I expect most (or perhaps all) here consider forgiveness as an essential and required part of life. But for me the issue is that despite getting married soon, he doesn’t accept that there is anything wrong with ‘just playing around’; in fact as you see he effectively denies that it has significance. So if he considers it to have no significance now (of all times!), then why should he in future? That’s why I suggested going ahead with marriage means accepting his behaviour now as is; and it seems to be loud and clear that that is no foundation upon which to embark on a lifetime contract*.
The danger is greater within a pre-marriage long-distance-relationship, especially if the couple have never lived together. In such circumstances how well can you really know a person. Well enough to happily plan for your lifetime ahead together?
[X-ref: arranged marriages. But I think that can be different, as the expectations of the whole 'village' are upon you and watching and there to support etc].
‘If you love him, and if he’s a genuinely good guy...’, but IMO so far he’s demonstrated that he’s a complete douche-bag. Consider it from a parent’s perspective, would you want your daughter to soon marry someone who is currently going out whoring, who considers it just a bit of 'playing around'?
It can get tricky when you’re planning on marrying ‘soon’. That’s when you see that the whole marriage process build it own momentum that is pretty much and progressively completely out of your hands. It becomes almost an external thing outside of your control. You’ve a date in mind, decided on a venue, your friends and family are pencilling in the date and travel required to attend. Pretty soon they’re asking about gifts, what people will be wearing (so they can buy outfits), and booking hotels. It snowballs very quickly, and there is a point early on, where whatever doubts you might have had about your future spouse get over-run by the expectations of others. There is a point where you feel there is no going back, as you fear you’ll cause so much disappointment and expense to your friends and family. Not only that you fear if you postpone or cancel it you’ll be labelled for life as a fool. So with the burden of expectations upon you of probably the biggest event of your life, it’s too easy going through with a marriage you have doubts about, than pulling the plug on it. So you go ahead hoping that ‘s/he’ll change’, and meanwhile pretend that everything is wonderful ...
What you lose perspective of as this event evolves into it’s own living and breathing entity, is that almost unspoken but underneath it all, *ultimately* your friends and family want you to be happy. You might fear the world will end if you postpone your wedding, but in fact it will surprise you how much support you will get if you feel you have to. But better to test that out before your friends and family have spent a load of money re: the event!
* And yes, as will be apparent, this is how I was brought up to consider it.
