JR8 wrote:How does it help? I'll tell you how it helped in my situation. I was faced with something 'really quite similar' [intentionally vague] to what Sergei is going through, in my case with my first wife. It honestly was the most explosive,
inexplicable random scary episode of my entire life, at that point. I had no idea what was happening - it had no logical normal reference points at all. How do you deal with that? A friend/neighbour suggested it might be bi-polar disorder (aka manic depression). I had no idea what such things were or why they happened. Such thing 'don't happen' in the close knit community I was brought up in, and certainly not to 'good/decent people' - that's sort of the culture. So they're never discussed, and younger people typically have no idea what they are. I'd heard of it sure but had to go away and read up about what it actually was. I found some similarities, but not particularly compelling. I still had no idea really.
Through a work staff 3rd-party help-line, things were so bad, I plucked up the courage to call them one day, and just try to explain what I was going through. It's not easy if what you're going to try and describe sounds inexplicable, and almost beyond comprehension, i.e. like they might not understand, but instead conclude that it's actually YOU who is the nutter. But no, the counsellor at the other end clearly had some idea of what was going on, as I was right away referred to 2*week appointments with a psych/counsellor (and later this reduced to 1* week). It's lucky as at that point it really was a lifeline.
Ultimately I visited her for maybe three months, on the drive home after work. From the point of having no clue WTH was happening, to having engaged a divorce lawyer, and filed the papers in court. At that point I was leaving the country anyway, though I had to return for compulsory mediation, and then later again for the 20 minute hearing. Settlement agreed? Yes. Any other issues? Apart from my XW losing it and getting hysterical at the judge, and trying to somehow relaunch a whole new parallel case (LOL - good one, so like her)- No? Bang, it's over.
The start of the exit route to the door was (as I might have said) as early as the
1st session with the shrink. Where, after listening to me talking non-stop for 49.5 minutes she concluded 'JR8, I think you should go home tonight and take a look on the net, into 'XYZ' [Int/vague] personality disorder'. Perhaps you think she shouldn't have done that?
I was led to that in one hour, by a very experienced and very highly qualified professional. And like I said, when I got home and did as she suggested, it was like being hit with a shovel on the back of the head...
'Boom!'. Suddenly everything made sense. You've heard of the expression 'Seeing the light'... something that some of us might experience a few times in a lifetime. Well, due to my circumstances and ignorance on such matters, this was like a 'F*** Me! Seeing the light epiphany'. Honestly terrifying. I never expect to repeat anything like that one moment in my entire life. In many ways, I hope I never do. Suddenly I knew I had to get out, and as much as I deeply believed in the vow of 'In sickness and in health', I realised there was no alternative. And suddenly I knew I was in for the fight of my life, since leaving, despite the allegations, was the last thing my accuser was expecting or wishing me to
actually do.
Not a fun time that's for sure. But luckily I was leaving the US anyway very soon thereafter, so there was then 5000 miles of clear water between us. Still when I got back home, I was acutely aware when out and about that she might have turned up looking for me (she did know where I likely lived). In any case that was the start of the end. It's still today the reason I post on no public websites under my real name... I have no doubt if she could contact me that she would, even now, as she seems to have an unquenchable drive, a
'pathological need' to dish out yet further revenge. I reckon people like that never get over things, never forgive [even the totally imagined], and never forget. It's not something now, 15 years later, I think about more than very occasionally. Usually when I do it's quietly remembering the horror of it if I hear reports that have striking similarities. Such as this one ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Andrews" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - or indeed poor old Sergei's. His position, reminds me of what mine was, and I really feel for him, as I believe I have probably been to the particular 'crazy-zone' he's in right now. Just now knowing what's just hit you.
