Driving Singapore Style
I remember driving in Singapore in the late 1990’s and how completely appalling my road manners were; and probably still are. The only thing saving the rest of the road users this time round is the fact that after an extended period of not driving my skills are not quite as sharp as they used to be and I would be a major liability to myself on these roads.
The first rule of driving in Singapore is, don’t. Take a cab. Its cheaper, less stressful and it will make you a better person, improve your karma and not derail you from the path of enlightenment. Besides, whereas ten years ago you couldn’t find a cab to save your own life on Orchard Road on a Saturday afternoon, the stellar performance of the Singapore economy in recent years with the hypercompetent government at the helm has meant that the roads are full of cabs driven by ‘retired’ investment bankers, equity analysts and brokers, and M&A lawyers. If you have to drive then remember, offensive, not defensive driving is the rule in Singapore.
Taking off.
Do not signal when pulling out on to the road. To do so will encourage other road users to quickly block your progress. I cannot explain why this happens but this is how it works. Signaling your intention as you turn to join the flow of traffic is possibly one of the silliest things to do since all it does is cause the traffic to suddenly huddle together to make sure that you cannot make your exit.
Overtaking.
Do not signal when attempting to overtake. In fact, there are situations where it is optimal to signal the opposite of your intentions. Signaling to overtake is another silly thing to do since all it does is does is cause the traffic to suddenly huddle together to make sure that you cannot make execute your manoeuvre.
Cruising.
Do not just cruise. It is imperative to maintain a tight distance between yourself and the car in front of you of no more than a few feet. This is to ensure that no one can cut in your way for whatever reason be it to overtake someone in their own lane, to exit from a parked position, to make a turn, to do whatever it is they wanted to do. They must not be allowed to do that. Why? I do not know. This is how it is in Singapore. To allow someone to do what they want to do is simply unacceptable.
Plan ahead.
Always choose the fastest lane. This is typically the rightmost lane. However, since everyone wants to take the fastest lane, believed to be the rightmost lane, the rightmost lane is almost always the most congested. This leaves the centre and left lanes less crowded. This being Singapore, one of the most congested and crowded places on the surface of the planet, left lanes, centre lanes and right lanes are pretty much chockablock anyway. This leaves the service lane which is meant for broken down vehicles anyway. Singaporeans are quite happy to cruise in the service lane while their brethren stew in their cars in the left, centre and right lanes like a bunch of silly sods. Soon, left, right, centre and service lanes are completely clogged. Welcome to the Garden City.
Highways.
Nascar. Highways are simply roads where one is allowed to drive faster. Distances between cars remains the same, lane discipline remains the same, the paranoia of being overtaken or cut up remains the same. As a result, a squadron of several hundred cars traveling at speed in tight formation is often seen speeding at up to and sometimes beyond 100 km/h on the highway. This is a fascinating and awesome display of skill. In any other country, drivers would be dying like lemmings. In Singapore, the accident rate is fairly low. Obviously tight formation driving has been either taught in schools, passed from one generation to the next as a survival skill or practiced at home on the Playstation.
Parking:
Parking space is scarce. I cannot understand why parking charges are as low as they are. In other countries with market economies, decentralized planning and all that sort of thing, parking charges are eye wateringly expensive. In Singapore its cheap to park a car. Finding parking space is eye wateringly intractable. Upon finding an empty car parking lot, its best to move swiftly up to the lot to block it in the most convenient fashion. You can adjust your way in at your leisure while half a block of tailbacks curse the day you were born.
funnier than me? crazier than me??? 
I'm much more regular than the weekly! I cracked you up just last night, didn't I? huh ? huh? 
