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PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

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Primrose Hill
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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby Primrose Hill » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 8:35 am

Sorry to hear about the breakdown of your marriage. An eagles meet yes

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x9200
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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby x9200 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 8:43 am

Yep Sergei, we should have a gathering. First week of March may be a good idea.
We may try to invite Zeenit to help you with solving all the issues associated with airplane travel of your cat, unless she was the one who you married.

Clarifying a bit of your PR problem:
Firstly, you need to check whether you can accept it being currently unemployed - just ask at the counter or give ICA a call.
Secondly, if ICA is ok with it, IMHO, take it. No harm for you. Probably much more harm if you turn it down, especially if you ignore it or state no reasons.

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby Strong Eagle » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 9:13 am

I'd take and keep the PR... it leaves your options open. Unless there is some condition you cannot meet, you are ahead of the game. Although I am back in the USA, my PR does not expire until the end of 2017. I updated my address to the USA without issue. Get your PR with the Singapore address, change it to your HK address later.

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the lynx
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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby the lynx » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 9:37 am

Sergei! It has been a long time!

So sorry to hear about your job and your marriage. :sad: I hope the divorce is not a long drawn out one. Congratulations on HK, though. It will definitely give you the fresh start you need. :)

And yes, we must meet before you leave.

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby Addadude » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 10:01 am

Dammit Sergei, you've packed more into one year than most of us experience in 20!

If it's any comfort, somewhere a sub-continental masters holder (from a reputed university) is insanely jealous of you right now...
"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed regularly, and for the same reasons."

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby Barnsley » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 10:09 am

Addadude wrote:Dammit Sergei, you've packed more into one year than most of us experience in 20!

If it's any comfort, somewhere a sub-continental masters holder (from a reputed university) is insanely jealous of you right now...


[-X

Our lubrication friend must be wondering what is going on as well!!!
Life is short, paddle harder!!

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby rajagainstthemachine » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 10:45 am

I'd suggest keep your PR in Singapore, you might want to take up that HK job and get away for a bit and clear your head and try to start something new.
You never know what might change in HK or in Singapore, so best to keep your options open.
Sorry to hear about your impending divorce and the situation in Ukraine, how hard is it to get divorced in Singapore btw? Isn't there a cooling period of three years or something?

Good luck man!
To get there early is on time and showing up on time is late

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby ecureilx » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 11:23 am

rajagainstthemachine wrote:I'd suggest keep your PR in Singapore, you might want to take up that HK job and get away for a bit and clear your head and try to start something new.
You never know what might change in HK or in Singapore, so best to keep your options open.
Sorry to hear about your impending divorce and the situation in Ukraine, how hard is it to get divorced in Singapore btw? Isn't there a cooling period of three years or something?

Good luck man!

RATM, for Sergei it may have been as simple as saying a word 3 times .. or so I think, to end it .. in front of the family court judge

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the lynx
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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby the lynx » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 11:51 am

ecureilx wrote:
rajagainstthemachine wrote:I'd suggest keep your PR in Singapore, you might want to take up that HK job and get away for a bit and clear your head and try to start something new.
You never know what might change in HK or in Singapore, so best to keep your options open.
Sorry to hear about your impending divorce and the situation in Ukraine, how hard is it to get divorced in Singapore btw? Isn't there a cooling period of three years or something?

Good luck man!

RATM, for Sergei it may have been as simple as saying a word 3 times .. or so I think, to end it .. in front of the family court judge


Squirrel, the three talaks (with or without witness) are there for admissibility to syariah court for intention to divorce. Doesn't mean anything to the duration of the divorce proceedings.

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby Sergei82 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 12:24 pm

Divorce should not be an issue. I'll just have to come back to SG once or twice for court session a few months later. ROMM marriages are easier to terminate compared to ROM, no need to wait 3 years. The only thing is there may be more responsibility on husband - now she told me I have to pay at least SGD $1500 for each month of marriage and called it "nafkah". Which is of course stupid, because by all Muslim laws I did my nafkah very well - she did not contribute a single cent into family, I paid even her phone bills, she just had fun with friends till late nights (very unclear crap that I do not care anymore about). And yes, she's working, so shouldn't be an issue, especially considering the fact that she deserted me (withdrawing hefty amount of money using my cash card to pay for relocation to live with I don't know whom). The kind of "salary" which must go on top of providing house, food money for her taxis and expenses etc...???

I am thinking once I'm in Hong Kong to take up PhD ASAP - was thinking about it for long already, but with this depressing and uncertain marriage I couldn't plan anything in advance. It was not clear what may happen the next day, very unpredictable person, I'm not talking about any planning for future (got screwed up a few holiday trips because of this unpredictability).

And I'm not the 1st husband she had. I'm suspecting not the 2nd either (she used to lie a lot abt her past life, even after marriage she didn't tell me all the truth abt herself). At least she had a fiancee before she met me over 2 years back - that one cancelled all marriage right before it happened, already after all the ceremony was booked and most of preparations were done - he got scared obviously. I also used to break up with her a year back, needless to say we should have stayed separate, I just wanted to give it a second chance, very seriously this time, I thought I was doing something wrong before (again, I did not know all her past - she lied a lot). So I am at least the 3rd one (most likely more than that - I did hear something suspicious from mother-in-law, was a bit "afraid" to verify, too late already), that's why it is so quick and easy for her just to jump away to somebody else. Looking back I do not see anything in this marriage that is worth coming back to. I was stupid, I had my lesson, I need to move on.

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby x9200 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 12:35 pm

the lynx wrote:
ecureilx wrote:
rajagainstthemachine wrote:I'd suggest keep your PR in Singapore, you might want to take up that HK job and get away for a bit and clear your head and try to start something new.
You never know what might change in HK or in Singapore, so best to keep your options open.
Sorry to hear about your impending divorce and the situation in Ukraine, how hard is it to get divorced in Singapore btw? Isn't there a cooling period of three years or something?

Good luck man!

RATM, for Sergei it may have been as simple as saying a word 3 times .. or so I think, to end it .. in front of the family court judge


Squirrel, the three talaks (with or without witness) are there for admissibility to syariah court for intention to divorce. Doesn't mean anything to the duration of the divorce proceedings.

The nanny to our son was divorced by her husband phone-calling her from Malaysia and saying "I divorce you" 3 times. She did not mentioned any proceedings but perhaps she found it unimportant.

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby zzm9980 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 2:38 pm

Sergei82 wrote:Divorce should not be an issue. I'll just have to come back to SG once or twice for court session a few months later. ROMM marriages are easier to terminate compared to ROM, no need to wait 3 years. The only thing is there may be more responsibility on husband - now she told me I have to pay at least SGD $1500 for each month of marriage and called it "nafkah". Which is of course stupid, because by all Muslim laws I did my nafkah very well - she did not contribute a single cent into family, I paid even her phone bills, she just had fun with friends till late nights (very unclear crap that I do not care anymore about). And yes, she's working, so shouldn't be an issue, especially considering the fact that she deserted me (withdrawing hefty amount of money using my cash card to pay for relocation to live with I don't know whom). The kind of "salary" which must go on top of providing house, food money for her taxis and expenses etc...???

I am thinking once I'm in Hong Kong to take up PhD ASAP - was thinking about it for long already, but with this depressing and uncertain marriage I couldn't plan anything in advance. It was not clear what may happen the next day, very unpredictable person, I'm not talking about any planning for future (got screwed up a few holiday trips because of this unpredictability).

And I'm not the 1st husband she had. I'm suspecting not the 2nd either (she used to lie a lot abt her past life, even after marriage she didn't tell me all the truth abt herself). At least she had a fiancee before she met me over 2 years back - that one cancelled all marriage right before it happened, already after all the ceremony was booked and most of preparations were done - he got scared obviously. I also used to break up with her a year back, needless to say we should have stayed separate, I just wanted to give it a second chance, very seriously this time, I thought I was doing something wrong before (again, I did not know all her past - she lied a lot). So I am at least the 3rd one (most likely more than that - I did hear something suspicious from mother-in-law, was a bit "afraid" to verify, too late already), that's why it is so quick and easy for her just to jump away to somebody else. Looking back I do not see anything in this marriage that is worth coming back to. I was stupid, I had my lesson, I need to move on.


Damn. Was she at least really hot for so many guys to go through so much shit for her? :cool:

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Sergei82
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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby Sergei82 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 2:44 pm

There definitely was some appearance catch in her. In any case, there are many pretty girls around, it was stupid to fall on one of them in case where other human qualities... well, she just "structured" her self-image very elaborately, all of it was just made up to look better. That's the only excuse I make for myself - she lied. On the other hand, I put too much trust in her, needed to be more apprehensive.

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zzm9980
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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby zzm9980 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 4:20 pm

Sergei82 wrote:There definitely was some appearance catch in her. In any case, there are many pretty girls around, it was stupid to fall on one of them in case where other human qualities... well, she just "structured" her self-image very elaborately, all of it was just made up to look better. That's the only excuse I make for myself - she lied. On the other hand, I put too much trust in her, needed to be more apprehensive.


Happens to everyone. Be happy you caught it now and not later.

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Re: PR approved, but I don't need it anymore WTF!!!???

Postby JR8 » Thu, 12 Feb 2015 4:23 pm

So sorry to hear this Sergei.
What you say sounds eerily like my ex-wife. Whereby a constant and huge amount of effort had to be made to function normally, 'appear sane'. And of course when she did that she was 'perfect', the ideal loving doting wife. That was maintained for perhaps a year. But when the mask occasionally slipped, the horror (and her imagined terror) behind it were suddenly revealed. You never really knew what to expect from one day to another, life was spent 'walking on eggshells', in case some random thing set her off. I recall her going nuclear one time because she thought I was eyeing-up another women at a party [which I most certainly wasn't]. So ergo I must be untrustworthy, and am probably having an affair behind her back. So therefore (in her head) I had to be punished. And the simplest way of achieving that was apparently her going a f'ing her boss and then a neighbour, and making it pretty obvious that's what she'd done. Absolutely amazing! :shock: :???:

I was in a foreign country too (US), and so it knocked me for six. I went for counselling, I had to given my whole world was upside down and I hadn't the first clue WTH was going on. After the very first hour long session, she suggested I go home and read through this... http://www.dsm5.org/Pages/Default.aspx the various 'Disorder' tabs down the right. [She actually suggested I look at one PD in particular, but in any case I checked all of them just to be sure]. And bang, there was my inexplicable ex-wife described 110%, so clearly it might have been posted on a billboard by the highway.

I'm not suggesting that PDs is the issue here, but it could be. Have a look and see if any of them are a good fit, if so it should leap out right at you. For me, doing similar was like being handed keys with which I could escape the dungeon.

Good luck to you. It probably won't feel like it right now, but things really will get better. As they say, 'The day is darkest before the dawn'.


p.s. I'll post this also while I have it up, and before I forget. Yahoo discussion groups re: PDs https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/dir/1600061719
'Do it or do not do it: You will regret both' - Kierkegaard


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