seeing’ each other. We don’t wish each other ‘good morning’ anymore as we used to. We seldom share with each other our daily life. To make it simple, our sharing only evolves in my room and some private public places. We are just ‘normal’ fren in public, her family, and frens.

We both love each other, and I understand her reasons of keeping some reserve. But my main worry is we may get so used to behaving it this way that our love life will become so dull….. I am more worried about our future than anything else… sigh…

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Postby monstergal » Sat, 05 Mar 2005 11:00 pm

from what i can understand from your little blog....

(1) she is keeping you a secret from the world - umm..
(2) is she seeing someone else? if not, how would you know, considering she probably is not one to show that she is in any relationship?
(3) just be careful.... you may be going in for a real emotional ride...

just be frank with her, ask her or tell her what you want too before its too late, dude.

:wink:

loveproblem

Postby loveproblem » Sun, 06 Mar 2005 1:52 am

hi monstergal
appreciate your input. she is not seeing another person. from my story, it sounds like she is jux another bitch in town. i say not. i am saying this not because i am in love with her or rather i am still sleeping with her. i am trying to be fair to all. i would have dump her long before if i find that she is jux a waste of my time. cos i know that she is one goodgal to have. i have been into 5 relationship and i think i ve seen the bad and good. and she is a good one. the reason why thing got hang there is because this gal used to believe in everlasting love. it is jux that her first love of 15 years dint do a good job. that is why she is abit sceptical and synical about love now. sad for her. she is one mummy gal that don fool around. during this period , there lotsa guys tried to date her out. she knew she is not up to it, and she turned them down. she still hangs out with me cos she still likes me and something we shared together is very precious to her. the reason why she cant commit fully cos she is haunted by her past. in another way, her confident in love a bit shaken before... sad eh. sigh..

u may go to the following link to share with the rest of us. million thanks for those who cares to reply and help me... hugs...

http://www.expatsingapore.com/ubb/Forum ... 11983.html

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Re: loveproblem

Postby moloch71 » Mon, 07 Mar 2005 10:32 am

loveproblem wrote:Throughout my life, I have a pretty healthy or normal relationship with gals. Not until recently. Nothing serious, just slightly different from my past, and I am confused. Hope to get some helpful advice here. …


What kind of advice would you like to hear ????

Well, the way I see it, you aren't looking for people to analyse or decipher your situation, you have already made up your mind on that. You are looking for ideas on what you can do to make the best out of your situation. Thats great - all relationships (while viable) should be worked on, not matter what stage they are at.

Your girlfriend has obviously come with some baggage, and you are doing an admirable job at being supporting, caring and understanding.

My best advice to you is simple, communication. Relationship go off the rails so fast when you start "holding your cards close to your chest", and keep playing "what is he/she thinking..". Ask her what exactly she wants, and where she sees the relationship going; then tell her what you have just told us here.


All my life, whenever I am feeling confused and conflicted, I like to sit down and think through things clearly. Often a problem can be broken down to a axiom: What do you think you should do, and What do you really want to do. Usually there are opposing answers, and then you just weigh up your choices.

My motto is, "Live life without regret - make the best decision you can at the time with the information you have at hand. The only regret is when you know you should have done something, and didn't" .....

I'm trying to be subtle here, as to what my real advice to you is; and I believe you dont want to hear it....

Guest

Postby Guest » Sun, 13 Mar 2005 9:41 pm

To LoveProblem - Here is my advice:

Learn how to spell- it is friend, not fren,

Do not call your girlfriend a "bitch" - if you don't respect her, don't expect any respect from her either

Seems to me you are an idiot - who would want to hang out with you?

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response to Guest

Postby cutie » Sun, 13 Mar 2005 10:14 pm

Guest,

Bravo! We need more ppl like you here.

guest27

Postby guest27 » Sun, 13 Mar 2005 10:19 pm

god who on earth says "frens", are u sixteen???? sounds like it.

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moloch71
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Postby moloch71 » Sun, 13 Mar 2005 10:52 pm

Guest wrote:To LoveProblem - Here is my advice:

Do not call your girlfriend a "bitch" - if you don't respect her, don't expect any respect from her either

Seems to me you are an idiot - who would want to hang out with you?


loveproblem wrote:from my story, it sounds like she is jux another bitch in town. i say not.


Well there goes your argument :roll:

guest7

Postby guest7 » Mon, 14 Mar 2005 9:43 am

Guest,
u must enjoy a healthy nice relationship if u start argueing about such tiny things like 'fren' or 'friend' :shock: definitely ur partner wud enjoy such 'ideals' ... :?

Guest77

Postby Guest77 » Mon, 14 Mar 2005 9:47 am

Hey cutie, back in town? Please join the WDNC, wud be nice to meet you ! :lol: 8)

in the same boat...

Postby in the same boat... » Mon, 14 Mar 2005 11:27 pm

loveProblem,

emotional baggage is hard to carry. you can try to help her share the load by being understanding, supportive and patient, but the weight will weigh you down sooner or later, and eventually it can only go so far. the way i see it, it has to come from herself, and her willingness to start letting it go. if she's serious about you, watever reserves she might have (understandable), she will need to make an effort and work on it. it's obvious that your feelings for her are stronger than hers for you, and you can be very understanding but there's a limit to patience, and it will come to a point where it will become unfair and unbearable to you (trust me, that stage will come!).

so unless u r ok with that, then i suggest you have a good talk with her and find out what her position is, and what is it you want out of the relationship, and if she can go in the same direction as you. if you realize that it's not going anywhere and she's just taking you for an emotional roller-coaster ride (whether intentionally or not), then i say be kind to yourself and get out.

but i have to admit that humans are really weird creatures who even though knowing perfectly clear that the path they are taking will only lead to pain and hurt, they still take the chance and go for it. (nothing wrong with that sometimes, we only live once after all) it's just a matter of time of when you can finally take the stance and decide enough is enough.

good luck 2u!

ps: WAS sortof in the same boat as you, so i can understand what you r going through. but have recently jumpshipped!!! maybe it's ur turn too? (don't forget your life jacket though) ^o^

Guest

Postby Guest » Mon, 14 Mar 2005 11:31 pm

Dear Guest7,

I am the person who wrote about LoveProblem last night. Yes, I am in a great relationship with a beautiful, loving woman - and yes, I am a red blooded guy. The way you communicate says a lot about you; respecting your other half is a critical characteristic of any self-respecting human being. If you don't like your other half, break up with dignity - don't call her a bitch!

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All the Guests

Postby cutie » Mon, 14 Mar 2005 11:49 pm

Guest 77,
Thanks! You remembered. Pls private msg me.

To all the Guests here so far,

You all seem to defend women's honour. Glad to know chivalry is still alive. Good on ya. Do private msg me.

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Re: All the Guests

Postby moloch71 » Tue, 15 Mar 2005 9:11 am

cutie wrote:To all the Guests here so far,

You all seem to defend women's honour. Glad to know chivalry is still alive. Good on ya.


I guess I'm just a bastard then :P
Moloch horridus - Australian horny devil lizard, exceptional specimens have been found measuring 8 inches.

loveproblem

Postby loveproblem » Tue, 15 Mar 2005 9:30 pm

Dear Moloch71,
U re doing an admirable job too in giving such a good advice. I do practise communicating with her. It helps both of us in understanding each alot. But sometimes, it can be very tiring and we both ended up in fights. ;-)

Selfless, Respect and Communicate....


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