SARS is not our only worry. The Ministry of Health is now asking the public
to be on the lookout for symptoms of the following new contagious diseases
-
Assma - Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass, the
No. 1 disease in Malaysia. Civil servants are unusually at risk.
Dialarrhoea - Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile
phone to share with them such important information as "I'm now on the LRT"
or "I'm walking towards the car." Victims can be recognised by large,
twitching thumb.
Meesles - Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of
instant noodles.
Multiple Spousosis - Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to
Thailand, Indonesia, and China to take on additional brides. Middle-aged
men are at significant risk.
Yellow Fever - Compulsion to date Asian females. Very common affliction
amongst foreign talent/expatriates working in Malaysia. Also known as
Pinkerton's Disease.
Totonus - Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression
at finding out one has not touched lottery.
Heavytitis - Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several
variant strains: Heavytitis A, Heavytitis B, Heavytitis C and sometimes
Heavytitis DD.
Cybertension - Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet
access.
Dyebetes - A compulsive need to colour one's hair. Reddish brown tints are
the most common symptom, but health authorities have reported a new strain
of blond highlights.
Chicken Tox - Victims exhibit a great need to talk c***. Incurable and
highly contagious. Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated
by good food and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially
susceptible. Incurable.
