Please help serious family problem Indian woman

[PNGMK]

You can have an annulment or divorce of an Indian marriage in Singapore if you satisfy the residency requirements.

Yes; STD is another parameter that can be used for annulment in Singapore as well.

[rajagainstthemachine]

This woman is as bad as all her evil family members, she is ungrateful towards her husband who pays for her and her family, she doesn't mind leaving him because of what him and his family did, but not before extracting her pound of flesh, that is having him pay for her lifestyle and also marrying off her sister. She is seen as protecting her parents and sister and that is priority over everything else, she is no less manipulative than her husbands family she portrayed as evil, eg having thoughts to blackmail her husband.
Almost every other family in India has elements of this sort, plotting,scheming and manipulating.
Why am I not surprised? 95% of regional tv shows are just about this aspect.

[RoastBeefBaron]

I drafted a massive reply and then Tapatalk crashed, and now I can't be anussed retyping the whole thing. The gist of what I was going to say is that raj is right in the sense that you want to divorce your husband for his amoral nature yet you seem to be keen on manipulating him for your own means, suggesting you either feel he doesn't deserve better treatment or you're as bad as he is. Secondly, you mentioned he's bisexual but haven't expanded on why you even mentioned it. Does he cheat on you with other dudes? If so I think that's a good reason to divorce him. Or does he just happen to like dudes but is still faithful? Does that in itself bother you?

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

[ecureilx]

Almost every other family in India has elements of this sort, plotting,scheming and manipulating.
Why am I not surprised? 95% of regional tv shows are just about this aspect.

You hit the nail on the head

Does he cheat on you with other dudes? If so I think that's a good reason to divorce him. Or does he just happen to like dudes but is still faithful? Does that in itself bother you?

can you clarify that bit ? Admiring dudes shouldn't hurt. Now being out with dudes- well, what difference does it make, if he is cheating or being out with dudes ?

[BBCWatcher]

I don't recall OP saying where she got married, so suggestion about Divorce in Singapore is moot, if she got married in India.

I agree with PNGMK. Not moot. It is possible to get married in Country A and have that marriage annulled (or get a divorce) in Country B even if Country A refuses to recognize the latter. And many people do exactly that, and sometimes (or even often) it's appropriate in the circumstances. There is no such thing as an international marriage registry, and the original poster is a Singapore PR living under the laws of Singapore. If Singapore wants to grant her a divorce or annulment, and if that's all she wants or needs in her circumstances, so be it.

People divorce (or annul marriages), as/if applicable, for all kinds of reasons.

[ecureilx]

I agree with PNGMK. Not moot. It is possible to get married in Country A and have that marriage annulled (or get a divorce) in Country B even if Country A refuses to recognize the latter.

To rephrase it, I felt she is seeking advice for moral divorce, or moral advice or moral suggestions, not Legal mumbo jumbo..

Or, to say it again, she is sounding off to what you think she should do, not how to divorce. Or so I think. So suggestions about Divorce, where to get divorced, how to do it, what is the legal small print etc is still moot, or so I think.

So what's the suggestion for her current situation ? Apart from RATM being direct ... and to the point ....

[x9200]

I agree with PNGMK. Not moot. It is possible to get married in Country A and have that marriage annulled (or get a divorce) in Country B even if Country A refuses to recognize the latter.

To rephrase it, I felt she is seeking advice for moral divorce, or moral advice or moral suggestions, not Legal mumbo jumbo..

Not judging her by any means I think she looks for solutions to her goals and the goals seem to float around maintaining her financial status quo. Under the circumstance, this is pretty legal to me.

[rajagainstthemachine]

So what's the suggestion for her current situation ? Apart from RATM being direct ... and to the point ....

i could think of all kinds of sexual scenes involving A B & X
i don't know why they find all this bisexual stuff disgusting, they could all have explosive orgasmic sex and live happily ever after.

on a related note: husband could be into hot lady boys in Thailand.some of those hot lady boys can give any straight man an erection
and those chicks could be hotter than the wife and that could be a major source of sourness/discontentment.

[BBCWatcher]

So suggestions about Divorce, where to get divorced, how to do it, what is the legal small print etc is still moot, or so I think.

Perhaps you misread PNGMK's post (and my follow-up). We did not discuss divorce, at least not much. We discussed annulment. Divorce and annulment are not the same -- certainly not in Singapore, anyway.

Whether particular friends and family members have different views about annulment compared to divorce is up to them, but they are, in fact, in reality, different.

[BBCWatcher]

While I am highly qualified, due to the nature of my degree, I have been unable to land a well paying job, which will allow me to sustain the kind of lifestyle we are able to now afford in SG, and while it might sound materialistic and selfish, I have got used to this lifestyle.

Moreover, back home, my father is an alcoholic, mother not qualified & skilled enough to earn and sibling still pursuing education, and my husband sends significant money to my home each month, which runs my family back home. I as the eldest sibling, somehow feel its my duty to assist my family back home, even at the cost of my happiness and self respect.

My husband is bisexual and ashamed with his orientation, he is unwilling to start a family, this is now jarring in our social circle where most couples are already parents.

In my view the rest of the story is not relevant to the present and to the future. As former U.S. President Ronald Reagan infamously said, "Mistakes were made." But it's up to those other adults to decide for themselves whether they want to correct those mistakes or not, as best they can. Their situations, thoughts, and actions (or inactions) are well beyond your control.

Going forward, you simply decide (and perhaps occasionally reconsider) what your values are, what aspects of life are most important to you. The status quo is more attractive financially, for you and for your parents and siblings. Is that additional money more important than having children? Or more important than being in an unhappy marriage? Nobody can or should answer those questions for you. People vary in what makes them happy or at least less unhappy.

"Because our friends are having kids and think we're odd" is a supremely bad reason to decide to have a child, which is at least what you implied. Please don't do that, at least for the child's sake. If you think there's some contest here, you've already completely lost the plot. That said, I have a basic question about your husband's unwillingness to start a family, as you put it. Do you mean that he does not want to be a father of any kind, that he is unwilling to father a child the old fashioned way, and/or that he is unwilling to be a biological father? Because in our modern world there are many forms of fatherhood (and motherhood), including adoption, biological fatherhood via assisted reproductive technologies (ART), and ART with donor sperm, as examples. With the exception of adoption, they're private and remain as private as you and your husband wish them to be. Some of these approaches may be easier if performed in other countries. But whatever you do, please do not bring a child into the world (or adopt) unless you can provide that child with a loving home. That's at least hard to do if you're unhappy.

[bhurirav]

I'm assuming your husband is incapable of penetration or ejaculation and hence you could argue he has never consummated the marriage as evidenced by the lack of children.

That's quite an assumption! Does "bisexual" have a different meaning in India? The ordinary meaning is sexual attraction to members of both sexes. Truly bisexual individuals rarely have issues consummating marriages to spouses of either sex.

However, to expand on your original point, annulments in Singapore come in two basic types. A void marriage doesn't appear to be an option. (An underage or incestuous marriage would be examples.) However, Section 106 of the Singapore Women's Charter describes the grounds for a voidable marriage. "Non-consummation due to inability" and "non-consummation due to refusal" are valid grounds. The former can be initiated by either party, while the latter must be initiated by the willing spouse (the spouse who did not refuse). But it's a gigantic leap to assume "bisexual" means "non-consummation."

Annulments are different than divorces under the law in Singapore. Whether they are different in the eyes of friends and family members -- or so-called friends and family members -- is up to those individuals.

I agree with Rajagainstthemachine's sentiments only in the sense that, if you're going to be happy in life, you probably have to disengage from miserable (and miserable behaving) people. In other words, the original poster might be in dire need of more than one divorce, so to speak.

I used the term "bisexual" in the normal international sense, not in any "Indian" sense and the term doesn't carry any other connotations in India.

The marriage was consummated a long time back, in fact we used to "live together" occasionally (and using the term live together in the normal sense too, with all that it implies) throughout his Uni years and beyond, I shall elaborate on this in my later posts in answer to others questions.

In India too, "annulments" differ from divorce, in the sense that annul means that the marriage technically never existed.

In Indian eyes, in general, barring very rare circumstances, once married you technically lose the never married tag.

As I've said before, I know I would be miserable if I stay, I am not sure how happy I can be if I leave... and I know people will be judgmental but I am a normal, flawed human, warts, compulsions and all

[bhurirav]

BBC; perhaps you're right - the OP's posting was a well of text and I may have mistaken bisexual for chromosomal issues. Regardless 'annulment' might offer her a slightly less painful escape. Commonly used in the Philippines because the church won't allow divorces....

With apologies in advance to you and BBC.

I suspect the OP was looking for a way out of her Moral dilemma.

She is NOT looking for legal advice, and well, her story is not totally off, in India. I heard of similar stories, and the movie "FIRE" featuring Shabna Azmi was not fiction after all, I am convinced of that.

I don't recall OP saying where she got married, so suggestion about Divorce in Singapore is moot, if she got married in India. Divorces can go on for years in India, if one of the parties has sufficient money to delay Justice.

And PNGMK, since you mentioned PH, did you know transmission of communicable disease can be used as a reason to fast track divorce in Philippines ?

The movie FIRE https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_%281996_film%29

One of the reasons why I want to use the tactic of "blackmail" for which I was so criticized is precisely this, I know my husband might try to delay a divorce to trouble me, the only way he will let me go easily is if I threaten to speak out about his and his family's role in the friend's affair, he and his family are widely suspected of what I can only confirm, he knows that if I do choose to speak out, he will naturally be regarded as the lowest of the low & friend's relatives will actually be delighted, my words can be the final proof required.

What if he chooses to delay 5-7 years?

[bhurirav]

You can have an annulment or divorce of an Indian marriage in Singapore if you satisfy the residency requirements.

Yes; STD is another parameter that can be used for annulment in Singapore as well.

Spent close to a decade in SG, husband over half a decade, as mentioned above we're PR. I do think we meet the requirements, also married over half a decade.

Neither husband nor I had any STD's to the best of my knowledge and belief, so this doesn't apply

[bhurirav]

@All
I will try to reply to all others tomorrow
please do not judge me, none of you are exactly in my shoes.

[x9200]

my words can be the final proof required.

Or just groundless allegations of a blackmailer who tries to win something threatening to damage her husband's reputation. In other words, you of course can prove everything, right? I mean in a court of law?

Nb. unless your husband is an idiot, he will realise playing any legal tricks with the divorce will make all the dirty linen more-less public.

And lastly, one general remark: let's not forget this is only a relation of one party.